How to Save a Life
by Muggle-born Pureblood
Summary: A simple bet to get Gilbert to date someone, leads to the reveal of a darkness hiding in Matthew, that sets off a chain of events that will change their lives forever. TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER; CUTTING; ATTEMPTED SUICIDE; HOMOSEXUALITY; HOMOPHOBIA; VIOLENCE; ADDICTION; TEEN PREGNANCY (no mpreg); CHARACTER DEATH. This is an angst filled story with some fluff sprinkled in :-)
1. The Bet

_**AN: I own nothing. This was a Role Play with a friend of mine, where she**_ ** _played Gilbert, and I played Matthew._**

 ** _TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER; CUTTING; ATTEMPTED SUICIDE; HOMOSEXUALITY; HOMOPHOBIA; VIOLENCE; TEEN PREGNANCY; CHARACTER DEATH. This is an angst filled story with some fluff sprinkled in._**

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Gilbert Beilschmidt looked over the city- his city. He seemed to be the only one awake, legs draped over his apartment's thick balcony walls and a lit cigarette placed between his chapped lips. There were barely any lights on in the small town, everybody was asleep for their first day of school... everyone but him. His phone was silent in his pocket, and his thoughts were raging. This was his senior year, this was the big one before he went to the military. Just thinking about being in the army, wearing camo and flying a fighter jet, got Gilbert excited. He'd thought long and hard about this, and knew it was the right decision. Gilbert jumped, startled, when his phone buzzed. He picked it up, looking at his text messages.

 _ **FrancisAmore: Think any hot students r coming this year?**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: Ha! None 4 u**_

 _ **2Mato: Dont need 1 I got Lovi 3**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: He doesnt even like u**_

 _ **2Mato: Yes he does**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: If he did, hed be banging u right now**_

 _ **2Mato: how do u know he isnt?**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: I just do**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: How would u know that if u never got any1 bangin u?**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: Shut up**_

 _ **2Mato: No, really. U havent been dating since that 'roderich' thing**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: And he wuz such a prude**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: Fine, ill try 2 date this year**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: well help u get started. Just listen 2 Dr. Love**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: Shut up with ur stupid names**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: Fine. 2 get u started...**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: I dare u to ask out some1 u wouldnt ever ask out**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: wtf? Are u crazy?**_

 _ **FrancisAmore: No. Im smart. U cant pass this dare or ill tell every1 ur a virgin**_

 _ **AwesomeGil: Nein! You cant do that, im too awesome!**_

 _ **~1:27 AM FrancisAmore has left the chat~**_

Gilbert sighed, turning off his phone and pocketing it again. Somewhere, an ambulance siren wailed, matching how Gilbert was feeling now. He couldn't be embarrassed in front of everyone with his virginity, but he wasn't just going to 'ask someone out' on the first day of school. He stood up, walking back into the apartment he shared with his younger brother. Tossing his cigarette on the floor and stamping it out with the toe of his combat boot, Gilbert decided that he needed a good sleep to decide this. After all, school started at eight thirty in the morning, and he'd need to be up earlier than that or have to go with his brother and his loud Italian friend, which was very embarrassing.

Gilbert blinked groggily, his phone's alarm going off right in his ear. "Fuck. I don't wanna get up," he hissed, tossing the device across the room. It thudded on his carpet and kept blaring, every piercing note a punch in the face. Defeated, Gilbert threw off his covers and emerged from his bed, wearing only a week old pair of boxers. He waded through piles of clothes and papers to get his phone, turning it off. After a freezing shower and a quick breakfast, Gilbert set off for school. In front of his high school, he met his two best friends, Francis and Antonio. Immediately, Francis repeated the dare he'd given Gilbert previously. At that moment, Gilbert decided to take it. It might not help, but it couldn't hurt too much. Plus, turning down a dare was against Gilbert's awesome Prussian code of honor.

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Matthew was a morning person. Plain and simple. Matthew loved the mornings. It never failed, come dawn, he would be on the roof of his home, watching the sun rise. His twin brother, Alfred, on the other hand, was a night owl to the very core. The only exception to this rule is Christmas morning, and the first day of school.

Matthew hated school! He loved to learn, but school was about so much more then learning, and he hated it. Alfred started each school year, by jumping on Matthew's bed, while Mathew was still in it. Mathew calls that 'the point of no return,' because that's when he knows he has to go to school. Matthew was awoken by said jumping, and called out for his brother to stop thrice, before Alfred finally heard him. "Good, your up!" Alfred had yelled, while climbing off Matthew and running out of the room, and down the stairs.

Matthew sighed, and crawled out of bed. He made his way to his closet, and managed to get dressed in some jeans, with a red maple leaf sewn onto the back pockets, purple tank top, so he wouldn't overheat, and a large red hoodie, with a white leaf on the front. Matthew quickly brushed his hair, that was so much like his father's it was hard to tell he was half Cree, and made his way down stairs.

Matthew's father had gone to work at the bank early today, leaving their mother to see Alfred, and him off to school. Matthew slowly ate his meagre vegan breakfast, despite Alfred's displeasure at the speed, and went to feed his pet polar bear. Yes. He has a polar bear. Kumajiru was a very well behaved bear. Matthew took good care of him, and he was much better then a guard dog, that's for sure.

He nearly missed his mother's kiss on the cheek, as his brother dragged him out of the house, and to the school. Once they were at school, Alfred went to his friends, while Mathew... Well, he had friends. Just not a whole lot... Matthew in fact had three friends. One, Michelle, had moved away last year. Another, Elizavetha, had lots of other friends to be with, and probably some skirt chaser to wack. And then there was...

"Matthew!" A distinctly Russian, female voice came from behind Mathew. He turned around, to be nearly smothered in his friend Kat's breasts. She soon let him go, but still tried to make conversation about the summer. Matthew was less enthusiastic.

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Gilbert was standing with his friends now, talking about everyone who wasn't taken. The prospects didn't look good for Gil, who had started smoking another cigarette out of both boredom and anxiety, though he would never admit to feeling the latter. A battle was going on in the self-named Prussian's mind now, whether or not to do the dare. Being a virgin really wasn't that bad, but it would disappoint his classmates, all of whom thought he'd fucked more guys than a gay pornstar. But waiting for the right one to come would make him seem all goody-goody. Gilbert's thoughts were interrupted by Francis hitting his shoulder

"Fuck, Francis. What do you want?" Gilbert asked, balancing his cigarette between perfectly straight teeth. Francis didn't speak, just pointed wildly like a mime. "What?" Gilbert was getting impatient with his friend's behaviour.

"That. That's my cousin. Go! Go talk to him!" Francis grabbed Gilbert's broad shoulders and shoved him at a blonde kid who was talking to a girl with giant boobs. Gil found himself alone, awkwardly standing in front of the kid. He wanted to look cool, so he assumed a cool position, relaxing his posture and crossing his arms, holding his cigarette between two fingers.

"Hey, so..." Gilbert didn't exactly know what to say, just that he wasn't going to mess this up. "Do you wanna go out with me?" Gilbert tried to sound nonchalant, but knew that he was an idiot. The kid was probably going to turn out straight, what was the use? Plus, he was apparently Francis' cousin, so it woud be awkward for him to say yes.

Matthew had been having a nice discussion with Kat about how American health care sucked, when they were rudely interrupted by someone trying to flirt with Kat, or so Matthew thought. Kat held up a hand and finished her statement, "And the insurance won't pay for surgery, so I'm stuck with large chest until we come up with money, that we don't have! I'm sick of this pain! There's so much weight in front, it's giving me hunch back! I can't do it any more..."

A large boy with a pink scarf called for Kat to come inside the school, and she said, "brother want me in, Mattie. I must go..." Mathew nodded, and accepted the kiss on both cheeks from Kat, before waving goodbye to her, as she went in. He finally looked at the boy who had interrupted them, confused as to why he hadn't followed Kat after asking her out. That's when he saw who it was. Gilbert Beilschmidt! Matthew's cousin was in his group, and he was definitely gay, so he wasn't talking to Kat.

Matthew looked around for any other guy he could have been talking to only to find they were alone. His eyes widened as he got the crazy notion that the albino had actually noticed him, and asked him out. It was crazy, but just to be sure, he asked, in almost a whisper, "I-I'm sorry... But... W-were you talking to m-me?"

"Ja, I was talking to you. Like I said, do you wanna go out with me?" Gilbert's voice sounded slightly bored, not even in the least betraying what he was feeling. Francis had had a lot of bad ideas in the past; painting Gilbird green, getting a tattoo, spray painting a crude drawing of male genitalia on the side of the school, but never something like this. Right now, Gilbert felt stupid. Plus, he felt bad for the big-tit lady. She was so obviously with Francis' scrawny cousin. Gilbert could very plainly see her smothering him in 100% Russian breast meat and practically making out with his cheeks. Gilbert knew this girl's brther, and they didn't get along well. If Ivan saw Gilbert trying to hook up with his sister's boyfriend, he'd meet the same fate as anyone else who got in his way. To fill the awkward silence, Gilbert ran a hand through his snowy white hair, simultaneously flattening and messing it up.

Matthew's eyes widened, and he almost smiled, before another possibility crossed his mind. Matthew's gaze went to the ground, and he pointed towards Alfred. His voice whispered out, slightly bitter, and even a little disgusted, "are you sure you're not looking for him... We're twins... I'm Matthew... You're probably looking for Alfred..." Matthew's voice grew exasperated, and a little pathetic, as he struggled to hold back tears of self hate. He has already convinced himself that Gilbert couldn't possibly want him. Nobody wanted him. They only wanted Alfred. Matthew grew quickly disgusted with himself, as he feared he had gained weight, and therefore was easily mistaken for his fat, lazy brother. His whisper had grown frantic in its attempt to fight off tears, as he continued, "I'm going to save you the trouble and tell you he's straight, and taken... He gets a little bi-curious now and then, and I'll be sure to put a good word in for you next time he does..."

"Hey... no, I was looking for you. As in um..." Gilbert tried to remember the kid's name, but he just couldn't, even though Francis had told him it before. "As in you, Birdie," Gilbert decided to call Francis' cousin Birdie. He looked so much like one, fragile and delicate. His sweatshirt hung off his arms like a pair of wings, and he looked ready to fly off. "Hey, hey, don't cry," Gilbert looked at Birdie, alarmed. He hadn't said something wrong, had he? This was Francis' fault, he'd forced Gil into this, now he had to get him out of this. Pretending he was going to stamp out his cigarette, Gil turned around, glaring at Francis. Gilbert's friend merely shrugged then turned around. Gil was on his own now.

Matthew was shocked to say the least. He stared at Gilbert for a wile, before the realization that Gilbert was actually asking HIM out dawned on him. He allowed himself a small smile, and he whispered, "I-I'd love to... If the offer s-still stands..."

Matthew had never been asked out before, and didn't know exactly what to do, but figured Gilbert would know. He was pretty sure that the albino had forgotten his name, but that was okay, because Gilbert noticed him. Matthew felt happy to be noticed, but also felt that he wasn't ready for a date. He felt too fat and ugly. He felt like a carbon copy of his brother, and he hated it. Still, Gilbert had chosen to notice him, and not Alfred, so he must be doing something right.

"Um... yeah. We should go out. Do you wanna go to lunch or something sometime? I guess we could get something quick during lunch hour today. We'd have to walk since... um... I don't have a car," Gilbert wasn't exactly going to say that he had a DUI, since he didn't want to sour Birdie's impression of him even more. Gilbert understood why Francis had shoved him at his cousin. The kid looked on the verge of tears, and he was so tiny that even the faintest breeze would probably make him flop around like a plastic bag caught in the wind. "Hey, Birdie, are you okay? I mean, you look like a ghost," Gilbert knew he was probably just making the kid nervous, but he just wanted to check. If this was going to be his boyfriend, he'd have to look out for him, and probably not intimidate him as much.

Matthew panicked a little on the inside, at the thought of eating with Gilbert. He wanted to, but he didn't want to get fatter, and as often as he did it, he hated making himself sick to get it out. There was a time when he just stopped eating, but his family caught on quickly that he wasn't eating, and he was put in the hospital. They didn't let him out till he was as fat as his twin. After that he only ate in front of his family, and made himself sick later to get it out. He didn't want to do that with Gilbert, but he could.

Matthew nodded, and whispered, "I'd love too... A-and I'm fine... J-just a little shocked is all..."

"Okay, so when do you wanna go. I'm free basically always. If we did after school, we could maybe get coffee," Gilbert thought going to lunch was a little much for a first date, he didn't have any intention to scare Birdie off. Francis would probably be proud that Gilbert had gone through with his challenge. At least now, the whole school wouldn't think he was a virgin. When he got a good look at Birdie, the smaller man was actually quite cute. His eyes were adorably big, and he looked so small and meek, like a baby bird still in it's nest. Maybe Francis had had a good idea. Gilbert would just have to wait and see.

Matthew breathed a sigh of relief at the new idea. "Coffee sounds great..." He said, a little louder then he had been speaking. Matthew enjoyed talking to Gilbert, but was a little anxious to get inside so he could get his breakfast out of his system before classes started. He shifted from foot to foot, hugging his body, showing off how much bigger the hoodie was then him.

"I-if you want to, we could still spend lunch together... Kat's brother likes her eating with him, and Elizavetha has been preoccupied with her new boyfriend, so... I-I'll have no one to sit with..." Matthew added in a whisper. He wouldn't eat of course, but the school lunch gave him an excuse.

"Sure. Where should I meet you?" Gil pulled out his phone, opening up the contacts folder and setting it to make a new one. He handed his phone to Birdie. "Put in your number, 'kay?" he said. He wanted to keep in touch with his probably-boyfriend, and possibly drunk-text him at 3 in the morning. Gilbert was honestly quite surprised with how smoothly things were going with Birdie. Although, he did look anxious about something. Gilbert wanted to make sure he was alright, but he didn't want to seem like a worrywart. Birdie was probably fine... maybe just nervous?

Matthew smiled and put his information in Gilbert's phone. Matthew then got his own phone out, putting Gilbert into his own phone. He handed the phone back to Gilbert, and sent an experimental text to him, answering his question.

 _ **Matthew/Birdie: We could meet outside of the music room? It's close, and the music teacher usually pulls some strings so I'm in her class right before lunch.**_

Gilbert looked at his phone, smiling. Birdie seemed like the type of person who would be in the music room. "Do you play an instrument?" Gilbert asked. He used to play the electric guitar, but had stopped when his brother got mad about the noise.

Matthew smiled at the approval for their meeting place, but blushed when asked about his musical ability. "I-I play the cello... A-and I'm our only male soprano, in the choir..."

Gilbert put his phone back in his pocket and took off his backpack, searching for his laptop. He took it out, looping his headphones around his neck. "Hey, I'd better get to class, I've got Dr. Vargas next, and he doesn't like it if I'm late. Gilbert knew that Dr. Vargas liked him somewhat, especially since his grandson was dating Gilbert's younger brother, Ludwig. But Dr. Vargas never made exceptions for anybody, always sending anyone even a few seconds after the bell to lunch detention.

Matthew was a little upset to end the conversation, but was happy he could go and expel his breakfast. He nodded his understanding about Gilbert, and Dr. Vergas.

Gilbert waved as he jogged away, holding his laptop under his arm. He ran to class, plopping down inbetween Francis and Antonio seconds before the bell rang. He opened his laptop, pulling up e-mail.

 _ **AwesomeGil : Hey, I talked to Matthew and we're going on a date! I kinda think this might work. He's scrawny, but he's cute!**_

 _ **FrancisAmore : See! Told u it would work, u even got a nickname 4 him! Doctor Love is always right!**_

Gilbert looked up, pulling up a new document. It was only the first day of school, and he already had to take notes!

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Matthew ran to the bathroom, and locked himself in a stall, before shoving his fingers down his throat, and vomiting up the undigested parts of his breakfast. Matthew felt disappointed that he only got up a small portion of his meager breakfast, but glad he hadn't let the rest of it add to his likeness of Alfred.


	2. Lunch, and Music

Matthew was nearly late for his first class, and barely stayed awake until his music class. Mrs. Kerkland had made good on her promise to give Matthew the class before lunch. Even after the bell rang he stayed completely emerged in the song he was playing, with his music could be heard outside the music room as other students headed out to lunch.

Gilbert was more than ready for lunch, so he went to the music room, tapping his foot as he waited for Matthew, before he heard the music. Gilbert peeked into the music room, smiling as he heard the music. Birdie was really good at playing the cello, and he looked as if he was putting all his heart and soul into it. Gilbert felt a pang of sadness as he remembered the hours he'd spend listening to his ex-boyfriend, Roderick play piano. But today was a new day, and Gilbert now got to focus on Birdie... his Birdie making beautiful music with his cello. "Hey, birdie, that was really good," Gilbert said truthfully once the song had ended.

Matthew jumped, upon hearing Gilbert's voice, and made a noise that could NOT have been human, caught somewhere between a mouse squeak, and a Pokemon cry. He held his cello for dear life, trying to keep it balanced on his frail shoulder, and not crushing him under it's weight (a feat in which he was failing, quite spectacularly).

As Matthew struggled under the weight of his cello, he realized that it was Gilbert who had startled him, and remembered his promise of lunch with the albino. He struggled to smile at Gilbert, despite his struggle with the mammoth of an instrument trying to crush him, and said, "t-thank you..."

"You alright there?" Gilbert asked. He didn't mean to startle Birdie, but he just had to tell him how good he was. Gilbert walked over to Matthew and supported the cello so that Matthew could stand up. From this, Gilbert now noticed just how tiny Matthew really was compared to the cello. Gilbert now felt as though he needed to treat Matthew really gently, like he was a fragile newborn bird.

Matthew sighed in relief, as Gilbert took the cello off of him, allowing him to stand up. "Thank you..." He whispered, before pulling the roiling cello case over to them. He carefully took the cello from Gilbert, and placed it in it's case.

Matthew could fit inside his cello case (as a few jocks found out last year by locking him in it), and naturally, had trouble with the roiling behemoth, but still managed to get it safely roiled to his music locker, and secure it wouldn't be stolen. He turned back to Gilbert and mumbled, "sorry about that... I should have been ready..."

Gilbert was surprised at how well Matthew managed the large cello, it was even bigger than him! But somehow, the instrument was fitting to Matthew. "You ready for lunch? I was thinking we could go and sit outside, it's nicer," Gilbert liked the lazy summer breeze that was outside, and knew that it would be quieter though. He held out his hand, waiting for Matthew to come over. Gilbert was basically dating Matthew now, so they could hold hands without it being weird.

Matthew smiled and nodded happily. He blushed, and timidly slipped his hand into Gilbert's. Matthew's smile faded slightly, and his hand began to shake, as he thought about his brother seeing him with Gilbert. Alfred was in the group of idiots who would shove notes in Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio's lockers, with phrases like, "go kill yourself faggot!" Alfred himself was bi-curious, but his friends didn't know that, and nether did their family. Matthew had yet to officially come out of the closet to his own family (though he wasn't trying to hide it, no one noticed), and Alfred's gang were some of the few people Matthew was glad didn't notice.

Gilbert squeezed Matthew's hand reassuringly. He looked scared of something, Gilbert just didn't know what. Whatever it was, Gilbert could surely make sure Matthew was alright, he would protect his little birdie with his awesomeness! Gilbert led Matthew outside to a lush grassy hill where he liked to sit. He sat down, pulling a paper bag out of his backpack. He opened it and grimaced when he saw MORE pasta.

Matthew was grateful no one said anything to him about being with Gilbert, and happily followed the albino outside. He sat on the lush green hillside with Gilbert, smiling at the view. He saw Gilbert pulling a bag out of his backpack, and winced as the smell of pasta assaulted his senses. He had food on him, and he pulled it out, but it was only a meagre three celery sticks. Celery was the only food Matthew voluntarily put into his system, because it had negative calories. He burned three calories trying to digest the little buggers, and he was glad of it.

Gilbert opened his lunch and took a bite of his pasta. "It's good, but I've had too much of it. I swear Luddy's got enough pasta stored in our house to feed the U.S. Army, and all this is because of his stupid boyfriend," Gilbert didn't dislike Ludwig's Italian boyfriend, Feliciano, but the kid could get annoying, and Gilbert was so sick of eating pasta all the time. "You want some?" Gil asked, picking up a meatball with his plastic fork and holding it out to Matthew. "It won't bite," he added as an afterthought.

Matthew shook his head, and looked away. "I'm vegan..." He mumbled. Matthew had been vegan long before he stopped eating, but they were for the same reasons. Matthew switched to pure plant based sustenance in an effort to lose weight, and be less like his brother. He still used it as an excuse to avoid some foods, and restaurants. The doctors in the hospital even told his parents that animal products would cause him to be violently ill at this point, as he wasn't used to it. Matthew munched on one of his celery sticks, and watched a lady bug crawling on a leaf, with wavering intrest.

"Oh..." Gilbert looked down at his lunch and ate his pasta in silence. He didn't think lunch with Matthew would be this awkward, they just didn't have much to talk about. Gil looked over at Matthew, who was watching a lady bug. Gilbert put his hand next to the leaf and the ladybug wandered onto his finger. He held his hand out to Matthew, smiling. "Look who came for a visit," he murmured as he turned over his hand, watching the ladybug spiral across his arm.

Matthew giggled at Gilbert, and the ladybug. He hadn't giggled in a long time, and he was a little shocked to hear it come out of his mouth. Matthew hadn't been this happy in a long time. Just sitting with someone who actually cared, and enjoying each other's company, was better then anything he could remember.

Gilbert didn't know very much about Matthew, but he did know one thing for sure: he had an adorable laugh, and Gilbert wanted to hear him laugh more. "Do you want to hold it?" Gilbert asked. Matthew didn't seem like the type of person to be scared of bugs, but he didn't just want to let the ladybug onto Matthew.

Matthew smiled, and took the lady bug from Gilbert. He watched the little bug, before his phone vibrated. He passed the bug off to Gilbert, and checked his phone. He scowled and texted back, furious with his brother.

"You okay?" Gilbert asked, seeing Matthew's expression. He hoped that someone hadn't been rude to him or anything, since he seemed like the type of person who was easy to push around. Gilbert held out his hand, and the ladybug flew off into the air.

Matthew nodded, a stray tear slipping down his face. "My brother... He's a jerk, a-and..." He typed a quick response to his idiot brother.

 _ **Alfie: Mattie, what are you doing with that Faggot!? He's in the Bad Touch Trio! They're all a bunch of Rapists, Perverts, and Pedophiles!**_

 _ **Mattie: Shut up, Alfred! You don't even know him!**_

 _ **Alfie: People are going to think you're a queer...**_

 _ **Mattie: you don't know me either! You're one to talk about being queer! Didn't you bang that guy Francis has been crushing on, just last week!?**_

 _ **Alfie: First off, his name is Arthur. Second, he's an experiment! It's for the pursuit of knowledge!**_

"H-hey, don't cry!" Gilbert stammered. He wrapped his arms around Matthew, gently rubbing circles onto his back. Gilbert hated when people cried, he just never knew what to do. The last time he'd cried was when he'd found out that Roderick was cheating on him.

Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilberts arm, before handing over his phone so Gilbert wouldn't be in the dark. Sometimes Matthew hated his brother. "H-here... read for yourself... My idiot brother..."

Gilbert glared at Matthew's phone. He couldn't believe just how mean Matthew's brother was, and it hurt Gilbert to know that anyone would act like this to such a sweet person. Gilbert was a bit of a bully to his younger brother, but never like that. Their mom had died right after Ludwig was born, and their father lived in Germany for work. Gilbert and Ludwig depended on each other, and both of them were fine with whatever happened to the other.

"I'm sorry, about him... He's a hypocrite, and a jerk..." Matthew said, sadly, "I hate being compared to him... I'm more open minded..." Matthew turned to hug Gilbert, and berried his face in Gilbert's shoulder.

Gilbert stroked Matthew's soft hair, trying to make him feel better. He was so beautiful, to see him like this just broke Gilbert's heart. Matthew was like a little bird, fragile and perfect. All Gilbert wanted was to make it better. "It's alright, Birdie. I'm awesome, so I'll protect you from anyone who's mean to you," Gilbert said proudly, but something in him died when he wondered why anyone would ever pick on someone as sweet as Matthew.

Matthew laughed, but his laughs quickly turned to sobs. He held to Gilbert as tightly as he could, which wasn't very tight at all. His emaciated frame shook in Gilbert's arms, and his tears were soaking through Gilbert's shirt. All the pain he had felt for so many years of living in Alfred's shadow, began to poor out of him, if only for the moment. Matthew had never had anyone who he thought was strong enough to take his pain.

"Don't cry! You'll be okay, please just don't cry," Gilbert stammered, hugging Matthew. It hurt him to see Matthew crying like this, and each sob looked as if it would crush Matthew with it's weight. Gilbert rubbed Matthew's back soothingly, trying to calm him down. "You're okay. I won't let anyone be mean to you, okay?" Gilbert promised. He knew that he'd do whatever it took to make Matthew smile again.

Matthew smiled through the tears, and choked, "Thank you..." The small boy pulled away from Gilbert, wiping tears from his eyes. He began to worry about Gilbert feeling his (nonexistent) fat. As far as Matthew was concerned, he was as big as his brother.

"Hey, anytime someone's pushing you around or being mean, just come to me. Okay? I'll use my awesomeness to defeat them," Gilbert smiled at Matthew, gently wiping away the smaller teen's tears with his thumb. Gilbert had been in his fair share of fights, and could easily beat anyone. After all, he was going into the army after he was done with high school, so he needed to be good at hand to hand combat.

Matthew nodded happily. He wiped away some stray tears, with his hoodie sleeve, and took a shaky breath. "I wonder where they get the rumors that you're a jerk from?" He said, absentmindedly, "Alfred always talks about how much of a jerk you are, but you're not at all... You're really nice... You're very sweet when someone gets to know you..."

Gilbert playfully ruffled Matthew's long hair. He looked a lot like Francis, but Matthew was cute and sweet, not rowdy and perverted. "Well, I think anyone who calls me a jerk is just jealous of my awesomeness," Gilbert replied, but he knew the truth. People called him a jerk for being gay. People thought he was creepy because he wore black and liked to smoke cigarettes. People especially thought badly of him because of who he hung around.

Matthew smiled at Gilbert, and said, "You know something... I think you're pretty accurate with that description... You really are awesome..." Mathew took his phone back from Gilbert, as it vibrated, and checked it. He chuckled and texted back.

Frying Pan Feminist: Hey Maple! Isn't that Roderik's ex?

Maple: Yeah, the one he was still seeing when he asked you out... I still don't know what you see in that pompous jerk, he already two timed you.

Frying Pan Feminist: What are you, the state prosecutor!? I asked a simple yes or no question! I wasn't trying to have my boyfriend's morals put on trial!

Gilbert beamed when Matthew called him awesome. His little birdie was just so cute, and he obviously had a good idea of who is awesome. Seeing Matthew laugh made Gilbert smile even more. When he thought back on it, Francis really did know who Gilbert would like, he couldn't wait to go on a date with Matthew!

Matthew put his phone away, and said, "Sorry... Elizavetha saw us, and was confirming your identity..." He tucked some of his blond hair out of his face, and pulled his knees up to hug them to his chest. Matthew put his chin on his knees, and sighed. "Did you have any place in mind?" He asked, "For coffee, after school, I mean..."

"Well, there's a little coffee place downtown. Let me look it up. I've been there a few times and it was pretty awesome," Gilbert pulled up his phone and looked up the coffee shop. He pulled a notebook and a pencil from his backpack, copying down the address and handing the folded up paper to Matthew. "Keep that safe, it's got my awesomeness sealed up in it for when I'm not around and you need a dose of the awesome Gil!"

Matthew smiled, and took the piece of paper from Gilbert. He chuckled at the albino, and said, "I'll guard it with my life." He folded the paper, and put it in his hoodie pocket. Matthew looked at Gilbert, and pushed his glasses up. "Gilbert..." He whispered, nervously, "What are we? Are we... A couple, or... Friends, or... well... I mean... Am I... Am I your boyfriend?"

"Of course! You are my awesome boyfriend, and we are an awesome couple," Gilbert replied. It felt nice being able to say those words again, he missed having someone to call his boyfriend and being able to be part of a couple.

Matthew's face brightened, and he smiled at Gilbert. On an impulse he glomped Gilbert in a hug. He had never felt so wanted. He felt like he finally existed. Finally someone saw him, and didn't compare him to Alfred. He finally felt like someone cared. He began to mumble rapid French, that roughly translated to a very accurate description of his thoughts and feelings at that moment.

Both he and Alfred were fluent in four languages each. Alfred spoke English, Spainsh, Cree, and American Sign Language. Matthew spoke English, French, Cree, and American Sign Language.

Gilbert hugged Matthew back, smiling until his face hurt. Everything was alright! He had an adorable little boyfriend, and he was going on a date! Everything was just so perfect. The pair were interrupted by the bell ringing, signaling the end of lunch. "Here, I'll walk you to your next class," Gilbert offered, squeezing Matthew's hand. He wanted to make sure that nobody harassed his little Birdie for hanging around him, and he wanted to spend time with Matthew before he had to go to AP calculus, which seemed to be the most boring class on his schedule.

Matthew sighed, as the bell rang, and said, "Might not be a good idea... I have AP Calculus... The room's in the west wing... Not even in the math department..."

"Hey, I got that too!" Gilbert grinned, pulling his schedule from his bag and showing it to Matthew. Right after the space for lunch was AP Calculus in big black letters on the crumpled cream colored paper. Gilbert hoisted his bag over his shoulder and stood up, holding out his hands to help Matthew up.

Matthew grinned, and let Gilbert help him up. As he stood he lost his footing, and ended up throwing all of his weight into Gilbert's arms. All of his 76.3lbs into Gilbert's arms, and he panicked, thinking that Gilbert would feel how fat he was.

Gilbert was surprised at how light Matthew was. Gilbert was strong enough to lift his own brother, who was as muscular and heavy as a linebacker, but Matthew was like a feather. All that occurred to Gilbert was that Matthew was naturally small; he already saw how hard it was for Matthew to deal with a cello. "Here ya go," Prussia giggled, helping Matthew regain his footing.

Matthew breathed a sigh of relief, when Gilbert didn't show any signs of disgust, or struggle. He smiled as Gilbert gently set him on his feet. "Thank you..." He whispered, signing it subconsciously. Alfred had trouble hearing Matthew some times, and it was why they took sign language courses. Matthew often signed things as he said them, out of pure habit.


	3. School, Friends, and Maple Syrup

The warning bell rang, and Gilbert jumped in surprise. He grabbed Matthew's hand and began to run, not wanting to be late for class. "Come... on... don't... wanna... be late..." he huffed as he ran, making sure Matthew was following.

Matthew ran after Gilbert, but found his heart barely keeping up. Matthew was not good with cardio workouts. He wasn't to good at any physical activity anymore. He didn't have the energy. He started to see black dots in his vision, and decided they needed to stop, late or not. The Calculus teacher was a nice woman anyways, who would understand why they were late. "G-Gil... S-stop..." He gasped, his vision going dark.

"Birdie?" Gilbert asked. He was used to running for long periods of time, especially since he ran for at least half an hour on a treadmill each night, but he could tell that Matthew definitely wasn't. It wasn't that the smaller man was out of shape, he was just so fragile. Gilbert went over to Matthew and gave him a hug. "Here, we can walk if that's better," Gil offered. He didn't want to accidentally hurt Matthew, he was scared to mess this up.

Matthew nodded, and panted for air. He leaned heavily on Gilbert, and blinked multiple times to clear his vision. "I-I'm sorry..." He whimpered, feeling awful about making Gilbert late.

"Don't say sorry. It's my fault, I was the one who was concerned with being late for class," Gilbert gave Matthew another hug, gently stroking his hair. "You okay now?" he asked.

Matthew nodded, and leaned into Gilbert's touch. He sighed, in momentary bliss, and mumbled, "'Bad Touch' my foot..." Matthew wrapped an arm as far around Gilbert's waist it would go, and snuggled up to Gilbert.

Gilbert looked down at Matthew, who was much shorter than him. He made a mental note to thank Francis later, since Matthew was obviously awesome enough to be worthy of Gilbert's affection. Matthew was just so cute like that, hugging Gilbert, that he forgot all about having to get to class, and all he wanted to do was stay there forever with Matthew holding onto him.

Matthew cuddled Gilbert for a bit more, before the bell rang, signalling them late for class. "We better get moving... We can just tell her I had one of my fits, and you helped me... She'll understand..."

Gilbert raised an eyebrow, wondering to himself what Matthew meant by 'fits' but he didn't say anything more. Instead, he grabbed Matthew's hand and started to walk to class, making sure he didn't go too fast for Matthew.

Matthew took Gilbert's hand happily, and walked with him to their class. He carefully opened the door, and walked in avoiding eye contact with their Egyptian teacher.

There were two seats left in the class, both of which were next to Antonio. Gilbert sat down, patting the seat next to him so Matthew knew to sit there. Gilbert pulled out his phone along with Antonio, quickly texting his friend:

 _ **Toni: Where were u?**_

 _ **Gilly: With Matthew. Francis actually fixed me up with someone good for once.**_

 _ **Toni: What did u 2 do?**_

 _ **Gilly: elope**_

 _ **Toni: what? thought u 2 would work well, but not that well!**_

 _ **Gilly: No, dummkopf, we hung out**_

 _ **Toni: really? I heard from someone that u 2 were fucking**_

 _ **Gilly: what? nein, all we did was talk... and he hugged me... BUT THAT'S IT!**_

 _ **Toni: okay, ill take ur word 4 it**_

Matthew sat down next to Gilbert, and pulled his own phone out, while Ms. Cleo (as she insisted they call her by her first name) went over the syllabus. He began to text his cousin, about Gilbert.

 _ **Matthieu: I'm dating your friend Gilbert**_

 _ **Francy Pants: That's wonderful, Matthieu!**_

 _ **Matthieu: you set it up didn't you?**_

 _ **Francy Pants: what!? I did not! He came up with it on his own!**_

 _ **Matthieu: Whatever you say Dr. Love...**_

 _ **Francy Pants: You can thank me later!**_

Gilbert barely managed to survive the class, though it was his last of the day. Finally, finally, the bell rang! The teacher closed her book and dismissed class, and Gilbert stood up, putting his hands on Matthew's desk. "So, about that date," Gilbert said, grinning. He couldn't wait!

Matthew felt himself panic, as the wording of the phrase made him assume Gilbert didn't want to go out with him. He forced himself to look at Gilbert, and sighed, visibility relaxing, at the excited grin on the albino's face. Matthew forced a smile, as he was quite nervous. He had never dated anyone, and no one but Kat even knew he was gay! "G-Gilbert..." Matthew said tearfully, "I... I've never... Well I mean... I-I've never... Been in p-public... W-with another guy... O-or a girl... And... No one exactly knows that I'm... Well... I mean... M-my brother..."

"Aww, it'll be okay. Anyway, the only reason people care is because they're jealous of us," the last thing Gilbert wanted was for Matthew to be scared of other people's reactions to them being together. And if Matthew's older brother had a problem with them being together, then Gilbert would make sure that problem was resolved. Gilbert held his hand out to Matthew, waiting for him to take it.

Matthew nodded, and took a deep breath, before taking Gilbert's hand into his bony ones. As he reached out his hoodie roiled up some, and revealed his bony wrist, and the self inflicted cuts littering the underside. Matthew tried to stand quickly, to allow the hoodie sleeve to roil back down, but failed quite epically in this endeavor, resulting in him tripping over his own feet, and falling backwards, gripping onto Gilbert for dear life.

Gilbert quickly wrapped his arms around Matthew, pulling him up so that he was pressed against Gilbert's muscular chest. "Here, you okay birdie?" Gilbert asked. Matthew was so clumsy, it was awfully cute, but it still made Gilbert worry. The fragile boy looked as though he would snap in two from the gentlest gust of wind, and Gilbert felt as though he had to be extra-careful with Matthew so that nothing bad happened to him.

Mathew found himself unknowingly holding on to Gilbert. The blond had never felt so safe then in that moment. He felt as though nothing else mattered. Like the brother, who's shadow he could never crawl out of, didn't even exist. Only Mathew and his Gilbert. Matthew smiled, and snuggled into Gilbert's chest a little, before whispering, "I'm okay, now..."

Gilbert felt his heart skip a beat. Matthew just made him feel so happy! Gilbert hugged Matthew then pulled away, grabbing Matthew's hand. "Hope it's okay that we'll have to walk, Ludwig has my car," Gilbert said. The coffee shop wasn't too far, but Gil wanted to be sure that Matthew had enough energy to walk the few blocks to their destination. Of course, Gilbert had a car, but his lisence had been suspended until the end of the month. Now, Ludwig used Gilbert's giant black jeep until Gilbert was allowed to have it back.

Matthew nodded, and happily took Gilbert's hand in his own. "I don't mind..." He said. Matthew typically walked al the way home on most days, as his brother and he shared a car, and so Alfred always had it. Matthew had no after school activities, unlike Alfred, skin he would just walk home, and let Alfred drive.

Gilbert led Matthew out of the school, in the direction of the coffee shop. He wanted to get to know Matthew better, but he didn't exactly know what to ask him. Eventually, Gilbert's mind landed on his usual ice-breaking question: "Do you like birds?" Gilbert often found that to be one of the only things he had in common with other people, a mutual liking for birds.

Mathew smiled and said, "I like birds! I used to go to the park with my dad on Sunday afternoons, and we'd go bird watching..." Matthew's face fell, and he said, "or... We did... Before he started watching football with Alfred on Sunday afternoons..."

"Well, maybe you can go bird watching with me," Gilbert offered. He liked birds quite a bit and even had one of his own. "I've got a bird. He's super awesome, so I named him Gilbird. I found him a few years ago," In the middle of Winter, Gilbert had been shovelling snow, and had heard a series of quiet chirps, but he couldn't figure out where they were from. Eventually, Gilbert found an imprint in the snow, and a little yellow bird, who was nearly frozen. At that time, Gilbird was quite young, and had fallen out of his nest. The little bird was barely clinging on to life, but Gilbert still wrapped it up in hus scarf and ran to his apartment, where over the course of a few weeks, he managed to nurse Gilbird back to health. Eventually, Gilbert knew that he had to let the bird go, but Gilbert had become comfortable with him, and refused to leave. Now, Gilbird was really well trained, and Gilbert was so happy that he had a bird.

Mathew giggled and said, "I've never had a bird for a pet... Alfred had a dog once, but he accidentally killed it... I've only ever had goldfish and Kuma..." Matthew chuckled happily at the thought of his overgrown polar bear. "He's a bit unconventional..."

"Kuma?" Gilbert asked. He'd never heard about it before, but he wondered what it was, seeing as Matthew had called it unconventional. Gilbert decided to also take this chance to get closer to Matthew. He stopped holding hands with him, instead putting his hand on Matthew's waist and pulling him closer to Gilbert's side.

Matthew smiled and gradually cuddled closer to Gilbert. He pulled out his wallet, and took out a picture, handing it to Gilbert. "This was him on our last trip to Canada... The lazy thing fell asleep on the ice. In the middle of a hockey game!" Matthew said with a laugh. He did love his Kuma.

"Definitely unconventional," Gilbert replied, chuckling. Kuma was cute, but he looked... big, and quite unlike something Matthew would have. Gilbert turned the corner, walking to a coffee shop and holding open the door for Matthew.

Matthew thanked Gilbert as he walked into the coffee shop, before putting his picture back. "I love my Kuma... He was a rescue bear... His mother had been killed for her fur, and he was all alone... The rescue team named him Kuma... Kumajiru? Something like that... It means 'hope' in some native language, that's definitely not Cree... I could never remember it so I shortened it to Kuma!"

"He sounds really cute. Maybe I'll meet him sometime," Gilbert said. He wrapped his arm around Matthew's waist again, walking up to the cozy shop's counter to order. "What do you think you want?" Gilbert asked, hoping that there was something vegan for Matthew.

Matthew thought about it for a bit, and said, "do you think they'd give me maple syrup for my coffee if I asked?"

Matthew often hurt himself for his maple syrup, but it was like his drug. He hated how 'fat' it made him, and he was borderline diabetic because of his constant consumption of it, but he couldn't stop. His maple was his life, and he couldn't quit with rehab. Alfred and Matthew were both borderline diabetic, but neither of them cut out the problem. Matthew still drank maple syrup like it was water, and Alfred still ate like a glutton, with a sweet tooth.

Gilbert laughed "probably, although I don't understand why that would go well in coffee... maybe I should try it!" He went up to the counter and ordered coffees with maple syrup for both of them. Apart from getting a weird look from the cashiier, they got their coffees.

Matthew clapped his hands excitedly, and took his maple coffee. He took a sip of it and sighed like an addict who just got high. "Best substance in the world... Maple syrup..."

Gilbert chuckled, taking a sip of his own maple coffee. It was actually pretty good! Matthew had gotten a little drop of coffee on his chin, and Gilbert leaned forward, making sure the few people in the cafe weren't watching. "You got a little something on you," Gilbert murmured, cupping Matthew's chin in his hand and licking the little drop of coffee off of his chin.

Matthew blushed, as Gilbert licked the coffee off his chin. He was inexperienced, but he had grown up very close to Francis. He knew more about sex then his own whore of a brother, and he was still a vergin. He knew how to kiss, just like Francis had showed him. "You're doing it wrong," he said, getting a seductive, all too French look in his eye. He tangled his free hand into Gilbert's hair, and kissed the albino passionately. Matthew only held it for a moment or two, and soon pulled away, to leave Gilbert wanting (another trick his French cousin taught him). "That's how you kiss..." He said softly, before taking another sip of his coffee.

Gilbert was so suprised, words failed him. Matthew was an amazing kisser, and it honestly surprised Gilbert. He leaned forward and gave Matthew another kiss. His lips were soft, and he tasted sweet, like maple syrup. Gilbert then pulled away, looking into Matthew's big, beautiful eyes. Everything was so different from when Gilbert was with Roderich, and everything felt better.

Matthew smiled as he was kissed again, and took Gilbert's hand hostage in his own. "Well... I hope you like being someone's first... You're my first kiss that wasn't considered incest..."

Gilbert chuckled. He was glad to get to be Matthew's first kiss, and he immediately could tell that the incesty stuff was Francis' fault. Gilbert took a sip of coffee, running his thumb along the soft skin of Matthew's frail hand.


	4. Alfred

Matthew drank more of his coffee, finishing half of it in bliss, before, his frail hands started shaking in Gilbert's grip. The, already far to visible, veins on his hands, began to bulge off of his translucent skin. Matthew's weak heart began to beat rapidly, and he shakily set his cup down, unable to drink anymore. Matthew began to breath rapidly, and his grip on Gilbert's hand was as tight as he could get it (which wasn't very tight at all).

"Hey, Birdie, you okay?" Gilbert asked, concerned. He could tell that Matthew was getting all too jittery from the Coffee. Matthew already seemed too small, and Gilbert had to wonder if something was wrong with him, seeing as he was much too small and weak to just be that way, something was obviously wrong.

Matthew nodded a liar's nod, and said, "m-might just n-need some insulin... I-I'm not necessarily a d-diabetic but... I-I'm at risk..." Matthew knew good and well that this was more then just high blood sugar, but that wasn't helping. It was the caffeine, plain and simple, but Matthew couldn't let Gilbert worry about that. If Gilbert started asking questions, Matthew didn't know if he could lie to the albino. Gilbert's scarlet eyes could see right to Matthew's soul, and that scared him. Matthew's soul was being swallowed by his anorexia. He had already been stripped to the bone by his blades, stripped to the soul with anorexia, and stripped to the core by his own mirror, yet he was still not good enough. The thought of Gilbert seeing him so broken, and imperfect scared him something awful. Matthew felt like the evil queen from Snow White, 'mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all.' Only Matthew's Snow White was Alfred, and he had no huntsman to kill his twin, and pull him from the shadows.

"Want me to take ya home?" Gilbert asked. He honestly worried quite a bit about Matthew. He leaned over, giving Matthew a kiss on his forehead.

Matthew didn't want to go home, but he really needed to go home and take his insulin, and melatonin tablets. He nodded sadly, and said, "w-would you stay over?" His words were one thing, but his eyes begged, _'please don't leave me!'_

Anyone else would say that Matthew and Gilbert's relationship was going too fast, but Gilbert didn't care. "Of course," he replied, kissing Matthew's forehead and stroking his hair.

Matthew smiled, and stood up shakily, leaning on the table, heavily. "Y-you know what... W-we don't know much a-about each other... Maybe on the way, w-we could play 20 questions?"

Gilbert stood up, looping an arm around Matthew's waist to steady him. "That sounds fun," Gilbert said, turning his head to give Matthew a quick kiss.

Matthew leaned on Gilbert, and sighed at the stability. "O-okay..." Matthew said, "I'll start... What's your favorite colour?"

"Hmm, um, probably black, or Prussian Blue... Bit darker then navy," Gilbert said, looking at his own black sweatshirt and ripped black leather pants. "How about you?" Gilbert asked.

"Mine is red..." Matthew whispered, as the two walked out of the coffee shop. He still leaned heavily on Gilbert, but his heart was slowing down. "You're turn..."

"Hmm, how about, what's your favourite food?" Gilbert asked. He wanted to get to know Matthew better, especially because well... they were dating now.

Matthew's face fell, and he froze briefly, stumbling. His eyes averted, and he whispered, "celery... I guess..." It was all he willingly ate after all.

"Ah, I don't like celery much. Does Beer count as food? Because that is definitely my favorite food," Gilbert chuckled at himself. Both him and his brother loved beer, and they both found ways to obtain it. Matthew, however, didn't seem like the type of person to even touch a flute of champagne... maybe if it was maple flavored?

Matthew chuckled, and said, "well if we're counting beer, then mine c-can be changed to maple syrup... Kat once took some of her brother's v-vodka, and we were mixing it to m-make shots... I convinced her to put orange j-juice, and maple syrup in one of them, and we called it a maple shot... It was a-awesome! The vodka b-burns your throat in a g-good way, and the syrup makes it harder to go d-down..."

Gilbert laughed, realizing that Matthew was definitely not as innocent as he seemed. "Wow, Birdie, do you know how awesome you are?" Gilbert asked. He rarely called anyone other than himself awesome, but Matthew definitely deserved the title.

Matthew smiled brightly, and cuddled closer to Gilbert. "What's your middle name?" He asked, feeling it a safe question.

"It's Frederick, but I shortened it to Fritz because it sounds awesomer," Gilbert replied, turning his head and giving Matthew another kiss. "Do you have one?" He asked.

Matthew nodded, and giggled at the kiss. "You just can't keep your hands off of me!" He giggled again, and said, "Mine is a girls name... Alfred and I both have girl middle names... And their both flower based! That's why he just says the first letter... My middle name is Iris... In the language of the flower, it means they have a message... A meaning..." His face fell slightly, and he whispered, "I'm still trying to figure out what mine is..."

Gilbert gave Matthew another kiss. It was true, keeping his hands off Matthew was impossible, since he was just too cute! "I think everyone's got a meaning. Maybe yours is to be the cutest guy on earth," Gilbert replied, chuckling.

Matthew giggled, and snuggled closer to Gilbert. His body no longer shook so violently, and his speach had improved. The caffeine was quickly running its corse. "Your turn..."

"Hmmm, how about, favorite song," Gilbert asked. He looked down at Matthew, who was just so cute. No one would ever believe that they'd only met formally that morning.

Matthew whispered after little thought, "Pitty Party by Melinie Martinez..." He liked the song, and the situation happened a lot. Matthew was actually two days older then Alfred, but no one ever remembered. Their mother had been in labor for 48 hours after Matthew was born trying to have his brother, before they rushed her into surgery, for a cesarian section. Matthew's birthday is two days before Alfred's, but no one remembers that.

"Oh, I like Melanie Martinez," Gilbert said, grinning, "but I'd say that Sing by My Chemical Romance is my favorite song," Gilbert really did like My chemical Romance, along with other groups in that genre.

"Well it was either that or Numb by Lincon Park..." Matthew whispered. He snuggled a bit closer to Gilbert. And began the next round. "What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?"

Gilbert took off his sweater. Underneath, he was wearing a black tank top, which showed off his muscular build. On his right shoulder was an extremely detailed tattoo of an eagle. "I got this a year ago. It used to say Gilbert sucks and antonio and francis rule the world, which I got when I was drunk, so I had to cover it up somehow. And so, I got this." Gilbert laughed, tossing his sweater over his other shoulder.

Matthew laughed, and said, "that's a pretty good cover..." He looked at the eagle and said, "it looks familiar..."

Gilbert smiled "It's from the Prussian flag. I traced my ancestry back to Frederick, the old king of Prussia. It's why that's my middle name," Gilbert was proud of being Prussian, and knew everything about the ex- nation's history.

Matthew looked at Gilbert with awe. "No wonder... You carry yourself like a blue blood, but I had no idea you actually descended from Prussian royalty..." He thought for a moment and said, "the weirdest thing I've ever done, is convinced Elizavetha, and the youngest Vergas brother to cross dress with me for Halloween... We went to a Halloween party, and we had everyone so confused!" He started laughing as he contended, "Felincio went home with a blond kid dressed like a Roman Catholic priest, and Elizavetha led on this guy, for the whole ni-" Matthew cut himself off, as he remembered it was Gilbert she had led on. "Oh... I'm sorry... That was you wasn't it?"

Gilbert laughed "I have a feeling it was! And that 'roman catholic priest guy,' I think he might be my brother. Feliciano's all over him now, I wouldn't be surprised if they got married!" Gilbert grinned, trying to imagine Matthew dressed as a girl. He certainly looked like he could do it.

"That was a wile back, but I wouldn't be surprised... I still have pictures..." Matthew said. He couldn't cross dress much anymore. He was too translucent, and his anorexia was too obvious. "Your turn..."

Gilbert tapped his finger against his leg. "How about, favorite thing to do in your free time," he said. "Also, I definitely have to see pictures of you crossdressing," Gilbert laughed at the thought of Matthew in a dress.

Matthew smiled and said, "we need to take a right up here..." He pointed in that direction and said, "that's my house... The one with the American and Canadian flags in the front windows..." He then answered the question. "My favorite thing to do is play my cello..."

"Hmm, my favorite thing to do is probably... be awesome. Oh wait, I already do that 24/7" Gilbert said, laughing. He looked up at Matthew's house, which looked nice and cozy. Gilbert recognized it because he passed it on the way to school, but knowing that someone he knew occuppied it made it slightly more inviting.

Matthew laughed, and pulled Gilbert into his house. The sound of Alfred playing some kind of video game in the living room could be heard, before Matthew even shut the door. Alfred yelled, "Hey, Mattie! Kiku brought sushi, if you want some!"

Matthew suppressed a shudder, and looked at Gilbert, "if you want some help yourself... I don't eat cooked fish, let alone raw..." He peaked into the living room where. His twin was playing some violent game with Kiku. He called, barely audible over the game, "Alfred! Come take your insulin tablets! I saw the chocolate wrappers!"

Alfred groaned loudly, but didn't stop playing, so Matthew added, "You're going to get diabetes, and die, because you'll never cut out sugar, and you won't take your medicine!"

Alfred paused the game, and stood up, walking towards the kitchen. "Says the guy who drinks maple syrup like it's water!" He grumbled, loudly.

Matthew stopped his brother and introduced him to Gilbert, with a slight malice in his eyes. "Alfred, this is Gilbert... I don't believe you've officially met... Gilbert... This is my brother Alfred..."

"Hello," Gilbert said, by way of greeting. He held out his hand for Alfred to shake, mentally sizing him up. Gilbert wanted to slam Alfred into the wall and punch him in the dick until he promised never to make Matthew cry again, but he restrained himself, simply glancing at Matthew.

Alfred didn't shake Gilbert's hand, instead he grabbed Matthew's arm, and dragged the boy into the kitchen. "Mattie, what were you thinking! God, I'm starting to think you're a queer!" He hissed at his brother.

Matthew angrily got their insulin tablets out of the cabinet and slammed the bottle on the table. "Well what if I am!? Since when has being a slut a crime in this family!?" Mathew yelled, though his voice was no louder then Alfred speaking normally. Matthew got the two a glass of water each, and slammed them down to join the pills.

Alfred growled, "what the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

Matthew fished out two pills, handing one to his brother and calmly asking, "how's Arthur?"

The twins took their pills in unison, and each slammed their cups down, before continuing their argument.

Alfred hissed, "what the hell does that have to do with anything!?"

Matthew growled back, "how can you stand there and damn me for being gay, there I said it, I'm gay, and you're fucking more guys then I've ever even talked to! You can't hold my sexuality over me, or I will tell all those homophobic bastards you call friends that you've been with more guys then Francis! And you know it's true, and you know I will!"

Matthew stormed out of the kitchen, after a shouted, "OH YEAH... WELL... YOUR MOM!" From Alfred. He took Gilbert by the hand and pulled him towards the stairs, and into his room. He had frustrated tears rolling down his cheeks, only enhanced by the fact that he knew Gilbert had heard every word of the argument. "I'm so sorry, about him..."

"Don't cry Birdie," Gilbert said, for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day. He cupped Matthew's face in his hands and kissed the tears off his cheeks. Gilbert didn't understand why Alfred was so rude to his brother. Matthew was so sweet and sensitive, that he looked physically crushed by Alfred's rude words.

Matthew sighed, and said, "he's just an idiot... I love him, but he's a stubborn idiot... May fight a lot, but we really are close..." Matthew chuckled, and said, "he's probably trying to be overprotective, but doesn't want to seem overprotective..." He kissed Gilbert's cheek, and said, "thank you for not bashing his brains in..."

"I was planning to, but you shoved me away too fast," Gilbert chuckled, gently stroking Matthew's hair. "I can't say I understand you and your brother's relationship, but I guess I kinda get like that when Ludwig takes away my cigarettes," Gilbert's younger brother had been trying for a grand total of 2 years to stop Gilbert from smoking, but no matter how hard he tried, Ludwig could never get Gilbert to stop.

Matthew shrugged, and said, "I don't blame him... Cigarettes will kill you... But I can't lecture people about doing things that will kill them... I'm borderline diabetic, and addicted to maple syrup..."

Gilbert laughed. "I think the maple syrup thing is cute. Plus, I think I'm gonna start making my coffee with maple syrup," Gilbert gave Matthew another kiss. "Wow, Birdie, I think your kisses are like a drug. I'm addicted," Gilbert just loved how affectionate Matthew was, especially since Roderich had rarely let Gilbert kiss him.

Matthew giggled, and walked over to his bed, pulling a large jug of maple syrup out from under it. "Alfred and I have, for most of our lives, been compliant with the four elf food groups... Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup... I usually eat the syrup, and Alfred does the other three..."

Gilbert glanced at the jug of maple syrup. Some tiny part of his brain thought of it in a sexual way, but the rest of his brain immediately thought of Matthew. "Are you sure you should eat that right now? I mean, after the coffee and everything," Gilbert got scared last time Mattthew was so shaky, and he didn't want to get so worried again.

Matthew nodded, and opened the top of the jug, taking a drink of the pure maple syrup. He set the jug down, a small trickle of syrup connecting him to the jug.

Gilbert smiled. Matthew was cute with his maple syrup.


	5. Pets and Problems

"So, when do I get to meet the famous Kuma?" Gilbert asked. He wanted to see the giant bear for himself, since the closest he'd ever been to a bear was at the zoo.

Matthew put the cap back on his maple syrup, and said, "follow me!" He led Gilbert down stairs, where Alfred had turned just about every electronic up as loud as it would go, and continued out the kitchen door into the back yard. He continued towards the large shed on the property, and said, "we don't lock him up, but the shed is chilled, so he doesn't overheat in the summer..." Matthew opened the door to reveal a fully grown polar bear, sleeping on the floor of the shed. "That's Kuma!" He cheered.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Wow, that's a giant polar bear!" He exclaimed. The bear was sorta cute once he got over the initial 'wow this is a zoo animal living in a suburban family-oriented neighborhood' shock.

Matthew giggled, and walked over to the sleepy bear. He scratched him behind the ears, and said, "Kuma... We have a guest..." The bear stirred, looking at Gilbert, before huffing and curling back up to sleep.

Gilbert was surprised how comfortable Matthew seemed around such a large bear. Gilbert was simply standing halfway in the shed, halfway out, watching in awe as his boyfriend... pet a polar bear.

Matthew scratched Kuma's fur, checking for ticks as he went. He always did this with his bear. He practically cuddled the overgrown pet, as he scratched and massaged his polar bear. "He won't bite, Gilbert, I promise," he called.

Gilbert took a tentative step into the shed, kneeling down and carefully patting Kuma's head. Gilbert knew that he should believe Matthew, but he was still more than a little intimidated by the polar bear.

Matthew smiled, and snuggled his bear, who only sighed, shifted and went back to sleep. "He's really lazy..." Matthew explained.

Gilbert chuckled as he watched Matthew. The teen looked really happy with his polar bear, almost a mirror image of Gilbert when he hug around with his awesome Gilbird. "Ya think we should let him sleep?" Gilbert asked, tucking a stray bit of pure white hair behind his ear.

Matthew sighed, disappointed, but he said, "I guess you're right..." The blond stood up, and gave Kuma one last affectionate scratch behind the ears, before making his way toward the shed's entrance.

Gilbert held out his hand for Matthew to hold, and smmiled at his adorable boyfriend. "I have to say, once you get past the fact that 'wow, there's a polar bear in your shed' Kuma is actually pretty awesome... just not as awesome as you," Gilbert said.

Matthew smiled at Gilbert, and pulled him into the house. Alfred had gotten louder (if that was even possible), and it was obviously scaring the living daylights out of his guest, as Kiku sat nearly frozen as the two played, and he became the subject of Alfred's rage. Matthew shot the Asian a sympathetic look, and pulled Gilbert upstairs.

After having his ears assaulted by Alfred's obnoxiously loud video game, Gilbert was glad to be back upstairs. "Have I told you how awesome you are?" Gilbert asked Matthew. "I mean, you have a pet polar bear, you have made me love maple-coffee, and you're a really good kisser," Gilbert didn't usually compliment people, but Matthew deserved it, he was much awesomer than Roderick ever could be!

Matthew blushed, and looked at his floor. A shy fake smile spread on his face, and he whispered, "Thank you..." Matthew honestly didn't know how to take the statement. It seemed like a genuine compliment, but he was waiting for Gilbert to use it to glorify someone else, the way most of the people in his life did.

Gilbert grinned at Matthew's shy smile, and hugged him, pulling him into a gentle kiss. Sure, Gilbert had kissed people many times before, but every kiss he had with Matthew was the best he'd ever had. Matthew was taken by surprise, but quickly responded. He licked Gilbert's bottom lip, and put a hand in his white locks. Matthew had never liked kissing before, as he'd only ever really kissed Francis, but he enjoyed kissing Gilbert greatly.

Gilbert had to bend over a bit when he kissed Matthew, who was much shorter than him, but he didn't mind. Matthew seemed like the person who would be inexperienced, but he had kissing skills to rival Francis'! Not that Gilbert had ever kissed Francis... maybe once. Gilbert put one hand on Matthew's slim waist, and cupped Matthew's soft cheek with his other hand. Never before had Gilbert gotten so far on a first date, it felt... nice!

Matthew smiled into the kiss, and pulled away briefly for air, but quickly dived back in, to kiss all over Gilbert's face. He pulled Gilbert into a (slightly desperate) hug, trying to keep the boy as close as possible.

To say that Gilbert was in heaven was an understatement. Matthew was the sweetest, most perfect boyfriend he could ever wish for. Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew's waist, leaning forward slightly to give Matthew another kiss. They didn't need words to express themselves, their kisses did the talking.

Matthew cuddled Gilbert, and kissed him again. He broke the kiss soon, in favour of cuddling Gilbert. he timidly asked, "Gilbert... If we were to start cuddling on the bed, could we keep it G rated?"

Gilbert smiled, his heart racing from just the thought of cuddling with cute little Matthew. "Of course," he replied, pulling Matthew closer to him and nuzzling the blonde's shoulder. Matthew pulled Gilbert to his bed, and sat up against the head bord. He motioned Gilbert to do the same, and whispered, "thank you for this..."

Gilbert hugged Matthew from the side, nuzzling his shoulder. He was enjoying this a lot, just spending time with someone else felt really good, and he'd missed tender moments like these after him and Roderick had broken up.

Matthew snuggled Gilbert, and actually rested his head on Gilbert's chest. He loved cuddling. "you know..." He whispered, "I actually would like to do this for a living... Be a professional cuddler... It's a real profession... I really want to do it..."

"I think you'd be awesome at that," Gilbert replied. Matthew was adorable enough to be cuddleable, and he was so sweet, no one would be able to resist him!

Matthew cuddled close to Gilbert, and began to pet the albino's hair. "Your hair is really soft..." He whispered, wile gently cuddling Gilbert.

Gilbert smiled as Matthew gently stroked his hair. He hugged Matthew, nuzzling into his chest. "Yeah, you would definitely be the awesomest professional cuddler ever," Gilbert said, feeling more relaxed than he'd been in a while.

Matthew smiled and planted a kiss on top of Gilbert's head. "Your sweet..." He whispered. In all actually though, his hoodie was getting too hot. He was burning up! But he couldn't take his hoodie off for fear of showing the scars on his wrists.

Gilbert laughed and tilted his head up, kissing Matthew's chin. "You're sweeter," he replied. IN truth, Matthew probably was much sweeter than Gilbert ever could be.

Matthew sighed, and said, "you know, your reputation is a better kisser then you... The rumors don't miss the lips..." He leaned in and kissed Gilbert's lips, gently. Gilbert smiled as he kissed Matthew. He thought it was cute how Matthew always thought he was accidentally missing his lips when he was really just teasing.

Matthew broke the kiss and started cuddling Gilbert again. He rubbed Gilbert's chest gently with one hand, and nuzzled his white locks with his cheek.

Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew's waist, and pulled his very light form onto his lap. "Awww, Birdie, you're awesome," he said happily, nuzzling Matthew's chest.

Matthew snuggled Gilbert, and snuggled Gilbert sweetly. He began to rub Gilbert's head gently, lightly scratching the boy's scalp, and relaxing the muscles in Gilbert's head. Matthew kissed Gilbert's cheek, and nuzzled him.

Never before had Gilbert felt so loved. Matthew was so kind and sweet to him, and Gilbert felt as though nothing mattered but the small blonde cuddling with him. Gilbert had always said that he liked being alone, but in truth, he hated it more than anything. Now, he felt as though he'd never been alone, had never felt as though nobody was there for him. Now, Gilbert felt needed, not just like the waste of space he'd been with Roderick The Prussian couldn't stop smiling now, everything felt so perfect!

Matthew had never felt so alive. In truth, he sometimes forgot he even existed. everything felt like a movie in his life, and he was an extra in the background. That was why he cut, to feel alive, but now, for the first time in a long time, he didn't feel the need to cut. Gilbert made him feel alive, and wanted. he felt like the years he'd spent starving himself had worked, and someone had finally noticed him! Some one looked at him and saw Matthew, not Alfred. For this one shining moment, he wasn't in the background, he was a part of the picture.

Gilbert gave Matthew another kiss. He was so perfect, with big eyes and long wavy hair. He was small, which just added to how cute he was, and he was so sweet and kind. Plus, Matthew was full to the brim with surprises.

Matthew snuggled closer still to Gilbert, but began sweating in his over sized hoodie. his face was flushed, and his brow was damp with sweat. his movement became slow and sluggish, as he struggled against the heat.

"You look hot birdie. Like physically hot... But you're hot too," Gilbert said, fumbling with the words, because damn, Matthew was hot in two very different ways. He played with the bottom of Matthew's sweater, not wanting to seem like he was doing anything sexual.

Matthew panicked! His eyes went wide, and his heart raced even more, as he whispered franticly, "N-no! I-I'm fine!" The blond tried to pull his hoodie down more, but only pushed his right sleeve up, as it abandoned Gilbert's hair, and slid across the albino's shoulder.

"Whatever you say," Gilbert replied, turning his head. Almost immediately, he saw Matthew's arm, and before the blonde could do anything, Gilbert grabbed Matthew's hand, heart breaking as he saw Matthew's cuts. "Birdie, what are these?" He asked, worried, running his thumb over Matthew's arm.

Matthew felt tears in his eyes, as he tried to pull his arm away from Gilbert. "I... I Just..." Matthew couldn't bring himself to say that he wanted to feel alive. He just couldn't look at Gilbert's scarlet eyes, and confess that he felt so in invisible and worthless all the time. He just didn't think Gilbert would understand, or worse, that he would understand, and hate him for it. He didn't want to be alone again, but without Gilbert he could be isolated in a crowed elevator. Matthew broke down into all out sobs, as he could feel the pain he had caused Gilbert just by seeing the cuts, and Matthew felt disgusted with himself.

Gilbert hugged Matthew, and stroked his hair, trying not to cry. Matthew was so awesome and sweet and smart and beautiful, how could he do this to himself? Gilbert honestly had no idea what to say, all he knew was that knowing this broke his heart. He rubbed Matthew's back silently, wondering what had made Matthew hurt himself like this. "It's alright Birdie, let it out," Gilbert murmured, though he knew everything was far from alright.

Matthew hugged back, and sobbed into Gilbert's shoulder. His small body shook with the heavy sobs, and he choked a number of times on his own spit, coughing and sputtering like a fish out of water. He was glad that Gilbert had not left him, but he felt so guilty for causing him such pain.

Gilbert kissed Matthew's forehead. "It's alright. I'm here for you Birdie. I'm not leaving you, you're safe with me," Gilbert reassured him. After seeing the cuts, he started to fear that Matthew was suicidal. Gilbert didn't know what he'd do if Matthew committed suicide, Gilbert already had a feeling that he'd fallen in love with Matthew.

Matthew choked out, "Why? Why would you still be with someone as invisible as me?" He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and fanned his face with his hand, as he sat back looking at Gilbert. His tears were a little more under control, but he was still hiccuping slightly.

Hearing Matthew call himself invisible made Gilbert even sadder, so he tried to make Matthew smile again. "Don't you mean 'why wouldn't I want to be with someone as awesome as you?'" he replied, kissing the tears off of Matthew's cheeks. Gilbert didn't want to see Matthew cry, in fact, he didn't want to see Matthew do anything but smile.

Matthew sighed, and said with more tears falling, "If my life was a movie, I'd be an extra... I-I don't even feel alive anymore... I feel like a ghost, and... and... I just... Want to feel alive... I cry myself to sleep at night... I just can't cope anymore... So now I just bleed..."

"Matthew. Never ever say that about yourself. You are very important. Gott, you've made me stop moping about Roderich and move on. I'm really happy around you. It really hurts me to hear you say that stuff," Gilbert tried not to cry, but a few stray tears fell onto his cheeks, and he didn't even bother with brushing them away.

Matthew panicked, and put his hands over his mouth, as he saw the tears. He didn't want to keep it all bottled up any more, but now Gilbert was upset, and Matthew decided that he would have to hide from Gilbert too, despite him not wanting to. "I'm sorry..." He whispered.

"What do you mean you're sorry? All the assholes who forget about you and are mean to you should be sorry," Gilbert replied. He laid his head on Matthew's shoulder, hugging him. Gilbert couldn't believe that other people would be so mean to Matthew that he'd be driven to do this.


	6. Ignorance is Bliss

Matthew took a shuddering breath. He was still upset, but now he was really REALLY hot! Enflamed hot! "G-Gilbert... I-Is it hot in here to you?" He whispered, before quickly adding, "No innuendo implied..."

Gilbert shook his head. "Not for me. I think you should take your sweater off. I mean, I've seen... everything," Gilbert said, preparing himself for more cuts, which would break his heart even more. He kissed Matthew's cheek hugging him gently.

Matthew blushed in shame and shakily took his Hoodie off. Under his Hoodie was a purple tank top, that showed every rib, and his non-existent stomach. His arms were littered with scars, and cuts, old and new alike. His entire body was skin and bones. You could see the bones that made up his forearms, and his skin clung so tightly to his shoulder bones, that he almost did look like a skeleton. The visible portion of Matthew's chest showed that his collar bone, and breast bone stood out as prominently as his ribs. You could see his veins, and tendons so clearly, and prominently, he could be used to teach the cardiovascular system.

Now, Gilbert understood everything. He understood why Matthew looked so nervous when he asked him to go out to dinner. He understood Matthew's meager lunch, He even understood why the coffee had affected Matthew so much. Gilbert tried and failed to fight back tears as he cupped Matthew's chin in his hand and ran his thumb across Matthew's cheek. "B-birdie?" Gilbert stammered. He didn't have any words, just an overflowing fountain of tears. He was scared to hug Matthew, he looked ready to snap in two. Gilbert couldn't understand why Matthew let his body deteriorate so much. It broke Gilbert's heart even more that the cuts had.

Matthew's sobs became more prominent as Gilbert broke down. He gasped out, "I know... I'm hideous aren't I?" Matthew was still convinced that he was fat and ugly, and didn't feel like he could be convinced otherwise.

"N-no!" Gilbert was taken aback. Matthew didn't know how skinny he was, did he, or he wouldn't be acting like that. Matthew was beautiful, but he was so heartbreakingly thin. "Mattie, you don't see it, but you... you're really skinny. Like, you look really sick. Damn it, I'm really scared for you," He sighed, pulling Matthew's tiny form close to him and stroking his hair.

Matthew was confused. He still thought he had a long way to go, but that he was on the right track. He wasn't being confused for his fat, lazy brother, and that made him happy. He whispered timidly, "But... But it's finally working! Y-you noticed me!"

"No! It's not working. If you keep starving yourself... you- your heart's gonna give out. And you're gonna... you're gonna die," Gilbert said, breaking down in tears. He didn't want Matthew to die. He was so sweet and funny and everything anyone could ever want in a boyfriend. Just thinking about it made Gilbert cry even more than he had when Roderick had broken up with him.

Matthew curled up on himself and said, "But... I still..." He stopped talking, fearing Gilbert would get mad at him for mentioning his goals. Matthew looked around at the pictures all over his walls. All the people in the pictures were thin, photoshopped perfect. Matthew felt himself grow more disgusted, as he thought about how far he needed to go.

Gilbert saw Matthew looking at the pictured on his walls. They disgusted him, seeing all these people who Matthew aspired to be like. Gilbert stood up, and ripped the pictures of Matthew's walls, one by one. He crumpled them, and stuffed them into the pockets of his pants. "That's not what people look like. Even I don't look like that, no matter how hard I try," Gilbert said. He always tried to look like his younger brother, Ludwig, who was so neat and muscular, but malnourishment as a child had permanently damaged him. No matter how hard Gilbert worked, he was never as muscular and large as his brother. Now, seeing that Matthew tried so hard to be like photoshopped idiots disgusted him. "Matthew, you're perfect just the way you are. In fact, I think... no, I know, you really need to get some food in you. You're going to drop dead and shit, I won't know what to do," Gilbert sighed. He wiped a stray tear from his cheek and went back to sitting down on Matthew's bed, hugging his sweet little boyfriend.

Matthew began crying as Matthew ripped the pictures off of his walls. He curled in on himself and sobbed into his knees. He just didn't understand why Gilbert wanted him to be fat like his brother. Why did Gilbert want him to be more invisible? "W-why?" He asked, "Why do you want me to look like Alfred!?"

"No, Mattie, all I want is for you to be healthy and happy. I don't want you to be constantly comparing yourself to some photoshopped idiot. You're beautiful just the way you are. If I hadn't thought you were beautiful, I would have backed out of Francis' dare and let him tel everyone I'm a virgin. I'm really glad I didn't back out. If I hadn't, I'd never have even talked to someone as amazing as you," Gilbert sat back down next to Matthew, and gently rubbed his back, trying not to cry when he could feel every single bone under his hand.

Matthew shook with the weight of his sobs, as he choked, "I-I could have been happy, but it's too late. Why does everyone look so damn perfect, and why can't I be like them? Why can't I be noticed by someone without losing more weight? Everyone who's ever even looked at me as me, has looked after I started this... Even Kat ignored me before I started losing the weight..."

"You do look perfect. You're absolutely beautiful," Gilbert murmured. He didn't understand why Matthew saw himself that way, when he was the most stunning individual on this Earth. When he smiled, it was as if time itself stopped, and Gilbert so desperately wanted to see Matthew's porcelain face light up with a cheerful smile again. Gilbert stroked Matthew's short hair, kissing the top of his head.

Matthew began to feel sick, as his disgust for himself, and disbelief of Gilbert grew. "Gilbert... I'm going to be sick..." He warned. Gilbert grabbed a trash can and planted it by the bed. He rubbed Matthew's back, cooing softly to him. He didn't like to see Matthew this way. He was too beautiful.

Matthew gagged and began to vomit. The contents of his stomach only included the coffee, maple syrup, and his own bile. The syrup stuck to his throat, causing him to choke. His body shook with the force of each retch.

"It's okay Mattie, you're okay. Just let it out, you're okay," Gilbert soothed. He ran a hand through Matthew's long hair and pulled it out of his face. Gilbert felt like this was his fault, making Matthew sick like this, and he'd do anything to make Matthew feel better.

Matthew didn't have a lot of things in his stomach to throw up, and was simply dry heaving after a wile. He finally stopped, and sat up, trembling in Gilbert's arms. He cuddled close to Gilbert, and soaked up all the comfort he could. Usually when Matthew was sick, he was alone, and left to deal with it by himself.

"Are you feeling better now?" Gilbert asked. He rubbed Matthew's back and hugged him, kissing the top of his head. Gilbert nuzzled closer to Matthew, never wanting to let go of him. "You poor thing, it's alright," Gilbert whispered. Nobody really saw this affectionate side of him, he was usually rowdy and loud and everything other than quiet, but Matthew brought that part of him out.

Matthew cuddled close to Gilbert, and curled up in his boyfriend's lap. He heard Alfred's gaming system turn off down stairs, and what sounded like Kiku leaving, before he heard his mother's car pull up. "M-Mom's home..." He said shakily.

"Does that mean I have to go?" Gilbert asked. He knew that moms often heard rumors, so moms did NOT like him at all. After all, who would want their kid spending time with a gay delinquent who smokes everything in sight? Gilbert hadn't had many friends in elementary school or middle, because the kids' moms simply didn't like him. Gilbert was worried that Matthew's mom would be unhappy with their relationship, and force them to break up.

Matthew shook his head, and stood up. "I-I'll introduce you..." He said, before pulling his hoodie back on, and pulling Gilbert towards the door.

Gilbert hoped that Matthew's mother would be alright with him. He glanced nervously at Matthew, squeezing his hand. Gilbert wondered in Matthew's family knew about him cutting himself and being so thin. If they did, they weren't doing a good job of helping Matthew.

Matthew warned, "Gilbert... My mother is very sick... She may look kind of weird, but she's quite beautiful on the inside... She'll love you, I promise! She loves everyone!" With that Matthew led Gilbert down stairs and into the living room.

Matthew's mother was sitting on the sofa with Alfred, stroking the younger twin's golden hair. At one time the Cree woman had been very attractive, and small remnants of her beauty still lingered, but now she was sickly, and frail. Her skin clung to her tightly, causing every vain and tendon to bulge out. At one time she had silky raven locks, but now there was nothing but smooth skin atop her head, her hair having fallen out many months ago. Though her eyes were still a beautiful hazel, and they lit up upon seeing her other son, and his guest.

Matthew smiled at his Mother, and walked over to her, with a happy, "Hi, Mom..." The woman hugged her other son, and looked at Gilbert. She waved at Him and horsely said, "Hello..." She smiled and waved Gilbert over, with a choked, "Come on! I won't bite, unless you do..."

Gilbert was very surprised at how frail Matthew's mother was. However, he could still see that she was beautiful in her own way. Gilbert also barely saw the resemblance between her and Matthew. He didn't mind though, it was nice that she hadn't shooed him away for who he was. "Hello Mrs. Williams, I'm Gilbert. Uh... a friend of Matthew's," he wasn't sure how to introduce himself, as saying that he was Matthew's boyfriend might not be the best idea. He walked over to her and held out a hand for her to shake.

Matthew smiled as his mother shook Gilbert's hand, and pulled the boy close to stare into his red eyes deeply. "He has a good soul..." She stated, "A bit tainted, and misunderstood, but good none the less..." She added in a whisper, "And he's handsome too!" Matthew blushed, and attempted to turn into a human turtle inside his hoodie, but failed.

Gilbert smiled. He was happy that Matthew's mom wasn't unhappy with his presence, although her words startled Gilbert a bit. She seemed like a mystical fantasy creature, like one of those palm readers or something. But instead of giving Gilvert some phony fortune to get his money, she'd seen right into him.

Alfred snorted a laugh, and said, "Ma, you're scaring him!" The Cree woman rolled her eyes, and said, "I'm Akahana by the way... None of that Mrs. Williams nonsense... I hear that name and I start looking for my mother-in-law..."

Gilbert laughed a bit. Matthew's mother had a beautiful name, it was exotic and matched her. "Alright, Mrs. Akahana," he said. Gilbert still felt as though he needed to be formal, as he was with any other adult. He'd been brought up to give the utmost respect to anyone older than him, which included his boyfriend's mother.

Akahana gave a small, tired laugh, and said, "I'd invite you to stay for dinner, but I was going to tell the boys to fend for themselves tonight... I don't feel like cooking..." Matthew smiled but looked at Gilbert with a small pleading in his eyes not to tell his mother he was anorexic. He didn't want to go back to the hospital.

Gilbert nodded. "I think I've got to get going anyway, my brother probably wants me home for dinner, first day of school and all," he said. In truth, he had to be home befor ehis brother went to sleep. Ludwig would keep an eye on him, and make sure that he didn't slip back into old habits and spend all evening smoking weed on their balcony. That summer, the apartment's manager had threatened to kick them out unless Gilbert stopped with his marijuana inside the apartment's boundaries. Ludwig had to make sure that Gilbert didn't sit around and smoke, because their father would be really angry if they were kicked out of the apartment.

Matthew looked sad, and said, "I wish you could stay..." Akahana rubbed her son's back comfortingly. Alfred said, "Hey Gilbert... I just wanted to say... I'm sorry... About earlier... I was being a jerk..."

Gilbert raised his eyebrows at Alfred. He didn't believe him at all, but what could he do? Gilbert looked at the time on his phone, and he frowned, knowing that he needed to go. He wanted to give Matthew a kiss goodbye, but that didn't seem possible. "Hey, Bir-I mean Matthew, come walk me to the door?" He asked hoping they'd get a moment or two alone. Gilbert blushed when he almost said Matthew's cute nickname, but he hoped that nobody would notice.

Matthew Nodded, and stood up to walk Gilbert to the door. He blushed like a tomato, when his mother winked at him slyly. He walked Gilbert out the door and said, "Well... Mom likes you... and saw right through the 'two totally strait guys' act... I think she figured out we're dating..."

Gilbert chuckled, and put one hand on Matthew's hip and the other on his chin. "Then I guess that means I can do this," he murmured, leaning in to give Matthew a gentle kiss. Matthew kissed back, and ran his fingers through Gilbert's hair. He got that feeling again that he and Gilbert were the only ones in on earth. Gilbert could make Matthew feel like the only boy in the world. At that moment, Matthew mattered more than anything to Gilbert. Gilbert moved his hand from Matthew's hip to squeeze his hand, continuing the kiss. Gilbert had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, he'd fallen in love...

Matthew gently broke the kiss, and pulled Gilbert into a gentle hug. He inhaled Gilbert's sent and smiled happily. He felt like in only a few hours he had grown to love Gilbert.

Gilbert smiled, but then his phone buzzed. He pulled away from the hug, seeing a text from Ludwig. "I've gotta go. Just... stay safe, please don't hurt yourself, and please try to eat your dinner," Gilbert kissed Matthew's cheek and gave his hand one last squeeze. "I'll see you in front of the school tomorrow, and maybe we can go on another date," he said happily. Gilbert was already counting down the minutes until school the next day, and he hadn't even left Matthew's house!

Matthew smiled at Gilbert but made no promise of food. "I'll wait for you tomorrow..." He said, before pecking Gilbert's cheek one last time.

Gilbert ruffled Matthew's hair and left, waving until he couldn't see his boyfriend anymore. Then, he started on the long walk home. Around six-thirty, Gilbert got back to his apartment, went up the elevator to the ninth floor, and opened the door with his card. The minute he got inside, Ludwig was standing in front of him, tapping his foot against the floor. "Pockets," he said simply, and Gilbert sighed. Antonio had given him a few joints, but he'd hid them in his backpack. Ludwig held out his hands, waiting for Gilbert. The albino shoved his hands into his pockets, first pulling out his phone, which he stashed on the kitchen table, then a pack of cigarettes, which made their way to Ludwig's hands. Gilbert huffed as he shoved his hands in his front pockets, feeling a pang of sadness when he felt all the crumpled pictures that he'd torn off Matthew's walls. He clenched his fists around the crumpled papers, shoving them into Ludwig's hands. The blonde was surprised, since he usually ended up with some sort of drug or pipe, not a pile of crumpled pictures. They seemed to have made Gilbert angry though, as he stormed into his room. The albino found a pipe and bag of weed. He put them in his backpack, which was slung across his shoulder, and walked out to their balcony. The elder brother knew that Ludwig could open the door anytime he wanted, as it didn't lock from the outside, but he had a feeling that Ludwig would respect his privacy. Gilbert sat down in the hammock that had been put out on the balcony, and lit up his pipe. All he needed was to get stoned into oblivion, and he wouldn't keep seeing Matthew's bony form and cut arms.

Matthew walked back inside and went upstairs to his room. His walls felt bare without his pictures, and Matthew felt empty. He wanted to cut, so badly, but he kept thinking of the look on Gilbert's face when he saw the cuts and couldn't.

Matthew heard his father's truck pull into the drive way, and sighed heavily. He took a small camping lamp off his bedside table, and turned off all the lights in his room. He heard his brother run up the stairs to do the same, before the sound of the front door could be heard slamming open. Matthew's father was drunk again. Matthew could tell by the slurred yelling he directed at Akahana. Matthew hated it when his parents fought, but it was becoming all too common. Above the screaming from down stairs, he heard a small knock at his door. Matthew cracked it open and let his twin into his room.

Alfred pulled Matthew into the closet, where a small blanket made a tent, just big enough for the pair. This was their safe haven. When they needed to feel safe, and secure, the two would go into their haven, and sit for hours, waiting for the storm to die down, both metaphorically and literally. Matthew and Alfred stayed in their little haven, whispering to each other all night, simply weathering the storm that was their father, and preparing for the war that was high school.

Ludwig was familiar with his brother acting like this. Anytime something bothered Gilbert, he'd refuse to talk to anyone, he'd just get high and drown everything out. Ludwig decided that he was done with this, he didn't want his brother to keep shutting him out. Ludwig kissed Feliciano and told him that he could go watch TV or something, and opened the screen door.

"Fuck off. I don't wanna talk with people," Gilbert blew a smoke ring into the air, laying back into the hammock. Ludwig coughed, waving away the thick smoke.

"Gilbert, you need to stop this. It's not healthy, it's not legal, you haven't spoken to me all summer without storming off. Please, just tell me what happened," Ludwig sighed, leaning against the balcony's wall. He didn't understand why Gilbert kept getting himself into these situations, and didn't care about getting out of them. It was sad for Ludwig, seeing his elder brother's slow decline. He wasn't loud anymore, he didn't go out and party. All he'd done the past four months was mope about how much he'd loved Roderich, but now, Ludwig didn't understand what had set Gilbert off so much. Gilbert, however, turned away from his brother, taking another inhale of marijuana.

"Fuck off. I just wanna get stoned, not your problem," Gilbert proceeded to call his brother something very rude, and curl in on himself. No matter how hard he tried, Gilbert couldn't get the images of Matthew out of his mind. Gilbert didn't notice, but he was crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Ludwig noticed this, and also got in the hammock, wiping the tears off of Gilbert's cheeks. He hated when Gilbert cried, it was so unusual.  
"Please, Gil, just talk to me. I'll... I'll do your chores tomorrow," Ludwig didn't usually stoop to that level, but he needed to know what was going on. Gilbert squeezed his eyes shut, then let himself blow up at Ludwig.

"Matthew's really nice and awesome and everything, but then we went to his house, and he took off his sweater. And I don't know why, but he's really skinny he just looks like a few sticks and he cuts himself, it's really awful. I don't know what to do, I just want to yell at him and tell him that he's gonna die if he staysthis way, I don't get it, he doesn't listen to me!" Gilbert buried his face in the hammock's rough fabric, trying to hide how much he was crying. Ludwig sighed sadly and put a hand on his brother's shoulder. He'd seen his brother really sad before, but not like this. Gilbert was genuinely worried about someone, and it made Ludwig just a bit scared. This thing with his boyfriend must have been really bad if he was reduced to tears from it. Ludwig was about to give Gilbert some advice, when Feliciano burst outside.

"I was getting really lonely, and American Idol is on and we should go wa-" Feliciano stopped tugging on Ludwig's arm when he saw Gilbert. His face fell, and he ran and hugged Gilbert.

"Fuck off, all of you. I'm going to bed," Gilbert pushed Feliciano off and picked up his things, going into his room and shutting the door. Instead of falling asleep, however, Gilbert laid awake on his bed, thinking about everything that had happened that day.

Matthew found himself petting his brother's hair, and singing him to sleep. Matthew sang to drown out the yelling, and keep their haven safe. Alfred loved Disney songs, and that was the main thing Matthew sang to the boy. Tonight he chose "Feed the Birds" from Marry Poppins, as he wished greatly for Alfred to display his true kindness.

 _"Early each day, to the steps of St. Paul's_  
 _The little old bird woman comes_  
 _in her own special way, to the people she calls_  
 _come buy my bags full of crumbs"_

And the Birds reminded Matthew of himself anyways. Matthew stroked Alfred's hair, and tried to drown out the yelling from down stairs.

 _"Feed the birds_  
 _tuppence a bag_  
 _tuppence_  
 _tuppence_  
 _tuppence a bag_  
 _feed the birds, that's what she cries_  
 _wile overhead, her birds fill the sky"_

Matthew got louder, as the yelling down stairs grew. Matthew's soprano voice, shielded the brothers from the fighting like a blanket protects three year olds from monsters.

 _"All around the cathedral, the saints and apostles_  
 _watch as she sells her wears_  
 _although you can't see them, you know they are smiling_  
 _each time someone shows he cares"_

Matthew saw his own tears fall on the floor, and onto Alfred, as the yelling grew, and the older twin felt another piece of himself die. He looked at his brother, who was so much stronger then Matthew, because of Matthew being Alfred's rock during times like these. Matthew was Alfred's big brother, and nothing could change the love Matthew felt for his baby brother. Matthew let himself be broken beyond all repair by his parents, because he could never let Alfred become as broken as he was. He could never let Alfred think it was his fault, because Matthew believed it was entirely his own fault.

 _"Though her words are simple and few_  
 _listen_  
 _listen_  
 _She's calling to you_  
 _Feed the birds_  
 _tuppence a bag_  
 _tuppence_  
 _tuppence_  
 _tuppence a bag"_

Matthew cried himself to sleep after that, as his twin slept in his lap, blissfully unaware of how broken, and sick his older brother really was.

Gilbert couldn't sleep. He tried everything, and finally got up, walking into the dark kitchen. He got a bottle of beer, taking off the cap, and downing it. He downed another and another and another, until he stumbled back to bed, falling asleep on top of the covers. He didn't feel sad anymore, now he just felt nothing.


	7. Just One Mistake is All it Takes

When Gilbert's alarm went off he felt like someone was pounding his head with a mallet. Hissing with pain, Gilbert slapped his hands over his ears, needing to transport himself away from the pain. "Gilbert! Wake up!" Ludwig knocked loudly on his door, but Gilbert didn't listen. He already had a notorious record for being absent, so another day of absence wouldn't do much. Gilbert went back to sleep, not waking up until around lunchtime.

Matthew woke up at dawn, and the morning found him sitting on the roof of his house watching the sun rise, and Kuma roil around in the morning dew. Matthew decided to get to school early, so he left before anyone was up. Matthew waited for Gilbert, and even skipped his whole first class, but Gilbert never showed. Matthew texted Gilbert all through his other classes, only to have his texts ignored. Matthew felt completely abandoned, invisible, and worthless. He was sick of this pain, and he wanted it to end. He didn't care that he was at school. He didn't care that Alfred might find him. Matthew went to his classes up until lunch. After the bell rang for lunch to end, Matthew locked himself in the boys bathroom, and pulled out his phone. He wrote a message to everyone who would care, both on E-mail, and text.

 ** _"To whom it may concern,_**  
 ** _I'm so done! I can't do it anymore! I'm just not strong enough to take it. Just when I thought I'd found someone who could love and accept me for who I was, I was tossed aside, and ignored again. I'm tired of being invisible! If you're all going to treat me like I'm not here then you won't miss me when I'm gone._**

 ** _Alfred, I'm sorry I can't be your rock anymore. And I'm sorry you had to put up with an emo faggot for a brother._**

 ** _Kat, I hope you can get Your surgery. Thank you for being the only truly loyal friend I've ever had._**

 ** _Elizavetha, I hope Rodrick treats you right. Promise me you'll clobber him for me if he doesn't._**

 ** _Felincio, thanks for always remembering to smile at me, even when you forgot who I was. Keep it up! The world needs more people like you._**

 ** _Mom, I love you, and I'm sorry for putting you through this._**

 ** _Dad, If I go to Hell, I'm going to crawl up and drag you with me, you drunk jerk! How dare you treat my_**

 ** _mother that way!_**

 ** _And finally, Gilbert... What did I do wrong? You seamed so heart broken when you saw the cuts, but what did I do? Was It the pictures on the wall, or the scars on my flesh? How can you treat me like I'm the only person alive, yesterday, and pretend I don't exist today? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Was I just too weird? Was it my brother's mouth? Was It my Mother's cancer? Was it my Anorexia? Was It my depression? Or was it Just all to much for you? Because I understand if it was! I understand... It's all my fault... But Don't worry, because I'm going to fix it... I promise I'm going to fix it..."_**

Matthew sent the messages to all of his contacts, and took the small blade out of his back pack. It was part of a broken pencil sharpener, and had been used for similar reasons before. Matthew took his oversized hoodie off, and dug the blade deep into his left wrist, until blood was pouring out of the wound, and he felt a bit dizzy. Matthew then repeated the process on his other wrist. The cuts were deep, and Matthew was bleeding heavily. Blood pooled around him, as Matthew blacked out with a smile on his face.

Gilbert was in the middle of packing his backpack, wanting to be there for Matthew at least during their last shared class. When he saw Matthew's text, Gilbert got even more worried. It looked as though Matthew had made his final goodbyes, or at least attempted them. "Fuck the DUI," Gilbert hissed. He grabbed his car keys, whichhad been rotting on the hook by the door for a while. Gilbert ran to the garage, panicking as he keyed himself in, then got into his jeep. Recklessly, he drove out to school, nearly crashing into another car. He ran inside, searching every room for Matthew, until he found the ominous pool of blood in the bathroom. He tried to get into the stall, but it was locked. "Dammit Matthew," he hissed, tears of frustration falling onto his cheeks. He eventually pulled out his phone, calling Francis. "Boys bathroom, second floor, now," Gilbert couldn't say much more, just repeatedly slam himself into the door, attempting to get to Matthew. Francis came upstairs, absolutely horrified. He made Antonio get the nurse, while Gilbert sobbed into his friend's shoulder. He knew that this was all his fault, he'd killed his boyfriend.

Alfred had followed Francis into the bathroom, and told everyone to stand back, as he forcibly kicked the stall door in. Alfred ran to his brother, and tearfully checked for the smallest glimmer of a pulse. Alfred's eyes widened and he attempted to stop the blood, wile yelling, "He's still alive! He's still alive!"

Matthew, could faintly hear voices in his dark haze, Alfred and Gilbert's being the main ones, and he found it hard to give up completely on life.

Gilbert wiped the tears away from his eyes. Nearly all of the people in his grade were there, and he couldn't let them see him cry. Gilbert hugged Alfred tightly, burying his face in the other's chest both in thanks and to hide his tears. Antonio ran in with the nurse, then went to stand with Francis, who was shocked at what his cousin had done.

Alfred hugged Gilbert, and let the nurse take over. He was sobbing along with Gilbert, as his big brother was pulled out of the bathroom, and the ambulance pulled up to the school. Arthur pulled Gilbert out of the bathroom slowly, following his brother to the ambulance. He whispered to Arthur to make a list of all the people who made fun of Gilbert for crying, or his brother's suicide attempt, for him to beat up later. Alfred led Gilbert onto the ambulance with Matthew, explaining that they were Matthew's brother and boyfriend.

Gilbert wanted to kiss Alfred right now, he was so awesome. "Oh my god, Alfred, I'm so sorry for not liking you. Fuck... you just saved your brother's life, you're... you're awesome," Gilbert's voice was slightly hoarse, but he didn't care. The German held toghtly onto Arthur, repeatedly thanking him. Gilbert felt so bad though, as if all of this was his fault.

Alfred sat Gilbert down in one of the ambulance's chairs, and watched the paramedics work to save his brother's life. Alfred sat next to Gilbert as the ambulance sped away. Alfred put his arm around Gilbert, and held the boy close, when his phone vibrated. Alfred took a deep breath and replied, calmly. not bothering to hide his phone from Gilbert, as he might as well know what people are saying about him already.

 _ **Arthur: Rodrick Elderstine has been calling your brother a whore sense you left. Your so called friend, Yoa just called Gilbert an emotional homo, who can't cope with losing his little slut. I'll let you deal with them.**_

 _ **Alfred: Yoa's not my friend, he's a dead man! He's going in the ground right after Elderstine!**_

Gilbert sighed sadly, averting his gaze from Alfred's phone. "This is my fault," he mumbled, wiping away tears with the palm of his hand. Gilbert was convinced that if he'd just gone to school, despite the hangover, Matthew would still be okay.

Alfred shook his head, and choked, "He sang to me just last night... I fell asleep in his lap... We thought he was getting better... He'd been eating with us for a wile... Science he got out of the hospital, he'd been happier, and we thought he was getting better... God, how could I be so blind! I'm losing my Brother because I didn't want to see the signs! I wanted to see improvement, so that was all I saw! I let this happen, not you..."

Gilbert sighed, shaking his head. "No. I told him I'd see him at school, then I got drunk last night and I woke up with a shitty hangover. I should've just gone to school, damnit," Gilbert hugged Alfred, sobbing into his shoulder. He felt so awful about what he'd done, all Gilbert wanted was to see Matthew smile again, he was so beautiful when he did.

Alfred hugged Gilbert, and said, "I guess we're all a little bit to blame..." The ambulance stopped, and Matthew was wheeled out into the hospital. Alfred pulled Gilbert into the hospital, as a doctor directed them to the waiting room.

When Gilbert got to the waiting room, he sat down in a plastic chair, sighing. "I need a smoke," he muttered, tossing his backpack down and walking to the hospital's smoking deck, where he lit up, wiping back tears as he blankly stared over the city. He checked his phone, which was filled with texts, some angry and some sympathetic. Francis told him that Antonio had tried to beat up Roderich, and he got in trouble. Normally, Gilbert would have been cheering Antonio on, but he just wasn't feeling it.

Alfred called his mother, and stayed in the waiting room. He was covered in Matthew's blood, and still trying to compose himself. His phone was blowing up with cruel messages, and he decided to check online too. He logged on to the racy social media cite he was on, and looked for anything retaining to his brother. He found message after message, and comment after comment, calling Matthew a filthy whore. Many people apparently assumed Matthew tried to kill himself because Gilbert paid him for sex, and gave him HIV. Someone even went as far as to lie and say that Matthew was his sex slave for a whole night for ten dollars. Alfred became furious, and put on the cite, "Did you bastards even know Matthew existed until today!? He's not a filthy whore, he's a human being, and he's my big brother! If you've got something to say, say it to me! Say it to my face if your brave enough! We'll se what happens!"

Alfred put his phone up and wiped the tears off his eyes. He went onto the smoking balcony, for a change in atmosphere. "I'm 120% done with humans! I would kill to be a butterfly right now... They don't have to deal with bitches always wantin' to start shit..."

Gilbert looked over at Alfred, sighing. He took the cigarette from between his lips, blowing out a puff of smoke. "Fuck, that's probably why Matthew did... what he... did," Gilbert looked up at Alfred, leaning against the balcony's railing. At this point, he didn't care how much he was crying, since he had good reason to.

Alfred hated to ask, but did anyways, "Gilbert... Are you really the slut everyone says you are?" Alfred had tried to think of a nicer way of asking, but decided to just be strait forward. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with getting laid, but... God, I've heard some crazy shit... Someone told me you were addicted to sex, and some have told me you run a prostitution ring, of which you're also the main costumer... I don't really believe it, but I'd like to know... If Mattie pulls through..." Alfred took a deep breath and forced himself to say, "When Mattie pulls through... I want to know what kind of person you really are..."

Gilbert raised his eyebrows. Was that why Alfred hated him so much? "N-no, that's about as far from the truth as you can get!" Gilbert laughed slightly, frowning sadly. "Nah, it might be hard to believe, but I'm a virgin. Like, really. It's not a religion thing or some shit like that but... well... I want to wait until I at least really love someone, or I'm married," Gilbert sighed. He'd always remember what Francis had told him, that sex wasn't even close to good if you didn't love the person you did it with. Francis' first time was with some Ukranian girl, and he went on to fuck nearly everyone in the school.

Alfred was shocked, and angry at the liars in the school. "There saying you gave him HIV... The dumb asses at school..." Alfred said, with tears roiling down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes and moved his glasses to the top of his head, just barely on his head like they always were.

Gilbert blushed angrily. It was true that both him and his brother were HIV positive ((surprise!)), but that was because it had been passed to them during childbirth by their mother. Her HIV had also been part of the reason for her death. Gilbert was angrier bow, because if someone actually had proof that he was HIV positive, then both him and his brother would be outcasts.

Alfred choked out a small sob. He knew Mathew had HIV, and knew a few of Matthew's friends knew too, and that was probably where the rumour spawned from. Matthew had been raped as a child by one of the twins' baby sitters, who was HIV positive. If word got around school that his brother actually had the STD then everyone would just assume they were right, and Gilbert gave it to him. Alfred tried to think of who would tell everyone about Matthew having HIV, and could only think of one way the story got leaked, Elizavetha and her big mouthed boyfriend. Alfred let his glasses fall back onto his face, as he angrily punched the guardrail, denting it slightly. "I'm going to murder Rodrick Elderstine! Gilbert, if I go to jail tonight, do you promise to help pay my bail!? Because I'm about to be booked for murder, accessory to murder, attempted murder, assault, man-saluter, gun shot wounds to the chest, and welding a gun with a suspended license!"

Gilbert smiled slightly. "You'll have to go elsewhere for bail money, I'm cutting that little shit's heart out... oh wait, he doesn't have one," Gilbert knew he sounded stupid, but he didn't give a shit. He hated Roderich so much. After spending three years with him, Gilbert still felt betrayed, even more so now. He'd always imagined settling down with Roderick, having a life with him, but now he hated him. Gilbert stamped out his cigarette, searching through his backpack for a vape pen or a joint. It wasn't legal, but Gilbert needed it. He eventually found a nice vape pen stashed inside one of his binders, and took a deep inhale of smoke, blowing out smoke rings to pass the time.

Alfred had dated Elizavetha for a short time and knew how much mindless ranting the woman did. Alfred pulled a package of M&Ms out of his bag and began mindlessly eating, and ranting, "I know Liz doesn't think when she rants, but you'd think stuff like that wouldn't get passed on to anyone... And to Rodrick... The jerk's still jealous Matthew beat him at their music competition 3 years in a row..."

Gilbert sighed sadly, trying not to cry just at the mention if Roderich's name. "I really loved him... Roderich, I mean. I thought we would get married after the army, and we'd adopt some kids, have a family. I didn't see him for who he was, and now I do, but... but for some reason I still miss him. I want the old Roderich back," Gilbert sobbed, his fists turning white from how tightly he was clutching the vape pen.

Alfred sniffed and said, "He's always been a jerk to Mattie... And Elizavetha must have let even more personal information slip... he's been talking shit about Mattie sense he started dating Liz... And Mattie and I can't say anything, because most of it is true..." Alfred's voice had gained a hopeless tone to it, like he had given up.

"Just fuck all of this shit. I didn't expect senior year to be like this. I just thought 'date some guys here, prank some guys there' we'd all be fine," Gilbert blew out more smoke rings, just wishing he could disappear under the thick gray substance. "Do ya think Mattie's gonna be okay?" Gilbert asked, wiping away more tears.

Alfred shrugged and said, "When has he ever been okay?" Alfred looked at his letter gloves stained with Matthew's blood and sighed. "He hasn't been way for a long time Gilbert..." Alfred looked at Gilbert and saw him covered in Matthew's blood as well, but with far less protection then Alfred, with his grandfather's bomber jacket, and letter gloves. Alfred grew worried that Gilbert may contract HIV from the blood. "H-Hey Gilbert... Um... I don't know how to tell you this, but... Do you have any open sores, or cuts on you? Anywhere that's come in contact with Matthew's blood, that may be exposed to your own?"

"Huh? No," Gilbert said, looking at him weirdly. "Why?" Gilbert thought for a second that Alfred had found out the truth and was worried that Gilbert had given his brother HIV somehow, but that didn't fit with his wording.

Alfred sighed in relif, and looked around the empty balcony nervously. He didn't want to tell Gilbert and make him want to break up with Matthew, but he knew it wasn't right to let him live in ignorance. He closed the sliding door and said, "Gilbert... what I'm about to tell you is for your own safety... It does not leave this Balcony!" Alfred took a deep breath, and slowly said, "When Matthew and I were 7 years old, we had a baby sitter... He was a strong, 18 year old boy, who got along great with us... We never misbehaved, he never had to put us on the 'no sit list,' and he was a lot of fun..." Alfred blinked a few stray tears out of his eyes, and continued, "Matthew has always been, believe it or not, the rebellious son... He refused to speak English around our sitter, and he got tired of it one day, and took Matthew into mom and dad's bedroom for a wile... They were in there for a long time... Matthew stopped talking at all after that... He woke up screaming in the middle of the night, ran away from home once when he heard we were going to need our baby sitter... Every time that boy came over, he would spend hours with my brother... alone..." Alfred was shaking and holding onto the guard rail, as he went on, "One night at dinner I asked him about it and my parents got worried, but didn't think much of it until Matthew caught a cold that wouldn't go away..." Tears began to roil of Alfred's cheeks, but he went on, "We took him to the hospital, and that's when we figured out what our baby sitter was doing to my big brother..." Alfred choked, and whispered, "Because that was when they diagnosed him with HIV..."

"Oh my god," Gilbert murmured. He hugged Alfred, blinking back tears. He didn't expect that, of all things. "The only good thing is that he can't give it to me. My mom had it, and she gave it to me when she gave birth. My brother ended up that way... and," Gilbert felt a stray tear slip down his cheek. He always got like this if he talked about his mother, he missed her so much. "After she had him, she... she got sick in the hospital. Her HIV killed her," Gilbert looked away, he didn't want anyone to see him cry. Gilbert never really told people that. Only three people knew he had it: his dad, Ludwig, and now Alfred. Of course, Feliciano knew that Ludwig had it, but not Gilbert.

Alfred wiped his eyes, and returned the hug when it was due. is eyes widened as Gilbert told him about him being HIV positive like his brother. Alfred sighed, and said, "I'm so sorry, Gilbert... I had no idea..." Alfred chuckled bitterly at the irony of the ass wipes at school actually getting part of the story right. Both of the people involved did have HIV, but nether of them had ever even had willing sex with anyone, and defiantly didn't give it to each other.


	8. Hell on Earth

"Ya know, I don't blame Matthew for... for... what he did. This world is just so fucking cruel to perfectly good people," Gilbert was, of course, talking about Matthew being perfectly good, though he didn't know that as he spoke, Ludwig was in the parking lot of the school, trying to stop people from destroying both of their cars, and Feliciano's. Somehow, the truth about the HIV thing got out, and Ludwig was the one suffering. He'd gone outside to see that someone had slashed the tires of all three cars, and people were throwing rocks at the vehicles, smashing windows and denting the cars. News vans and police cars were everywhere, it was basically a riot.

That was when Alfred's phone rang, and he answered it to hear a panicked Arthur on the other line. "Alfred it's a mad house! It's a Fucking riot!"

"What!?" Alfred said putting the phone on speaker to hear Arthur better.

The Brit swallowed and said, "Roderick Elderstine, and some others told the entire school that Matthew, Gilbert, and his brother had HIV! They've taken a lot of their anger out on the cars, but now they're going after Gilbert's brother and his boyfriend! And let's not forget the bloody frog, and Spaniard, and their currant lovers! Professor Vergas took all of them to the basement, but they can't hide forever! They'll find thim eventually! Someone's got to get them out of here before someone get's killed! The bloody police are already here, for God's sake!"

Alfred's eyes widened, and new tears formed. He couldn't understand how someone who needed love so badly that they would die for it, could spawn so much hate, from one wrong move, and two deep cuts.

Gilbert blanched, clutching onto the balcony's railing. "L-ludwig? Feli?" He stammered, replaying Arthur's words in his mind. Ludwig had been through enough already in his life, the last thing he needed was more problems. "Oh gott, tell me they're okay. And Francis and Toni? F-fuck!" Gilbert whipped out his phone, repeatedly texting his two best friends. The minute that Francis texted him a video, which had been shared on snapchat by none other than Roderick of his car being ruined, Gilbert broke down. He'd spent his life savings on the black jeep, having wanted it since he was a tiny kid. Everything was going shittily, and it was all Roderick's fault.

Alfred took a deep breath, and steeled himself. Alfred always joked about being the 'hero,' but he had rarely put it into practice. The fact was, he was strong, fast, and, when he wanted to be, intelligent. All the qualities of a hero. he nodded to himself, and took Gilbert by the arm. He dragged the boy into the men's room, and proceeded to scrub Matthew's blood off the pair as much as he could. "Take off your shirt!" He commanded, the white tank top being to hard to clean. Alfred, called to his phone, "Arthur! Are you still there?"

Arthur's voice seemed to get the idea, and sounded much more confident now, "I'm here!"

Alfred nodded, and called, "I want you to get in the basement with the others! You'll be next if you don't! Contact your older brother Alistair! I know he's in town, and has a large vehicle. Tell him to come to Liberty Hospital! That is One, Six, Seven, Liberty Street! L-I-B-E-R-T-Y Street! Got that!?"

Arthur gave a slightly mocking, but mostly confident (and maybe a little bit turned on), "Sir, Yes sir..."

Alfred, cleansed himself of his brother's blood, and continued, "Tell him this is an emergency, and to get here as fast as he can! We don't have much time for you to explain, but tell him about Matthew, and Elderstine... He should know that much... Am I fully understood, or do I need to repeat my instructions?"

Arthur said, "I got the jest of it... I'll talk to you soon..."

Alfred hung up his phone, and looked at Gilbert. "We're going to get your brother," He stated, calmly.

Gilbert grinned, feeling a little bit of his spark return. He almost laughed when he saw himself in the mirror, looking so much unlike how he felt. He was completely bare chested, the wings of the eagle on his shoulder regally splayed across his chest and back. Right above his pants was a small tattoo, of a royal scepter crossed with an AK-47. Gilbert got some water on his hands and smoothed back his hair, so the wild white strands were tucked away from his bright crimson eyes. "Let's do this," Gilbert said. He knew that he'd be going back to the school, and he wasn't going to leave until Roderich paid for what he'd done.

Alfred zipped up his bomber jacket, and pulled up his gloves. Alfred was glad that he had brought his sports bag, as he was on the baseball team. He pulled out his bat, and tested it in his hands. Alfred wasn't afraid to embrace his dark side. "Now we wait for the signal..." He said, while Gilbert punched his fist into his palm, forming a plan in his mind. He'd make sure that Roderick understood his boundaries. The German texted Francis, telling him that they were coming back for them.

Alfred, pulled Gilbert back into the waiting room, and waited for the signal. The 'signal,' as it were, was actually the sound of extremely loud bagpipe music coming from a car radio outside. Alfred said, "That's the signal!" He motioned for Gilbert to follow him out of the hospital, and into the parking lot, where two loud, angry, and possibly a little intoxicated red heads were calling to them from a beat up blue and white mini van.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows when he saw them. "We ready to go?" he asked, lighting up another cigarette. The redheads didn't seem like the type to mind that stuff. Gilbert had formed his plan by now, and was ready to put it into action. All he needed was to make sure everyone he cared about was safe, then he'd find Roderick.

Alfred nodded, and crawled into the back of the van with Gilbert. The car's owner, Alister, was a scotsman through and through. He had dark red hair, emerald eyes like his brothers, and even went as far as to wear a kilt instead of trousers. Erin was the younger one, riding shotgun. Erin had lighter red hair, and had been raised in Ireland. He had a bottle of beer in his hand, and was drinking angrily. Alister lit up a cigar, and called, "Hold on to your kilts, lads!" If you thought it was impossible to burn rubber in a mini van, you would have been proven wrong then and there, because that's exactly what Alister did. Erin gave an excited battle cry, and passed his bottle back, as an offer to anyone wanting some of the beer inside. Alfred passed the bottle to Gilbert after getting a good swig for himself.

Gilbert wanted to grab the beer and finish it off, but beer was what had gotten him into this mess. He shook his head, passing it to the front, and blew out a cloud of smoke. Plus, he didn't want to be intoxicated in any way, as he had a plan to carry out.

Alister took a swig, and gave it back to his alcoholic brother. Once they got into town, speeding like a maniac, Alister called to Erin, "Wait... I take 7th right!?"

Erin yelled back, "Don't take 7th! Exit at Traction!"

Alister yelled, "That'll take me down town, ya drunken shite head!" Alister started to exit at 7th avenue, but Erin grabbed the wheel and forced him to miss it, while screaming, "DON"T TAKE 7TH!"

Alister hit his brother over the head, and yelled, "Ya fuckin prat! Ya made me miss it!"

Erin sighed and yelled, "Ya asked me how to get there, and I told you, Exit at Traction!"

"That'll take me down town!" Alister repeated.

As Traction avenue came up Erin yelled, "Turn! Turn ya bloody shite head! Turn!"

Alister screamed, "Fine! We'll go fuckin down town!" With that Alister took the sharp turn down traction avenue, and they were on their way towards the school.

Gilbert sat forward, not realizing how bad their driving was. The Prussian was an awful driver himself, and didn't give a shit about the others' driving, all he needed was to get to the school, rescue his brother, and make Roderick wish he'd never set foot outside Austria.

Alfred never let his mind stray from his mission. The school came into view, and it was a riot. Some of the cars were on fire, and a large group of people were beating the sit out of one kid in the centre of a large circle. "Alister! Hand me those binoculars!" He called. Alister did as he was asked, and gave the binoculars to Alfred. Alfred looked down at the circle, and said, "Oh my God! It's Kiku! They're trying to kill Kiku! Why are they trying to kill Kiku!?"

Once they got to the school, Gilbert got out of the car. He was done, he was so done. He found Roderick, in the middle of the crowd, cheering on whatever sick idiot was beating up Kiku. Gilbert appeared next to Roderick, glaring. He grabbed the Austrian roughly, slamming a hand over his mouth so that he couldn't talk or anything. Gilbert slammed him against the nearest brick wall, easily holding him up with one hand. "Let me teach you not to gossip," he said, deadly quiet. Gilbert drew back his fist, slamming it into Roderick's throat. He wouldn't be able to talk for a while afterwards, which was good. Then, after a few more punches to his throat, Gilbert slammed him to the ground, stomping on his hands, easily breaking his fingers. Now, Roderick wouldn't be able to play piano for a while, maybe never again. With the last stomp, Gilbert felt his heart break. This meant that their relationship was officially, completely over. "It wasn't worth it, was it?" Gilbert asked, not expecting an answer.

Alfred yelled at Alister, and Erin to get the others, while he ran to his best friend's aid. Kiku was trying to fight back, but was obviously no match for his older brother and his gang of homophobes. Kiku was getting beat all to hell. He was bleeding badly, he had broken a few bones, including his eye socket, and his legs had been badly burned when they got caught in the car fires. Kiku barley had a prayer, until Alfred knocked Yoa out with a baseball bat to the face. Alfred jumped right in to defend Kiku in his helpless situation, and Kiku felt he owed his friend a life debt.

 _ **(Historical reference alert! I have internet cookies for the ones who figure it out! Heck I'll give you a cookie if you even care!)**_

Gilbert kicked Roderick in the side, hard enough to break his ribs. He was absolutely disgusted at Roderick, he was just a terrible person now. Gilbert ran through the crowd, finally finding Ludwig sitting against a wall, holding onto Feliciano, who was completely in tears. They were both badly burned, and looked as though someone had beaten them up. Wordlessly, Gilbert directed them to the Irish brothers' car. As he did so, screams of 'he's got a gun, he's got a gun!' erupted around them. The crowd parted, to show Vash holding his younger sister with one hand, a handgun with the other. "You'll pay for what you're doing, all of you!" He tried to shoot at Ludwig and Feliciano, but Gilbert was faster. He jumped in front of them, letting out a cry of pain when the bullet slammed into his arm. Gilbert grunted, ripping off some fabric from the leg of his pants and tying it around the wound. He shoved his brother toward the car and he ran to it, cradling Feliciano. Gilbert shoved through the crowd, running to the school's basement and grabbing his friends. Francis and Antonio were worried out of their minds, but Gilbert just shoved them toward the car. As he made his way through the crowd to get Alfred, wincing with pain, he was shoved down by someone, he didn't know who, and that person started to beat him up. Without the use of one arm, Gilbert tried to fight back, but he just wasn't able to, being too awkwardly unbalanced from his injury.

Alfred threw Kiku over his shoulders, and whacked a guy off of Gilbert. He yelled, "Come on! We've got to go!" Alfred pulled Gilbert up and started running back to the van. Lovino had made his way to the van as well, having been shot in the leg when Vash went crazy. He was dragged to the car by Antonio, and was trying very hard to put on a brave face for his little brother.

"What the fuck? Just what the fucking fuck?" Gilbert panted. He ran after Alfred, blindly dashing. He heard a bang, took one more step, then fell back. "Oh fuck. Oh..." Gilbert pressed a hand against his side, trying to stop the bleeding. His thoughts were a muddled mess, he didn't exactly know what was going on. "F-fuck," he hissed. Gilbert was in more pain than he ever had been before. He'd been shot in the side, but not by Vash. Vash's gun had been forcefully removed from him by some homophobic bastard, who either had really good aim, or just made a lucky shot. Gilbert was completely bare chested, having had his tank top removed by Alfred. Now, he had nothing really to stop the bleeding with other than his bare hands. "Gil!" Someone screamed. The pain was too much, Gilbert didn't know who it was. All he knew was that he was falling. His eyes closed, and he fell back, hands lightly set over his wound.

Alistar and Erin helped Ludwig get his brother in the van, and with everyone in drove off. Arthur was the only one present with first aid knowledge, and he quickly went to work trying to stop the bleeding on Gilbert before helping anyone else. He slowed the flow of blood, but told his brother to use his horn method. Alister's horn method is where he speeds down the road, not stopping for anyone, and keeps his hand on the horn the whole time to let people know he was coming. Kiku was unconscious, Lovino was trying to dig the bullet out of his own leg, Felicio was panicking, and nursing a broken wrist, and cracked rib, Ludwig was in bad shape but much more concerned for his brother, Antonio was bleeding from a head wound, Francis was out cold from Hemophelia related blood loss, and even the gingers were sporting injuries.

"L-luddy?" Feliciano asked, cuddling closer to his boyfriend. He looked up into the other's bright blue eyes, which were filled with unshed tears. "Is... is Gil gonna be okay?" He asked, starting to cry even more. Gilbert was like a brother to him, always running around, laughing and joking. Ever since him and Roderich had broken up, Gilbert wasn't loud or funny anymore. All he seemed to do was mope and cry. Feliciano didn't know if Matthew had made it better or worse for him, but now he was scared that he wouldn't ever get to know. Gilbert winced a little when his wound was touched, but was otherwise unresponsive. News vans were following them, and Ludwig fished his phone out of his backpack. It had been badly cracked by someone throwing a rock, but he took off the glass screen protecter, and tried his best to use the phone. Already, the news channels were streaming videos of the riots. A video of Gilbert being shot had gone up, and was already the subject of controversy for many people. The worst part was that it was late at night in Germany, where their father was, so the boys were completely alone.

Alfred put an arm around Ludwig, and said, "He's going to be fine... We're all going to be fine..." Alfred almost convinced himself, but even he knew that they'd never be fine again.


	9. Recovery Road

Alistar pulled up to the Hospital, which already had reporters trying to bombard them with questions. Arthur was the one who sustained the least amount of damage, and so he was the one to tell the reporters, on behalf of everyone, "Fuck off, and get out of the way! If you're not a doctor get the bloody hell away from us!"

Ludwig picked his brother up like a bride, careful of his two gunshot wounds. He let Feliciano get a piggyback ride, though the Italian started to cry even more from the pain when he held onto Ludwig, but wouln't let go. Somewhere in Gilbert's mind, he kept seeing Matthew's beautiful face, smiling and looking up at him. He knew that he needed to get to Matthew, though he didn't know how, being mostly unconscious. Ludwig got into the hospital, helping Feliciano get settled into a chair. The little Italian started to freak out even more when Ludwig left him to get help for his brother, curling up into a ball and whimpering, clutching his wrist and side.

Alfred went to Felincio in Lavino, and Ludwig's absence. Alfred offered to hold Felincio and Comfort him. Kiku was rushed into surgery in an attempt to save his legs, and eyesight, Lavino was sent for stitches, with Antonio, Francis was sent for a blood transfusion, and Gilbert was also rushed into an operating room. Ludwig, Felincio, Alfred, Arthur, Alistar, and Erin were all that was left to examine.

Ludwig came back, carefully picking up Feliciano and cradling him. The Italian was scared out of his mind, and Ludwig knew that he'd been traumatized beyond the point that the memories could be kissed away. Feliciano held tightly onto Ludwig with hus good hand, whimpering and sobbing as Ludwig tried to comfort him. Everyone had been ruined, turned into paranoid shells. Most of all, Feliciano had lost his happiness, he felt empty without Gilbert as his big brother, and his friend, kiku hurt, and even Lovino having been shot. He felt as though nearly everyone had left him.

Alfred knew that look. The look in Felincio's eyes. He'd seen it before in Matthew's. It was a look of fear, and hopelessness. Alfred said, "Feli... I'm not going to tell you it's okay, because it's not... I can't lie to you like that... I Can't tell you to forget, because you can't forget something like that... I remember telling my own brother those things when he looked at me that way... Now look were we are... I can't tell you a lie like that... But believe me when I tell you, that you'll not face this alone! I won't let you suffer in silence like Matthew... We'll be with you through Hell and back... I promise..."

Feliciano glomped Alfred as best as he could, whimpering when he accidentally put too much pressure on his cracked rib. Ludwig smiled slightly when he saw Feliciano smiling again, as the Italian was happy that Alfred was there for him. "Is everyone gonna be okay?" He asked softly, returning to Ludwig's lap. Alfred sighed, and said, "Okay as in they'll live... I think so... Okay as in back to normal... Only time will tell... I don't know if anyone could be okay after that..."

A nurse came in and led everyone to separate rooms, but Feliciano refused to leave Ludwig's arms. The nurse sighed, annoyed, and pointed them to a room, somewhat understanding how much both of them needed each other. Soon enough, everyone had been cared for, Feliciano already asking people to sign the blue and green striped cast on his left arm.

Alfred had been examined, and was quickly rushed into surgery, after it became apparent that he had also been a victim of Vash's outburst. The bullet was lodged in one of his ribs, and It had stopped just before hitting anything important. He had come close to being shot in the heart, or spinal cord, and he was confused as to how he hadn't noticed it before. Arthur was next to Alfred during the diagnosis, and X-ray. He went back to the group in shock, with bandages around his head and body from where he had been nearly stoned to death during the riot.

"What happened?" Feliciano asked, worried. He was doodling kittens on the green stripes of his cast, but dropped the sharpie and ran up to Alfred to give him a gentle hug. Ludwig looked up at him, dropping Gilbert's bag back on the floor. He'd been looking through it while they waited, cleaning out enough drugs to rival El Chapo's stash.

Arthur was stunned. He tearfully said, "He was perfectly fine... He was! You saw! He was being everyone's rock... He was fine... But he wasn't! He took a bullet to the fucking heart! And... He's in worse condition then Gilbert... But he seemed fine..." Arthur blamed himself, as he had preformed first aid on everyone but Alfred, for them not knowing how bad it was, and risking much more damage to Alfred.

"I don't understand," Ludwig said, looking surprised. "Gilbert completely passed out, and Alfred didn't notice?" Something was fishy about Gilbert, and Ludwig started to wonder if it had something to do with his brother's marijuana problem.

Arthur was being eaten away by guilt at that point, and started to break down. His older brothers helped him to a seat, and tried to convince him it was not his fault. Antonio had been quiet up to that point, Holding his sleeping boyfriend, but began to notice Gilbert's massive stash and grew concerned. Sure he gave him drugs, but not that much. "H-Hey Ludwig?" He asked, "Do you think your brother might have a problem?"

Ludwig sighed, looking down at the backpack. In every nook and cranny, there were all different types of drugs, mostly marijuana and vape pens. He knew that Gilbert had a problem. For years, his older brother had smoked or taken nearly everything in sight. Ludwig felt a pang of sadness when he remembered cleaning Gilbert's room a few months before, finding drugs hidden everywhere. He'd refused to accept it, but Gilbert really did have a problem, and he sold drugs to freshmen and sophomores, using the extra cash for drinks. "I don't know," he sad sadly. Ludwig had tried, he really had. He made Gilbert turn out his pockets the minute he came home every day, made him eat with them so he didn't have more edibles, tried everything to stop Gilbert's drug problem.

Antonio sighed. He had no idea Gilbert had gotten that bad. "I hate to say it, amigo, but I think He needs help... Maybe we all need help..." Antonio looked at Arthur who was wallowing in guilt without a distraction. Arthur always needed something to do, so Antonio gave it to him. "Arthur? Can you do us a huge favour and find some support groups for us... Maybe a rehab centre? Something similar to AA for victims of things like this?" Arthur nodded sadly, and pulled out his phone to find the groups and centres.

By that time, the group had been there for quite a few hours. A doctor came out, looking nervous. He decided to address the group, instead of just one person. "We've been trying to asses Gilbert's condition as best as we can, and we've dealt with quite a bit," The doctor looked away for a moment, then looked back, with a fake smile on his face. "I just want to know a few things about him. Firstly, has he been known to have a drug abuse problem? Secondly, has he been known to have an alcohol abuse problem? We just need to know this to treat him," Ludwig looked worried, wanting to tell the truth, but also not wanting his brother to be arrested for the drug issues.

Antonio was the one to nod his head hesitantly. Ludwig had yet to return the drugs, so the answer would have been obvious. "Gilbert has an addiction to marijuana and alcohol..." Arthur hesitantly asked, "I-Is that important?"

The doctor nodded, frowning a bit. Gilbert obviously had been drinking and smoking a lot, and addiction explained it. He was still being operated on, possibly needing to have his arm partially amputated, since things already looked very bad for him. The bullet had done a huge amount of damage, and Gilbert had made things worse when he'd attempted to use some fabric to tie up his arm.

Arthur trembled slightly, debating within himself. As the doctor began to leave he spoke up, "Wait! A-Alfred... He's in surgery too... I-I don't know if this will help you or not, but..." Arthur looked to the floor tearfully, as he continued, "Alfred's been abusing pain killers... He's hooked on everything from Aspirin to morphine... That's probably why he didn't feel the bullet..." Arthur sighed. "He doesn't feel anything anymore..."

The doctor frowned, scribbling something on his notebook. Once he'd left, Ludwig stood up deliberately. He went out to the smoking deck, and took all the drugs out of Gilbert's backpack. He began to destroy everything in there, from expensive pipes to little MDMA pills. Ludwig knew that he wasn't doing much to help, but little steps were better than none. He came back to the waiting room, having hopefully paused Gilbert's drug intake for the time being.

Arthur was in tears, as he continued his task of getting everyone the help they needed. Antonio watched Ludwig come back and said, "I can't believe this... What is this whole group, as a whole, not addicted to!?"

Ludwig shook his head, frowning. "No, I went and destroyed Gilbert's drug paraphernalia. I know he has more hidden away, but it's a start," Ludwig sighed. He sat back down, picking up Feliciano, and setting him in his lap. The Italian had fallen asleep by then, while Ludwig got out Gilbert's bloodstained laptop and logged onto his account, continuing work on an essay.

Antonio shook his head, determined. "No! I'm Sirius! What, as a whole, are the people in this group addicted to!?" Arthur paused in his search. It was rare for Antonio to be serious about anything, but slightly refreshing. Ludwig shushed Antonio, worried that he'd wake Feliciano up. Feliciano was somewhat like a baby: hard to get to sleep, and easy to wake up. The Italian deserved his rest, and Ludwig didn't want it interrupted. "What?" he asked, sighing slightly. Now wasn't the time for riddles.

Antonio sighed, not used to the other Italian. Lovino was the exact opposite of Felincio when it came to sleep: Can sleep anywhere, any time, through anything. Antonio said, "Well, If we're all getting help, we need to know what help to get... I'm not saying you are, but... Are you addicted to anything, Ludwig?"

Feliciano rolled over a bit, cuddling closer to Ludwig. The younger German brother really didn't think he was addicted to anything. Feliciano would probably say he was addicted to learning, but that wasn't bad. Antonio said, "Come on everyone... Don't be shy... just blurt it out If you know the answer..."

Erin raised his hand and said, "I'm an alcoholic!" He put his hand down after a collective, "We know!" from the rest of the group. At the outburst Feliciano awoke, looking around. "I'm addicted to pasta... oh no, is that bad?!" he squeaked, worriedly wringing his hands. Antonio hurried to reassure Felincio that Pasta was okay. "Oh... No Feli... Pasta's a good addiction..."

Arthur sighed, and said, "I'm addicted to Opium..." Alister looked shocked and angry. "I thought you shook that! That's what we put you in rehab to do in the first place!" Arthur couldn't even look his oldest brother in the eye as he said, "Well... I relapsed..." Alister grabbed Arthur's chin, and forced his younger brother to meet his eyes. "What do ya mean ya relapsed!?" Alister yelled. Arthur had tears flowing down his cheeks, as he whimpered, "C-can we just pretend I already feel guilty enough about it, and not rub it in..."

Ludwig was surprised about all of that, but chose not to enter their conversation. A doctor walked in, coming to tell them that Gilbert's surgery had been successful, though he had permanently lost half of his arm from the gunshot and his failed attempts at stopping the bleeding. Antonio held back tears of relief and sorrow at his friend's wellbeing, wile Arthur asked, "Is there any news on Alfred?"

The doctor shook his head sadly. "We are certain that he'll recover, but I am currently unable to enter the operating room. I can assure you that all of your friends are in good hands," he left, leaving the group on their own.

"I'm hungry," Feliciano whined, and Ludwig took him to the hospital's cafe, where they got sandwiches for everybody, and a cookie for Feliciano to have after he ate. They brought the food back up, distributing it to their friends. Arthur was crying again when Ludwig and Felincio returned, having been yelled at by his brother the whole time for his relapse. Antonio thanked the two, and gently shook Lovino awake to eat. Lovino woke with a growled, "Bastard... I was dreaming about pasta... Fuck you..."


	10. Wake Me Up When it's All Over

After a few more hours of boredom, a doctor finally walked in. "I can only have a few at a time, but Gilbert's out of surgery and awake. He doesn't know much about what's going on, and he's very tired. May I ask to have his family see him first?" Ludwig stood up, nodding. He followed the doctor to Gilbert's room, pulling up a chair next to him. He honestly looked awful. He was delirious from the painkillers, and looked even paler than he already was. The remaining part of his dominant left arm was bound in a sling on top of his chest, and he had about a million IVs and wires running to and from him. "Luddy," he smiled slightly, dull red eyes looking up at him. Ludwig sat down next to him, feeling so many emotions. "'S Mattie okay?" he asked. Gilbert's words were slurred, and he only had one goal at the moment: get to Matthew. The doctor asked for Arthur to go in, fearing that Feliciano wouldn't be able to handle that.

Arthur followed Ludwig sadly, and answered the question about Matthew, seeing how he was the only one who checked. "Matthew's in the ICU... He's heavily sedated, and on suicide watch... I still don't know where the twin's parents are... They're arse of a father probably won't let Akahana leave the house..."

Being on heavy painkillers, Gilbert didn't register much, other than Matthew's name. He looked sadly up at Arthur. "Shit. I want Mattie," he mumbled, glaring up at the ceiling. Gilbert needed to know that Matthew was okay, he needed to be with him.

Arthur sighed, and said, "As soon as they let you out of this room, I'll ask them to let you see Matthew..." He needed to arrange for everyone of them to get some kind of help, and some kind where they could be together, would be best, as they could support each other nicely.

"'M gonna see Mattie?" He asked, blinking lethargicly. He tried to lift his left arm to wipe his eyes, but found that he couldn't. For one thing, his arm was bandaged to him so that hw ouldn't accidentally hurt it. Also, there wasn't a hand there to wipe his eyes with. However, Gil didn't know any of this. "Fuck, why can't i move... m' arm?" He asked, confused.

Arthur shushed Gilbert, and said, "Hey... It's okay..." he wiped Gilbert's eyes, and shushed him again. "You got really hurt Gilbert..." He said, as though Gilbert were really young, "You can't move that arm for now... Okay?"

Gilbert grunted as though he understood, but he really didn't. He wanted to move, he wanted to get up, but he was glued where he was. Ludwig couldn't bear to see Gilbert like this, it made him too sad. He kissed Gilbert's forehead then left, going into the bathroom and splashing cold water on his face. Gilbert was left with Arthur, and was still trying to figure things out. "'R Francis 'n 'Toni okay?" He asked quietly, wanting to talk to them and make sure they were alright. "'N is Lovi okay? 'N feli?"

Arthur nodded, and said, "They'll be fine, Gilbert... You took a nasty shot though... You saved Ludwig and Feli... You did good, Gilbert... Everyone's going to be alright..."

"Fuck, 'ere's Al?" He asked, wanting to see Alfred. He tried to move, and winced at a sharp pain in his side. The other bullet had gotten pretty deep, causing him severe internal bleeding among other things. It was a miracle that he was alive, but he didn't realize that.

Arthur put a gentle hand on Gilbert's shoulder, and said, "H-He's in surgery... With Kiku... They... well... Kiku is hurt really bad, but he'll live... Alfred... Alfred's lucky to be alive... He was shot in the back... The bullet missed his heart by half a centimetre... and his spinal cord by just a little bit more then that..."

"'S he gonna be mmkay?" Gilbert was too bleary to understand much more than that Alfred was hurt. "Francis n' toni. I wan' see 'em," he blinked up at Arthur, tears filling his red eyes. He wanted his friends, and he wanted Matthew. Those were his priorities.

Arthur nodded and said, "Alfred's going to be fine! Antonio can come, but Francis is... asleep, and hooked up to IVs right now... He lost a lot of blood because of his hemophilia... He can't come... I'm sorry, Gilbert..." Arthur ran his fingers gently through Gilbert's hair, like he did some times to his brothers when they were sick.

"Want Francis," he mumbled, tears falling onto his cheeks. He was confused, and wanted to restart the day, so none of this would have happened. "'N, want Toni," he needed his friends with him, so maybe they could laugh away everything and make him feel better.

Arthur sighed, and said, "I'm going to talk to whoever's in charge, and tell them to move us all together... I promise you're going to see everyone real soon..." He looked at Ludwig and said, "Can you go get me the head doctor of this bloody hospital!? I'll stay with Gilbert... God knows we all need somebody..."

Ludwig left, making even more tears well up in Gilbert's eyes. "L-luddy? 'Ere's Luddy?" He asked trying again to move, and wincing at the pain. Ludwig came back a few minutes later with a doctor, who walked over to Arthur. Gilbert looked up at the doctor, immediately asking for Matthew. Arthur sighed and pet Gilbert's hair. "Even drugged up, your still as stubborn as ever..." He looked at the doctor and said, "I was wondering if you could allow a list of patents to be moved to the same room... I'm afraid for their safety, and for their sanity... We don't need to be alone right now..."

"I believe we can make that happen," the doctor said, taking out a clipboard and writing something down. Gilbert looked up at the doctor, still confused. "'M I gonna see Mattie?" He asked, needing to be with his boyfriend. Arthur nodded and said, "Yes, Gilbert... You're going to see Mattie..."

Arthur took a sheet of paper and wrote down all of the people that were saved from the riot, and Matthew. "Here..." He said, handing the paper to the doctor. Gilbert smiled, laying his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes. He was tired, but he still needed one more thing. "Toni? Can I see 'im?" He asked lethargically, looking around the room again. The doctor took the sheet of paper from Arthur, then went outside, asking Antonio to go to Gilbert's room. The doctor was given the okay to move them all together, and set to work having nurses do that. Antonio came into the room, and forced a smile for his dear friend. "Hey Gilly!" Antonio sat down on the edge of Gilbert's bed, and said, "You gave us all quite a scare..."

Gilbert tried to smile when Antonio came in, but he just ended up with a grimace on his face. He was in pain, and felt as though something was missing from him, though he didn't know what. "Fuck... 's evry'ne okay?" He asked, looking up at Antonio. Antonio said, "We'll all live... But we won't be the same... Arthur's going to get us all help..."

"'s good," Gilbert sighed, looking around. "C'n you make this fuck'n bed sit up, 'r some'thn?" he asked, trying to point at the buttons on the side of the bed which would put the mattress up into a sitting position. Gilbert was too sluggish and drugged up to move more than a little bit, and everything seemed to cause him pain. Antonio nodded, and pushed the buttons for Gilbert to sit up. Antonio smiled, and said, "There..." He smiled at Gilbert, and said, "Is that better..."

"Yeah. S' what hap'n'd to Francis?" Gilbert asked. He hadn't understood much of what Arthur was trying to tell him. "Fuck, I need a smoke," Gilbert mumbled, not knowing that Ludwig had thrown out all of his stuff. Antonio shook his head, and said, "Francis lost a lot of blood... His hemophilia... You know how his blood doesn't clot?" Gilbert nodded slightly, concerned. "'s he gonna be mkay?" he tried to run Antonio's words through his head, but a lot of things didn't seem to make sense to him, the painkillers and drugs made sure of that.

Antonio nodded, and said, "Sí! He's going to be just fine!" Antonio watched as a nurse came in with a gurney, and said, "I'm sorry, but We need to move this patent..." Antonio nodded and got out of the way. "Come on Gilbert..." He said, "We're going to see Matthew!" Gilbert grinned, feeling a little less tired. He was going to see Matthew! Finally!

The nurse moved Gilbert to the gurney, and pulled the IV stand with it. She pushed Gilbert into the large room where most of the group had been moved, aside from Kiku, and Alfred who were still in surgery. Matthew was the second farthest to the door (with Francis being the farthest), and he was a sad sight. The boy was sedated, and strapped into the bed. His wrists were bound by a letter strap that also kept his hips down. He had many bandages on his arms, from where he had ripped the IVs out of them.

"Mattie?" Gilbert asked, glancing at him. He looked awful, like some crazy patient ready to have a lobotomy, not his sweet little boyfriend. Matthew was awake, but he was very weak. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone, and most of them thought he was asleep, until he heard Gilbert. Matthew's eyes slowly cracked open, and he made a strangled noise in the back of his throat in response.

"Fuck... Mattie. You scared th' shit outta me," he mumbled, still unable to talk very loudly or coherently from the drugs. Matthew whimpered as Gilbert was put in the bed next to him, so that Gilbert was to his left, closer to the door then Matthew himself. He wanted to reach out to him, but couldn't get his hand free. "G-Gil..." He choked. His voice was horse and scratchy, and his whispers did little to help.

Slowly, Gilbert held out his remaining full arm, placing it on top of Matthew's and smiling weakly. "You're okay?" he asked, wincing when he shifted a little, feeling a sharp pain in his side. Matthew nodded slowly. He could barely see Gilbert from the drugs, and his missing glasses, but he heard the slight intake of air when Gilbert moved. "You're not..." He whispered.

Gilbert shushed Matthew, not wanting to tell him about being shot. Gilbert himself didn't know the extent of his injuries, just thinking that the bullets had gone in and been taken out, no harm done. At the moment, all that mattered to him was that Matthew was okay. Matthew whispered, "Where's Alfie?" He wanted his little brother to be okay. He wanted to see Alfred. "I dunno," Gilbert sighed. "Arth'r said someth'n about surg'ry," he looked over at Matthew, trying to smile.

Matthew tried to sit up, but was restrained by the strap on his hips. His eyes were wide, and his heart monitor spiked. He looked like a mother polar bear who's cub was in danger. He lay back down defeated, but growled, "Somebody tell me what the hell happened after I blacked out..."

Ludwig, who was sitting quietly with a sleeping Feliciano, decided that he'd tell Matthew the basic stuff. "Roderich started a riot, we're all safe now, nothing you should be worried about," Ludwig said, making sure that Matthew wouldn't be worried about others when he should be worried about himself.

"How?" Matthew asked, slightly stunned but mostly angry. "How could that pompous ass start a riot!?" Ludwig shrugged, not wanting to say anything about the HIV truth being out. Gilbert sighed, glaring at the ceiling. Matthew looked around at everyone and said, "Will someone please tell me what's going on!?" He was angry and sad, but mostly frustrated. Ludwig glanced helplessly at Arthur, not wanting to tell Matthew too much and make him feel responsible.

Arthur sighed and said, "Oh for Gods sake! Just tell the Man!"

"Tell me what!?" Matthew demanded.

"Why don't you tell him?" Ludwig asked icily.

Arthur yelled, "Because I'm tired of being the messanger! You tell him!"

Matthew Spoke up. "Would you stop talking about me like I'm not here!"

That was when the nurses wheeled in their next member. Alfred was unconscious, and covered in bandages. His left arm was in a cast, he had stitches in his forehead, and his torso was covered in gauze. His breathing was labored, and shaky, but he was breathing. Matthew felt tears in his eyes as he saw the sad sight of his baby brother so hurt. "L-Ludwig... Please... Tell me what happened..."

Ludwig sighed, trying to figure out the best way to say things. He didn't want to upset anyone. "There was a riot at our school. Some... people were injured in fires, or hurt by other people. Vash decided to take out a gun and... and..." his voice faltered, and he looked away. Just one little gun had caused so much damage to these innocent people.

Matthew nodded and said, "Who was he aiming for?" Matthew knew Vash wouldn't pull a gun on just anyone... Well, at least not on school property. Vash Would only shoot at someone who caused harm, or threat to his little sister. Of corse the target of his anger would be whoever started the riot. Vash was a good shot, but the more angry he was the less accurate his shots became. Ludwig sighed sadly. "He was most likely aiming toward the people attempting to attack Lilli, but someone else got hold of his gun," He glared at the ground, protectively rubbing Felincio's back.

Matthew took a shaking breath, and asked, "How did this happen!?" He couldn't wrap his head around what had happened after his suicide attempt. "Fuckin' Rod'rich," Gilbert mumbled, red eyes narrowing. "Told ev'ryone 'bout my HIV," he hated that sick idiot, he was the one who deserved to have been shot. Matthew's eyes widened and he said, "What!?"

Arthur had been petting Alfred's hair gently, and clarified, "Roderick Elderstine told the entire school that you tried to kill yourself because Gilbert gave you HIV... It was all over the school's social media cite... They were saying you were a prostitute that Gilbert hired..." Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat. "And that he gave you HIV, so you tried to kill yourself..."

Matthew was stunned, and, according to the pulse monitor, his heart stopped for a moment. He flatlined for a good two seconds, before his heart got it's shit back together.

"'S true 've got it, but di'nt give it t' you," Gilbert sighed. He weakly rubbed Matthew's hand with his thumb, tears streaking his face. Matthew shook his head and said, "No... You didn't... W-was he Just guessing, or... D-did he... H-how... I-I don't... How did he find out?"

"'en I was datin' 'im, he tried t' come onta me n' ask for sex. I had t' tell him 'bout havin' HIV," Gilbert said. Talking drained what was left of his energy quite a bit, and he laid his head back oh the bed's stiff pillow, closing his eyes. Matthew said, "But... How did he find out about me?" He looked crushed, but still determined to find out the truth.

Gilbert had fallen asleep, and was snoring softly. Ludwig looked up, frowning. "What do you mean? Wait... did Gilbert give you HIV? He doesn't seem like the type of person who'd do that," He was confused as to what Matthew was talking about. Matthew shook his head and began crying as he began to put the pieces together. "I've had it a long time..."

While he slept, Gilbert could sense Matthew crying. Slowly and laboriously, he moved his hand so instead of being on top of Matthew's their hands were intertwined. His hand went limp again as he returned to sleep. "You mean... you have it?" Ludwig asked. He didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. This meant that the rumors were well... just rumors, but they did have some truth to it. Ludwig himself was very self-conscious about having HIV, but now everyone knew.

He held tight to Gilbert's outstretched hand, as best he could with his limited flexibility. The cuffs refused to let him move his arms, even though his wrists burned with pain from the new stitches, and the low dose of pain killers. His nurse didn't believe him when he said he was in pain, because she assumed he was trying to get high. Matthew nodded at Ludwig, and said, "Sense I was seven..."


	11. Wile He Was Sleeping

The party sat in silence for a while, both Gilbert and Feliciano asleep. Soon, Gilbert's breathing quickened, and he grabbed Matthew's hand tightly, face scrunching up. "Nein, nein," he muttered in his sleep, trying to turn over. He was having a nightmare that Ludwig and Feliciano had been shot instead of him. Matthew looked over at Gilbert, and held tight to his hand. "Gilbert?" He said.

Antonio walked over to his friend, and tried to shake him awake gently. Gilbert bolted awake, sitting up. He winced, feeling a sharp pain in his side. Still incoherent, he looked wildly around the room, eyes landing on Ludwig with Feliciano in his lap. "F-fuck. You're mkay, right?" he asked, words slightly slurred. He was convinced that they'd been shot, just like in his dream.

That's when Matthew saw it. The blonde gasped in shock. He hadn't been able to see from Gilbert's previous angle, but now he saw the extent of the damage. Gilbert was missing half of his forearm. Matthew's tears flowed faster down his cheeks, as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Fuck, Mattie, 's wrong?" he asked, worried. He realized that his brother and boyfriend were okay, but Matthew wasn't. He wished he could turn to hug him, but even the slightest movement of his torso caused pain to shoot through him. Being confused from the drugs, Gilbert didn't realize that part of his arm had been amputated, he just thought that he couldn't move it, like Arthur had said. Matthew choked, "What happened to your arm?" The small boy was shaking, and trying desperately to get out of his confines at that point.

Gilbert was confused. He looked down at his arm, only seeing bandages. He didn't understand why Matthew was so worked up. "I got shot. 'S nothin' 's all fixed up," he yawned, moving his remaining hand on top of Matthew's stroking his soft skin. Matthew started. "But Gilbert it's-" Arthur shook his head, cutting Matthew off.

Matthew whimpered, and said, "C-can someone get them to take these things off? I promise I'll be good..." Ludwig went to get a nurse, who grudgingly removed the restraints, telling Ludwig that Matthew had to be watched at all times. Once that had happened, Gilbert beckoned for Matthew to come sit with him, as he felt so far away from Matthew when they were in their own beds. Matthew waited for the nurse to leave before scurrying into Gilbert's bed. He was careful not to upset the IVs and get himself strapped down again. Matthew snuggled Gilbert and winced, as he rotated his wrists.

Gilbert smiled when Matthew was with him, using his hand to stroke Matthew's hair then cup his cheek, teasingly kissing his chin. He only wanted to see Matthew smile again, and he'd do anything to get Matthew to do that, he was so beautiful when he did. Matthew sighed playfully and said, "Boy, you are really bad at this aren't you..." He pecked Gilbert's lips, and smiled slightly. "Those were my lips..."

Just seeing Matthew's smile made Gilbert's day so much better. He kissed his boyfriend again, closing his eyes and tangling his hand in Matthew's hair. "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would've done without you," Gilbert whispered. Matthew's smile turned to sobs with that one phrase. He wrapped his frail, matchstick arms around Gilbert, and cried into his boyfriends chest. He felt so awful for thinking Gilbert would abandon him. He felt terrible for believing Gilbert would want him dead, and for causing all of the day's events to happen. He felt so terrible for everything, and it finally came pouring out of like flood gates being opened.

"Mattie, don' cry, please don' cry," Gilbert rubbed Matthew's back, knowing that he thought this was his fault. "It's not your fault. This was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen. You had noting to do with it, Roderich did," Ludwig assured Matthew. Feliciano woke up and ran to the pair, gently hugging both of them. "Noooo! Don't cry or you're gonna make me cry!" Tears started to fill up Feliciano's golden eyes.

Lovino had been sleeping soundly up until he heard his brother start to cry. He bolted awake, and said almost instantly, "Which one of you bastards made Felincio cry!" He pointed to Ludwig and said, "Was it you, macho potato Bastardo!?" Antonio sighed and went over to his angry little Italian. "Lovi, Please-" Lovino snapped, "Don't you 'Lovi, please' Me tomato bastard! I want to know why my brother's crying! Who do I have to take care of!?"

"No! Nobody made me cry, I just don't want anyone else to cry!" Feliciano said, wiping away his tears. He hugged Gilbert then saw his arm, face falling. "Gil? What happened to your arm?" he asked, tears filling up in his eyes again. Ludwig looked warningly at him, but Feliciano didn't care. "It-it's gone! You only got shot, I don't understand!" Feliciano started to cry, holding onto Gilbert and looking sadder than he ever had before. Gilbert was just like a brother to him, and he didn't know how hurt he was. Gilbert looked down at his arm, still confused. He tried to lift it, but his arm was bandaged to him so he didn't accidentaly hurt it any more. Matthew's tears ran faster now, as he held onto Gilbert for another reason.

Gilbert looked over to Antonio, confused. "Toni, what happened to my arm?" he asked, wiping tears from Matthew's cheeks, gently shushing him. Antonio sighed and said, "The fabric you tied around your arm, to stop the bleeding... You tied it too tight, and it cut off circulation... The doctors did your side first so they didn't realize how bad it was, but your cells died..."

It took a few moments of shocked silence for this to settle in. Gilbert's mouth dropped open and he looked at his arm, then at Antonio, then back at his arm, eyes filling with tears. So this was what everyone was keeping quiet about? He'd lost his fucking arm! This meant that Gilbert could never join the army. He could never properly hug Matthew again, and he couldn't hold things with that hand. He was ready to murder Roderich, this was all his fault. A few months before, Gilbert would have given an arm and a leg to get Roderich to come back to him. Now, he'd given his arm, and for what? "Fuck, Oh fuck," Gilbert sobbed, holding tightly onto Matthew. He wasn't as concerned with how he looked as he was to what this had done to him. Matthew rubbed Gilbert's back and cried with his boyfriend.

Lovino nodded determinedly and said, "Does anybody have a quarter?" Ludwig got a quarter out of his pocket, handing it to Lovino. Lovino got up and began to make his way to the door, when Antonio called, "Lovi, where are you going?"

Lovino said, "I'm going down the street to the payphone... I need to make a call that can't be traced to me..." The Vergaz family was notorious throughout Italy for being one of the larger Mafia families, but that was what the brothers' father moved them to America to get away from. Lovino had been caught by his brother the year before still working for an american branch of the Mafia. Felincio was extremely suspicious of him now, as he made Lovino swear not to work for them again. Lovino kept that promise to an extent: he wasn't working for anyone anymore, he was running the show. What Roderick did, by starting that riot, was war in Mafia terms, and Lovino had much more experience in that field then Roderick. Lovino had experience, youth, numbers, weapons, resources, money, and motivation. Of corse none of those factors win wars, but they sure do help.

Gilbert felt empty, and he'd never be able to do any of those things that mattered so much to him. He couldn't help Matthew back up when he fell, he couldn't cup Matthew's face in his hands and kiss his perfect lips, he couldn't hold Matthew's hands and look into his eyes. He looked down at Matthew, tears turning him into a blurry mess. Gilbert buried his face in Matthew's chest, tears soaking through his flimsy hospital gown. Matthew shushed Gilbert softly, and pet his soft hair, as he watched them wheel in the last member of their group, who was also missing something. Kiku had been burnt so badly on his legs that doctors were forced to amputate them.

Gilbert sobbed even more when he saw what had happened to Kiku. "I fucking hate Roderick, I fucking hate him!" he screamed, burying his face in Matthew's chest. This was all Roderick's fault. All he'd lost was his voice and the ability to play piano, and that wasn't even permanent, while the members of their group had all been hurt in unspeakable ways.

Lovino saw Kiku and nodded to himself even more determined. "Don't worry..." He said to the group as a whole, "I won't let them get away with this... This is war now!" Lovino turned and ran out of their word.

Matthew watched Lovino run out, and began to rock Gilbert gently back and forth, in an attempt to calm him down, and give him some comfort. Matthew said, "Gilbert, it'll be okay... I promise..."

"No! It'll never be okay! Look what happened to Kiku, look what happened to Alfred, look what happened to me for god's sake!" Gilbert sobbed, holding even tighter onto his boyfriend. He just wanted the day to start all over, he just wanted to have come to school on time and held Matthew and let him know just how special he was.

Matthew began to cry harder, and he choked, "I-I'm so sorry... This is all my fault... How could I have been so selfish!?" He broke down into tears again. He couldn't help but feel like things would have been so much better if he had never been born.

"Don't you dare say that. This is Roderich's fault and you know it," Gilbert said angrily, causing Matthew to flinch. Gilbert gave Matthew a tearful kiss, playing with his hair. Matthew still felt as though it was his fault, but he figured he was just the trigger. The ammo was running through his and Gilbert's very veins.

Gilbert held on to Matthew, tears still streaming down his cheeks. Ludwig, meanwhile, was looking very angry. "I texted dad, and he said he couldn't come until four months from now. What the fuck?" he asked, glaring at his phone.

Matthew looked at Ludwig sympathetically. "I'm sorry..." He said, with a hint of sadness in his voice. He'd received no word from his own family, but more likely then not his father wanted nothing to do with his suicidal son. "The last thing I said to my father, was a promise to drag him to hell with me, should I find myself there... I don't regret it... But I'll probably never see my parents again..."

"What do you mean?" Ludwig asked, worried, Gilbert silently rubbed Matthew's back, kissing his boyfriends head. "If you 'n Alfred ever need to, you can stay with us," Gilbert said, looking over at Alfred. Matthew nodded, and said, "Our father's a drunken wife beater... I told him in my suicide message that if I were to find myself there, I would crawl back to Earth and drag him back to Hell with me..."

"He belongs in hell, along with Roderick," Gilbert growled menacingly. How could anybody beat so kind and frail as Akahana? He held tighter onto Matthew, whispering soothingly to him.


	12. Paparazzi

Lovino came back into the ward after a wile, and said, "If anyone has a message for the devil, call Roderick Elderstine now, for he will be seeing Him soon..." Lovino crossed himself, and muttered in his native Italian, _"Dio abbia pietà l'anima di fuel bastardo...(God have mercy on that bastard's soul...)"_ This had been a very common phrase in Italy from the Mafia. Lovino knew his brother would recognize it, and didn't really care. He had called the right people, and Roderick would be taken care of within the month, unless outside factors intervened.

Feliciano looked up at his brother, worried. "Che cosa fai?"(what are you doing?) he knew that his brother could be dangerous, and didn't want anyone really hurt, even Roderich. Gilbert yawned again, holding onto Matthew. He laid his head on Matthew's chest, listening to the beating of his heart, and soon fell asleep again.

Lovino looked at Felincio and said, _"Non sto facendo niente, Feli... Si è già stato fatto... (I'm not doing anything, Feli... It's already done...)"_

Feliciano gave his brother a disapproving look before going back to Ludwig, sitting down in his lap. As Gilbert slept, Ludwig turned on the TV, muting it to look at the subtitles. It showed Roderick, wearing handcuffs and being shoved into a police car. He was strangely quiet, his neck and hands covered in bruises and blood. And somehow, someone had gotten a picture of Gilbert being carried into the hospital by Arthur. The Internet was blowing up with videos, most of either Kiku being beaten or Gilbert being shot, which were the center of controversy.

Lovino watched the television with growing interest. He barked, "Oi! Potato Bastard! Put the sound on, I can't read this language that fast!"

"Shhh! You'll wake up Gilbert!" Ludwig whispered, adding a second set of subtitles in Italian. The news reporters were talking about things that none of them even knew about, from trials where the group would have to face Roderick, to a giant fund started to pay the group's hospital bill.

Lovino muttered under his breath as the screen showed some of Roderick's supporters, most of them being christian extremists who thought homosexuals should go to hell. _"Attendere fino a quando vengono a sapere Roderick è bisessuale... Non sarà una tale nobile causa, allora... (Wait until they find out Roderick is bisexual... It will not be such a noble cause, then...)"_ Lovino growled, in rapid Italian.

Gilbert could sense the tension while he slept and whimpered softly, holding tighter onto Matthew. He had no idea what was going on, but was already dreaming about facing Roderick. Every time Gilbert tried to hit Roderick, he felt like he was chained back. He looked down to his hands, but they weren't there. Roderick turned into Vash, holding up a gun and shooting it straight at his head. Gilbert woke up screaming again, everything being too much for him. He needed a smoke, and fast, or he felt like he would go crazy. Matthew held Gilbert gently and said, "Ludwig can you turn it up now?"

"Fuck, Ludwig, gimme my backpack," Gilbert grunted. Ludwig obliged and Gilbert searched through it, frowning. "Who the fuck took my weed?" he asked angrily. All he needed was to get high, and Ludwig wasn't even giving him that right. The brothers started arguing, which turned into the pair screaming at each other.

Matthew didn't even notice the arguing, as he watched the footage of the riot being broken down by the media. Matthew started crying as he saw the whole thing on the television. Everything from the cars being burned, to the crowed trying to stone Ludwig, Felincio, and Arthur to death. He saw Kiku's own brother attack him for no reason, and even go as far as to allow flaming gasoline from one of the cars to coat Kiku's legs. He saw Lovino get shot in the leg as he tried to usher the others to safety. He saw Gilbert take a small vengeance on Roderick, and run to save his brother. He saw Alfred get shot in the back, as he carried his fallen friend to safety. He watched Gilbert get shot and carried back to the van. He even saw the aftermath, in which Elizavetha wrestled the gun away from the bastard who took it from Vash, and threaten to shoot the next person who even thought about hurting her friends. And then he saw his own picture. Matthew took the remote, and turned the sound on.

 _ **"According to the self proclaimed spokes person of the wounded, Arthur Kirkland, 'Matthew Williams was the trigger, but the school was a powder keg waiting for that one spark. It didn't take much to set it ablaze.' For those of you who are just tuning in, Matthew Williams is a senior at Hetalia High, who was found earlier today in the upstairs boys bathroom, after an attempted suicide. Rumours began to grow from online sources that his suicide had something to do with his open homosexuality, thus spawning the riot..."**_

Gilbert turned his attention back to the television, nearly immediately bursting into tears. He covered Matthew's eyes with a hand, not wanting him to see what was going on. Silent tears escaped Gilbert's eyes, as he held tighter onto Matthew. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, from Ludwig standing up, slamming the TV remote on the table, to Feliciano bursting into tears. The news was getting everything wrong, none of this made sense. Gilbert twisted around to comfort Feliciano, crying out from more pain in his side.

Lovino picked up his brother and easily held the boy to his chest. Lovino was angry, but he could choke down his anger long enough to comfort his brother.

Matthew was in tears before hand, but he was glad he knew what happened. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and said, "Lovino... Do you happen to know any good lawyers?"

Lovino nodded and said, "I'm related to a few..."

Matthew asked, "Can they control the press?"

Lovino nodded, and said, "I'll make some calls later..."

Gilbert sighed, laying back down and pulling Matthew closer to him. He didn't exactly undersand what was going on, he was so tired and stressed, and he needed to smoke something or he'd go crazy. "Toni, you got any weed on you?" he asked, moving his hand over to hold Matthew's. Antonio shook his head, and said, "Sorry..."

Matthew groaned, "I wish you wouldn't smoke that stuff... You're killing yourself... slower then I am, but you get my point... If my mother knew, well, if she knew you knew, that you smoked anything, you wouldn't have made it out of my house... She would have been there all night talking about how bad it is to not be able to breath... Smoking pot was how she developed lung cancer in the first place..."

Gilbert sighed angrily. He wanted to sleep again, but every single time, he just ended up having some awful nightmare. "Fine, if I don't smoke... then you have to eat," Gilbert growled. He'd only kick kis bad habit if Matthew kicked his. In fact, Gilbert would do anything to get Matthew healthy again.

Matthew felt heavy just thinking about food. His pulse monster even slowed a bit. He didn't want to eat. He wanted to be skinny, but he didn't want Gilbert to lose himself in marijuana. He had tears in his eyes, that he refused to let fall, and his voice broke something awful, as he stuck his hand out to Gilbert, and said, "D-deal..."

Gilbert grinned more than he had all day, hugging Matthew with as much strength as he had, and leaned over, kissing Matthew. "See, I do know how to kiss," he teased once he'd pulled away. It was as if nobody else was with them, just the two of them in that room. Matthew let out a squeal, and a small giggle, before saying, "Gilbert... Please let me go... You're crushing me..."

Gilbert nodded and moved, so now Matthew was laying next to him, their hands still intertwined. Gilbert kissed the tip of Matthew's nose and smiled, just wanting to cuddle with his boyfriend more. Matthew cuddled Gilbert, and said, "We're going to have to talk to the press eventually..."

Gilbert sighed sadly, glaring. "I don't want to deal with them yet. Can't we just ignore them for a while until we have to deal with the legal stuff?" Gilbert pleaded. He'd only just gotten his boyfriend back and wanted it to just be them and their friends, no outsiders. Matthew nodded. That was what he needed the lawyer for. To keep the media out of it until they were ready. He could get Arthur to keep them appeased until then. "That'll be fine..."

Gilbert smiled, yawning. "You're so awesome," he murmured, eyes drooping. He was really sleepy, but he was scared to go to sleep. He didn't want any more nightmares, so he fought to stay awake. Matthew smiled and said, "Don't worry Gill... I'll be right here..."

Gilbert took a deep breath, holding tightly onto Matthew. He felt safer with him, but he was still scared, though he'd never admit it. Gilbert squeezed his eyes shut, almost immediately falling asleep again. The combination of pain medication and yelling at his brother had exhausted him so much.

Matthew pet Gilbert's hair gently, and sang softly to the boy.

"Lavender springs  
Dilly-dilly  
Lavenders blue  
You must love me  
Dilly-dilly  
for I love you..."


	13. Progress

_**AN: I**_ ** _apologize for the extreme delay in posting this chapter. My brother and I had some family issues to deal with, and I was not able to update. I promise two chapters to go up before midnight tonight!_**

Gilbert managed to sleep dreamlessly for about an hour, before five visitors came in to see him and Ludwig. "Hey! We wanted to make sure you were okay, we saw the news!" Mathias, Ludwig and Gilbert's neighbour, walked into the room. Arthur waved at Mathias. They were friends, sort of. More like drinking buddies. They would go to Gibert's place and get drunk out of their minds, wake up the next morning naked, half naked, or in a waiter's uniform, with a massive hangover, and call it a successful night. Mathias was trailed by all his roommates, the last of whom was carrying a basket filled with food. "Hi Gilbert, are you okay?" Tino asked, setting down the basket by Ludwig, before being shushed lightly by Matthew. They weren't exactly friends, but they were neighbours, and they all looked out for each other.

Gilbert awoke with a yawn, looking up at Tino, wile wiping his eyes. It was then that Tino noticed his arm, his face falling. "Oh, we heard on the news, but we didn't know it was that serious," he said sympathetically, looking over at Kiku too. He took a few get well soon cards out of the basket, along with little bags of Swedish cookies, and set a card and bag on everyone's bedside tables, giving the rest to the people who weren't injured badly enough to need to be in hospital beds.

Matthew pet Gilbert's hair, and winced again at his wrists. Matthew was actually in serious pain, as the doctors had to sew his very veins back together, but he could only have the pain medicine his nurse gave him every few hours, because she was convinced he would abuse them. None of the other nurses believed him when he told them how badly it hurt, or how little his nurse was giving him.

"Hey, Mattie, you okay?" Gilbert asked. He gently lifted up Matthew's hands, softly brushing his lips against the bandages around his wrists. Gilbert could tell that Matthew was in pain, and wished he could get the doctors to give Matthew more. Gilbert was on a very high dose of painkillers for his arm, but he was still constantly in pain.

Matthew nodded. He remembered asking his nurse for more painkillers, and she just laughed at him and said, "you started it... Now you have to live with it!" Matthew had made a smart ass remark about not expecting to live in general, but it wasn't well received, being how that just got his restraints tightened.

Tino handed a little teddy bear each to Gilbert and Matthew, smiling, before passing one out to everyone else. Him and his boyfriend, Berwald, had gotten some things for all of them, both of them wanting their neighbors and their neighbors' friends to be comfortable. Gilbert smiled at the little teddy bear, being reminded somewhat of Kuma. Matthew looked at the little white bear and whispered, a soft, "Kuma... I hope you're alright..."

"I'm sure he's fine," Gilbert assured Matthew, kissing his boyfriend gently. He took the bag of cookies off his bedside table, trying to open it. He put one side in his mouth, pulling the other with his hand, but only succeeded in ripping the plastic. Matthew took the cookie bag from Gilbert, and opening it for him. "There you go..."

"Thanks, Mattie," Gilbert kissed his boyfriend's cheek, taking out a cookie and trying it. It was really good, and Gilbert reminded himself to get more from Tino later.

Lukas was silent until then, when his monotone voice cut through the room. "You know, I know a man who makes high tech prosthetics. He could give you and Kiku your limbs back." Gilbert's mouth dropped open. At that time, he would give anything just to have his hand back, and he hated seeing Kiku without legs, it was just so saddening. "You're kidding me. That's awesome!" Gilbert wanted to hug Lukas, but was much too weak to get out of bed.

Lukas nodded, and explained, "It hooks to your nerves, but it requires a lot of maintenance I should know." Lukas pulled up his left pant leg, to show off the prosthetic, that moved just as smooth as a human leg.

Gilbert was surprised, as he hadn't noticed any difference in Lukas' walk than in any other person's walk. "But what about a hand, how would that work?" he looked down at his own arm, covered in gauze and bandaged to his chest.

Lukas fixed his pants, and said, "That depends on a lot of factors. The only example I've seen is one that looks like a skeleton hand, and it's fully operational, but high maintenance."

"Well, uh... would I maybe be able to get one?" Gilbert's arm hadn't had much removed, only the forearm, but he still had to know if this would work. He knew that getting used to living with one hand would be very hard. "And what do you mean by 'high maintenance'" Lukas nodded, and said, "Sure. No problem. It's just a lot of fine tuning, and a little bit of periodical pain."

"Pain? What do you mean pain?" Gilbert was already in enough pain as it was, he didn't think he needed more, but maybe the benefits would outweigh anything else. Lukas shrugged and said, "You don't even feel it after a few weeks, and when you do, it's livable. It's just your nerves being overly sensitive. It'll come and go, but it's not too bad. The first week's the hardest, but then again I was learning to walk on mine. The pain should be less for you. Kiku is a different story."

Gilbert nodded. "Well, if you can just hook me up with these prosthetic people, then maybe..." Gilbert shrugged and looked down at his arm, smiling a bit.

Lukas nodded and said, "Won't be too hard." He turned and looked at Berwald, and said, "You think you can get Gilbert, and Kiku some prosthetics?" Berwald nodded and made a sound of agreement. Lukas looked back at Gilbert and said, "You're good to go. Whenever the doctors say you can get one we'll be waiting."

"You guys are awesome," Gilbert said, leaning forward as much as he could to hug them, then return to his place next to Matthew, smiling. Lukas froze when he was hugged, and muttered, "You are so lucky your already hurt, or I would beat the affection out of you."

Gilbert rolled his eyes, knowing that that was an empty threat. He cuddled Matthew, handing him a cookie. "I want this gone by the end of the day," he was being pretty realistic for Matthew's condition.

Matthew's little cloud of sadness returned quickly after that. Matthew really didn't want to eat the cookie, but this was easily avoided due to him being vegan. True being vegan helped him lose wait, but there were a large number of reasons Matthew was vegan besides that one. "Gilbert... I can't eat this..." Matthew said.

Gilbert then remembered that Matthew was vegan, and cookies weren't. "Uh... I want you to eat something by the end of the day. Ludwig or Antonio can probably go get you something," Gilbert wanted Matthew to get some meat on his bones, he scared Gilbert being so thin.

Matthew nodded, and snuggled up next to Gilbert. He was going to forget the whole thing but Tino came up with his little bag of cookies. "Oh Matthew! Arthur told me over the phone you were vegan so I made these special! All soy or tofu in placement of the animal ones!" Matthew felt like punching Tino in the mouth, but he instead forced a smile on his face and said with clenched teeth, "How very thoughtful of you..."

"Yay! Now you can have some of these, they're really awesome," Gilbert said happily, stuffing his face with another one. Tino was really sweet, and Gilbert would have to remember to give him a thank you card... if he could write, as he'd lost his dominant left hand.

Matthew felt like he was going to be sick. He heasatently took a cookie, and closed his eyes. He told himself it was a celery stick, and nibbled lightly on the edge. It was a good cookie, but it made Matthew feel so fat, and ugly. Hard to believe one cookie could have that kind of power, but it did.

When Matthew began to eat the cookie, Gilbert hugged him, smiling. "Good job, you're doing really well," he murmured while nuzzling Matthew's chest. Matthew pulled the cookie away from his lips for a moment, and quite literally burst into tears. He couldn't help it. He felt so disgusting, even without the images on his walls to be his guide, he still remembered his goal, and this wasn't it. He was pretty sure that most of the group still didn't know he was anorexic, seeing how the hospital gown hid his thin figure, and he did genuinely confuse the visitors in the room, with his little breakdown.

"Oh, Mattie, you're alright, you were doing so well. Um... how about you pretend it's covered with maple syrup?" He tried to give Matthew an awkward one armed hug, while rubbing Matthew's back. Matthew took a shaking breath, and nibbled a little bit more off his cookie, before starting to shake with sobs again.

Gilbert tried to calm Matthew down, rubbing his back and gently shushing him. He got his laptop, which was covered in blood and had an awfully cracked screen, and pulled up Netflix. "How about we watch a movie or a show?" He asked. Maybe that would distract Matthew and he'd unknowingly finish his cookie. Matthew nodded, sadly, and snuggled up to Gilbert. He took another nibble off the cookie, and tried to muffle his sobs of self hatred.

"You can choose whatever you want," Gilbert said, trying to move his laptop toward them with his foot, since his hand was occupied with rubbing Matthew's back. Matthew nodded, but said, "Gilbert I can't see it with this screen..." He instead took the remote and changed the television to a Canadian Hockey game, were they were talking about a player who had just recovered from total impalement.

Gilbert smiled, glad that Matthew had found something to watch. He tried to close his laptop with his foot, but failed spectacularly, and instead dropped it on the floor by accident. Ludwig walked over and picked it up, realizing that Gilbert would need a new one... and that had been a thousand dollar alienware.

Matthew nibbled on his cookie, and tried to distract himself from his self disgust. He cuddled Gilbert for comfort, and tried to get into the game.

Gilbert yawned, looking over at Antonio. "Does anyone know where Francis is?" He felt incomplete without the last member of his trio of friends. Antonio nodded, and pointed to the bed at the end of the room, where Francis had been unconscious for the past few hours. "He lost a lot of blood, amigo..."

Gilbert sighed angrily. "I'm gonna kick that little Austrian shit into the next fucking dimension when I get a hold of him," Gilbert was at a certain point beyond pissed, all he wanted to do was strangle Roderich. This was all his fault, he'd done this to Gilbert's friends. Francis looked so sad and miserable this way, nothing like Gilbert's best friend.

Matthew ran his fingers through Gilbert's hair, and tried to calm him down. "It'll be okay Gilbert..." He said softly. Matthew obviously didn't understand. Things would never be okay, as long as Roderich was still alive and Gilbert's friends were hurt. Instead of fighting, though, Gilbert sighed and laid back down, snuggling up with Matthew and kissing his gently.

Matthew nibbled just a little bit more on his cookie, and felt, rather then forced, the tears falling down his cheeks.

"Shh, Birdie, you're okay," Gilbert kissed the tears away from Matthew's beautiful face, holding onto him as best as he could. Gilbert wanted to promise Matthew that he'd be okay, but it was an empty promise, one that Gilbert could never keep.

Matthew told himself that the faster he ate it the quicker he could stop the torture of eating it. Matthew took a large bite out of the cookie, and swallowed. That was when his agony turned to anger. He looked at Gilbert with tears of self loathing filling his eyes and he said, "God, I hate you for this!" He forced himself to take another bite, and tried not to make himself sick.

Whatever Gilbert expected, it was definitely not this. He glanced over at Matthew, slightly confused. "Don't eat too fast, I don't want you to get sick," he wiped some crumbs off of Matthew's chin, giving it a little teasing kiss. Matthew swallowed and snapped, "I know what I'm doing!" He took another bite, and growled angrily to himself, before starting to cry again. It seamed like each relapse he got more emotional.

"Oh... Mattie," Gilbert sighed. He'd had a long day, and didn't want to be snapped at. Mattie seemed to have eaten enough, he would be fine. "You don't have to eat any more. You did really good," Hopefully, Matthew wouldn't be mad at him anymore. Gilbert kissed Matthew's forehead, silently praising him. Matthew threw the rest of the cookie on the floor, before turning to hide his face in Gilbert's chest, while he cried.


	14. Things That go Bump in the Night

_**A.N. I'm so sorry this is so late. I've had some things come up that prevented me from posting. Please don't hate me!**_

Tino was confused about the cookie thing. He wasn't that bad of a cook, was he? Before he could ask, Mathias was ushering them out. He gave everyone one last goodbye before the group left. Gilbert held tightly onto Matthew, kissing his forehead. "You did really well, you did an awesome job," he praised, wanting Matthew to know how good he was doing.

Matthew said, "Did I hurt Tino's feelings?" He felt guilty about throwing the cookie on the floor, but he felt so disgusted with himself for eating it.

Gilbert really wasn't in the mood to find out, so he just shrugged, yawning again. It was getting really dark outside, and he was tired. A nurse came in, telling Ludwig, Feliciano, Antonio, and Arthur that they would have to leave as it was after nine o' clock. With a last kiss to his older brother's forehead and a hug from Feliciano, Ludwig and Feliciano left to go to the brothers' apartment, promising to bring some things for Gilbert.

Antonio looked sad, but said, "I'll be back first thing tomorrow... I promise..."

Arthur looked very reluctant to leave Alfred's bedside, and his brothers practically had to drag him away. Arthur was struggling to hold back tears as he said, "I-If Alfred wakes up... Would you tell him I was here? Please... Tell him I didn't leave willingly..." Matthew nodded, and said, "He wouldn't have it another way..."

"Fuck," Gilbert muttered. He looked down at Matthew, hugging him protectively. They weren't exactly alone, but it sure felt like it, and Gilbert was scared now. Matthew looked at Gilbert and asked, "What's wrong?"

Gilbert didn't want to admit it, but the absence of everybody else made him really scared. Now, he was even more vulnerable. He was already seeing Roderick in everything. When he turned, Roderick was staring out of the TV, holding a gun. Then, Roderick was jumping out of the window, running at him. Normally, Gilbert would have laughed at this, but everything felt so real! His heart rate spiked, his breathing got quicker. Everything was Roderick or Vash or the asshole who had shot him in the side, he couldn't escape.

Matthew knew that look. PTSD. Matthew still suffered from it on occasion. He stroked Gilbert's hair, and said, "Do you want me to sing to you again?"

Gilbert took a deep breath and nodded, cuddling close to Matthew and closing his eyes, hoping that he could block out all the people. He focused only on Matthew, how soft his skin was, how gentle his voice was, how wavy his hair was.

Matthew sighed and began to sing.

"I know you  
I walked with you  
once upon a dream  
I know you  
that gleam in your eye  
is so familiar a gleam  
and I know it's true  
that visions are seldom all they seam  
But if I know you  
I know what you'll do  
You'll love me at once  
the way you did once  
upon a dream..."

###

Gilbert managed to fall asleep, still scared. He tried to stay asleep, but couldn't block out Roderich and Vash and everyone else. Eventually, he was so scared, he couldn't take it. Gilbert woke up, burying his face in Matthew's chest and sobbing. He was shaking with fear, tears rolling down his cheeks. Underneath the muscular build and dark appearance, Gilbert was only human, and that part of him had been irreversibly damaged.

Matthew had been in a restless sleep, but woke quickly with Gilbert. He pet Gilbert's hair, and whispered, "Shhh... I'm here Gilbert... I'm here..." Gilbert nodded through his tears, trying to be strong for Matthew. He hated himself for being so teary and scared, he was being such a wuss! Gilbert kept holding tightly onto Matthew, as if he could hide behind his boyfriend.

Gilbert finally wiped away his tears, letting go of Matthew. He curled back up in bed, looking sadly at his pillows. He got his ruined phone out of his backpack, silently playing a game to try and block his thoughts of Roderick.

Matthew sighed. Gilbert looked like he was a war victim. Matthew wished he could help More, but he didn't know what to do. He felt so helpless.

"I wanna get out of this place. I hate it here," Gilbert mumbled. He searched through his backpack again, as though he'd find something to smoke. He searched through his notebooks and pencil cases, trying to find something. Giving up, he texted Antonio, telling him to bring him drugs the next day. Matthew sighed and said, "I know Gilbert... I want to get out of here too... But Where would I go?"

Antonio texted back with a "No can do amigo. Tell Matthew that Arthur picked up his bear."

"Arthur's got Kuma," Gilbert sighed, texting Antonio back. He wouldn't rest until he got drugs. Gilbert found Lovino's number, asking him to get some drugs from his room, knowing that Feliciano, who was at the German brothers' apartment, would probably be with his brother. Lovino would listen to Gilbert, right? Maybe if there was money in the deal. Lovino texted back, telling Gilbert that Ludwig had already cleaned out his room.

Matthew let out a relieved sigh. "Thank God... I thought for sure he'd be killed..."

Gilbert felt hopeless. He'd made a promise to Matthew, but he had to break it for his own sanity. Gilbert texted his dealer, Ivan, crossing his fingers. Maybe he'd get some drugs from him, even though he was probably on Roderick's side. Ivan also refused to give Gilbert any drugs, because his sister was blaming Gilbert for Matthew's attempted suicide. To Ivan this made Gilbert the cause of the riot.

Matthew let his mind wonder to his mother and he began to cry again. Gilbert hugged Matthew, rubbing his back while texting the only other drug dealers he knew: Sadiq, Abel (Netherlands), and Im Yong Soo, hoping that they would get him something. He didn't want to deal with this, he couldn't just go cold turkey. Abel was the only one to respond as the others were already asleep, or in another country. He told Gilbert he could set him up as soon as he got discharged.

Matthew's small frame shook with sobs and he curled in on himself. Gilbert smiled at the text, then turned his attention to Matthew. He hugged his sweet little boyfriend, kissing the tears away from his cheeks. "You're okay, I've got you, you're safe with me," he soothed, though Gilbert doubted his own words. Was Matthew really that safe with him?

Matthew shook with sobs, and said, "No! I-I'm not okay! You're not okay! We're not okay! We never have been!" He broke down into another bought of sobbing.

Gilbert really wanted to break down in tears too, but he had to be strong for Matthew. He played with Matthew's hair, softly shushing him. "Do you want to watch a movie, or play a game?" he asked, trying to distract Matthew.

Matthew shook his head and whimpered, "I did this! I did all of this! I know it had been building up for a long time, but I was the trigger! I caused this!"

"Mattie, no! No, no, no! You did not cause this, I don't understand what makes you think that! All of this was just waiting to happen, Roderich did this, he did all of this shit!" Gilbert hissed, glancing at the other patients to make sure he hadn't woken any of then up.

Matthew's crying worsened as he was lightly scolded by Gilbert. "But I gave him a reason!" He said, "I gave him an excuse, and isn't that worse?"

"Matthew. It was going to happen anyway. I'm glad that this is over, and that the way this happened, nobody was killed. We couldn't have done anything to stop this, so why don't we stop looking at the past and just have our now? I haven't gotten to just be with you for a while, why don't we enjoy our time together?" Gilbert asked. He kissed Matthew gently, wiping the tears off his cheeks. Matthew shook and said, "I just wish I'd never locked myself in that bathroom..."

"I do too, Mattie. I do too," Gilbert kissed Matthew's bandaged wrists, fighting back tears. Why did Matthew have to be so unhappy with himself? Gilbert felt like the only person who saw Matthew for how beautiful he was. "You're so beautiful, I don't know why you hurt yourself," Gilbert whispered. He pushed up Matthew's sleeves a bit, brushing his lips over all the cuts on Matthew's arms, silent tears falling down his cheeks.

Matthew shakily said, "When everything feels like the movies... You bleed just to know you're alive..." He traced one of his cuts and said, "You'll never know how painful it is to be invisible... to live in the shadow of someone you still love so much..." He looked at Alfred, in sad admiration. "To be overlooked by everyone... That's why I bleed... And why I'm trying to be thin... So someone might look my way and see more then just air..." He looked away from his brother, and shifted his gaze to his lap. "Or maybe I'm just waiting for someone to tell me I did good... Looking for someone's approval... I remember, I would come home with all As on my report cards, and Alfred would have Cs and Ds... I hoped they would tell me I did good, but instead they just scolded Alfred, and ignored me..." Matthew looked at Gilbert's scarlet eyes and said, "That's all anyone ever does... Ignore... Until they find out what ignorance does to people like me..." He touched the bandage on his wrist, and winced. "Then they pay attention for a wile, but once they think it's all okay..." He looked at Alfred again. "They forget... and ignore again..."

Upon hearing this, Gilbert started to cry more. "Matthew, I want you to know that there are people out here who notice you. There are people out here, who will be with you through everything, no matter what they have to give up for it. There are people out here who will do anything to see you smile, no matter how stupid they look. There are people out here who will love you with all their hearts even if they don't get anything back. I'm one of those people, and if I have to, I will stay by your side for the rest of our lives, just so you know that you are loved," Gilbert cupped Matthew's cheek. He contemplated just doing another teasing kiss, but he had to seal this pact. He leaned forward, capturing Matthew's lips in a kiss. This had to be the most meaningful kiss in all of Gilbert's life, and he put all of his energy and passion into it. Never again would Matthew be an extra; he was the main character.

Matthew kissed back after a few seconds, and put a hand in Gilbert's hair. He tried to express how grateful and loved he felt in the kiss. He wanted Gilbert to know how much he loved him, and how much that vow meant to him. He wanted to make this kiss the one that would seal their fate.

Gilbert pulled away after a while, hugging Matthew as best as he could, grinning like an idiot. "I don't care that we really haven't been dating that long. I'm in love with you so much," Gilbert whispered. He gently kissed Matthew again, only wanting to be with him. Matthew broke the second kiss and breathed against Gilbert's lips, "I love you Gilbert..."

"I love you more," Gilbert replied teasingly. He didn't think there was a word in any language that could explain how much Gilbert loved Matthew.

Matthew smiled and said, "I don't think that's possible..." Matthew had never felt so wanted, so needed. He felt loved, and he had always returned every bit of love he received ten fold.

"Oh, really... I love you most. There, that settles it," he teased, nuzzling close to Matthew, and kissing his chin. That was their inside joke, always had been and always would be.

Matthew giggled, and said, "God as my witness, you will learn to kiss..." He kissed Gilbert properly on the lips with a small smile.

"Might need more practice," Gilbert replied. He peppered Matthew's face with kisses everywhere but his mouth. Gilbert let out a quiet yawn, looking at the time on his phone. It wasn't a time that was normally late for him, but the drugs made him really tired.

Matthew giggled and said, "I don't know why Francis speaks so highly of your abilities, when you can't even find my lips..." Matthew let out a long yawn, and said, "Gil I'm sleepy..."

"So am I," Gilbert murmured. As he said that panic began to set in again. "F-fuck, Mattie, I'm scared," he whimpered. With his eyes open, Gilbert had Matthew to protect him. But the minute Gilbert closed his eyes, he became vulnerable, and began to battle himself. "I'm really scared, I don't know what's real and what isn't," Gilbert sighed, not even noticing the waterfall of tears cascading from his eyes.

Matthew pet Gilbert's hair, and said, "You're safe Gilbert... Roderick's in jail... Vash and his guns are thousands of miles away... Yoa is in jail... We're in a high security ward of the safest hospital in the state, under constant surveillance... Nothing's going to hurt you... I'm here, and I'll keep you safe..."

Though Matthew's words were comforting, they only applied to the real world. Matthew couldn't do anything in Gilbert's dreams, where the terror resided. "But that's not in my dreams. Fuck, I'm scared of my dreams, I really am!" Gilbert's nightmares felt like a trap, closing in on all sides of him, and he couldn't do anything about them.

Matthew sighed in sympathy, and said, "Don't I know it... Alfred has bad night terrors... mostly about some kind of alien named Tony, but they terrify him... I can't stop the dreams from happening, but I can help you in their aftermath... Think about your pet, Gilbird! I always think of Kuma to ward off nightmares, so maybe Gilbird will help..."

Gilbert nodded, laying back down and pulling Matthew close to him to cuddle. "Will you sing to me again?" He asked. Matthew had a beautiful voice, and it was so soothing to Gilbert, it made him feel like nothing could ever hurt him.

Matthew nodded, and began to stroke Gilbert's hair as he sang to his love.  
"I remember tears streaming' down your face  
when I said I'll never let you go  
When all those shadows almost killed your  
light  
I remember you said,  
'don't leave me here alone'  
but all that's dead and gone and past  
tonight

Just close your eyes  
the sun is going down  
you'll be alright  
no one can hurt you now  
come morning light  
you and I'll be safe and sound"


	15. Weightless

_**A.N. I'm sorry for the long author's note, but it's kind of important. I would like to address something that I noticed personally while re-reading the story. First off, I'd like to remind readers that this was**_ ** _originally a role-play, and that's where this came from. My role-play partner and I have some variation in spelling, due to a culture difference, and the most obvious is when we try to write our main villain's name. I spell it "Roderick" and she spells it "Roderich". Not much of a difference, but it's one I've been trying to correct, and have missed a few times. I also do not have a bata reader, so I may still miss some things. I vow to work harder to catch these inconsistencies!_**

###

It took about half an hour, but finally, Gilbert fell asleep. He got through two hours, but then, the dreams started again. This time, Gilbert was in a courtroom. He was in front of the judge, being stared down. Suddenly, the judge became Roderick. He laughed, looking down at him. "Hey! Gilbert! I've got a gun! Are you scared? You'd better be," Roderick's voice was high and cruel, drilling into him. Images floated around Gilbert, each one more heartbreaking than the next. Gilbert and Roderick kissing, Gilbert and Roderick listening to Chopin, Gilbert and Roderick composing music. Everything was Gilbert and Roderick. One by one, Gilbert was replaced with Eliza. She stared at him, laughing coldly. Gilbert curled up on his dream-chair, starting to cry. "Look, the baby's crying," Roderick teased. He got out a gun, shooting it into Gilbert's heart, then walking off hand in hand with Eliza. Gilbert woke up with a scream filled with pain, anger, and fear.

Matthew was awake in a matter of seconds, wrapping his spindly arms around Gilbert, and shushing him gently. Gilbert held tightly onto Matthew, putting a hand on his own chest. He hadn't been shot, he was alright, it was only a dream. But still, Gilbert felt beyond scared. He was convinced that Roderick had never loved him before, he meant nothing. Gilbert wished he could go back to the beginning of high school and have never asked Roderick out.

Matthew shushed Gilbert and said, "It's alright... I'm here... Your Birdie is right here..." He figured using his own pet name would help Gilbert associate him with good, happy things.

Gilbert didn't say anything, he felt as though someone had removed his voice from him. All he could do was sit silently as he cried. He wanted all of this to be over, he wanted the terrible dreams to stop. Gilbert wished his family were there too. He wanted his dad, who was far away in Germany, at work. He wanted his brother, and he wanted Feliciano. He wanted for Francis to be awake, and he wanted Antonio to come back. He wanted to surround himself with all the people that mattered to him, so he'd never be able to think of Roderick again.

Matthew sighed and rocked back and forth, trying to figure out how to comfort Gilbert. Dawn was beginning to break on the horizon, and he whispered, "Look Gilbert... The sky's awake..." Matthew loved sunrises. Dawn was his favourite part of the day. The first and last lights of day were the richest of all.

Gilbert wiped away his tears, just barely smiling at the sunset. He sat up more, and guided Matthew into his lap. Sunlight began to pour into the room, causing Gilbert to smile wider. "Good morning, Mattie," his voice was hoarse from screaming so much, but he could tell Matthew how much he loved him, and that was all that mattered.

Matthew smiled as he watched the morning break in the horizon. He watched the sunlight creep across the hospital floor with a light giggle. Matthew snuggled Gilbert gently as he watched the dawn, and said, "It's beautiful..."

"Just like you," Gilbert whispered back. He kissed Matthew gently, to tell him good morning, running a hand thrkough his short hair and cuddling close to him. Matthew smiled, and snuggled Gilbert sweetly. He began to whisper sing, "Come Josephine in my flying machine... Up she goes... up she goes..."

Gilbert absolutely loved listening to Matthew sing. His voice was so sweet and clear, it soothed Gilbert so much. He kissed Matthew's wrists, listening to the quiet words of the song.

Matthew hissed in pain, and jerked his wrist away. His wrists had been burning sense late the night before, and now they were even worse. To Matthew every little bump of the bandage felt like someone was trying to cut his hands off. He understood why the doctors limited the pain killers, but he also suspected his nurse had something to do with it. The nurse he'd been assigned treated him like he was trash, and constantly reminded Matthew that he'd brought the pain on himself.

Gilbert realized the mistake he'd made, and gently hugged Matthew. "I'm sorry, Birdie. I didn't know how much that hurt," Gilbert murmured, though he could tell that something was off. "Mattie... have the nurses been giving you painkillers?" He asked, somewhat suspicious.

Matthew shook his head and said, "No... She did for the first hour or so, but then she stopped, and wouldn't stop telling me that I brought the pain on myself, and now I'd have to live with the consequences of my actions... I told her that I didn't expect to be living at all, but she just tightened my restraints..."

Gilbert frowned, and immediately called for a nurse. This one was different, and very nice, and she gave Matthew much more painkiller, so his wrists wouldn't hurt anymore. She also gave them a menu, telling them that they could order anything for breakfast from the hospital cafetiria, which even had vegan food.

Matthew smiled in relief as the drugs took effect. He smiled at the nurse and waved at her as she left. He handed the menu to Gilbert with a mumbled, "'m not hungry..." It was an overused excuse, and one that wasn't likely to get his desired effect.

"Just eat something, pleeeeeease?" Gilbert made puppy dog eyes, and stuck out his bottom lip. "You don't have to eat that much, just some fruit and oatmeal or something?" He hugged Matthew, nuzzling him pleadingly.

Matthew shook his head, and mumbled, "Don't wanna..." He pouted and looked at Gilbert with big sad eyes. He was imitating Gilbert's puppy dog face, and doing so beautifully. "Gilbert..." He begged, "Please don't make me eat! I promise I'll eat lunch with you! Please!" This was a lie, of corse. Matthew intended to make empty promises, if need be, to get what he wanted. Matthew hated lying to Gilbert, but to Matthew, being thin was worth it.

Matthew's puppy eyes nearly broke the barrier around Gilbert's heart, but he refused. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. You don't have to eat tha much, just try, or... I'll tell the nurses and they'll put you in eating disorder care," Gilbert only wanted Matthew to be healthy, and he'd do anything for that, even if Matthew was angry about it.

Matthew recoiled in horror and angrily asked, "Y-you'd let them rip me away from you, strap me down like some animal, and run tubes through me like a science experiment!?" Matthew's false sadness had turned to rage very quickly, but a genuine fear was there to. The last time he was put in the hospital, his parents had put him in eating disorder care, and he hated it. He had been completely isolated, restrained, and had feeding tubes in his stomach. The doctors let him get violently ill from the large quantities of sustenance, until they found a mix he could stand. Matthew's anger left, and he was left with only fear and sadness, as he whispered, "D-don't you want to be with me anymore?"

"Mattie, baby, I would never want to be away from you. It's just... you won't eat, and I'm really worried. I'm trying to help you get better. Either you can eat with me and we'll all be happy, or you can eat in an eating disorder ward, and none of us will be happy," tears filled Gilbert's eyes, and he dropped the menu to hold tightly onto Matthew. He didn't know what he'd do if Matthew had to leave him, he needed Matthew to help him stay sane!

Matthew started to cry again, as he was given the ultimatum. He shook his head, and yelled at Gilbert, "You're wrong... Even if I'm eating with you, so long as I'm eating, I'll never be happy! You won't let me be happy! Why won't you let me be happy!?" Matthew began to sob viciously. He curled in on himself, and brought his knees up to his chest.

Gilbert sighed angrily. "We'll try again around lunch," he muttered, hugging Matthew and kissing the top of his head. "Shh, don't cry, please don't cry," Gilbert didn't understand what was so bad about a little bit of food. Matthew sobbed into Gilbert's chest and whimpered, "I don't want to be fat! I don't want to be fat!"

"Mattie," Gilbert sighed, looking down at his beautiful boyfriend. "You're not fat. You're beautiful. Look at me, I've eaten a shitload of food, and I'm not fat. Just a little breakfast won't hurt you. I mean, aren't you hungry?" Gilbert hated how skinny Matthew was. He looked so vulnerable, Gilbert was scared that someone would hurt Matthew if he left his side.

Matthew shook his head. "I haven't been hungry for a long time, Gilbert..." Matthew said, while snuggling Gilbert. "It always hurts at first, but after the first two weeks or so..." Matthew shrugged. He hadn't been hungry for a long time.

Gilbert was shocked. He had no idea what to say, having figured that his words did nothing to help. "Mattie... how long has this been going on?" Gilbert didn't understand how Matthew was still alive, he seemed to be wasting away where he sat.

Matthew shakily said, "I-I started starving myself when I was 8..." Matthew looked away, and said, "I wasn't good at hiding it... My family found out when I was 9... They put me through therapy, and took me to self help groups... But no one understood... When I was 13 they put me in the hospital... I was isolated, restrained, and force fed... I was 14 when they let me out, and I weighed as much as Alfred... That was when I decided to eat in front of my family, and make myself sick afterwords... so they'd stop worrying... And I could go on uninterrupted... Now here I am..."

"So... if you're eighteen, like me, then you've been... for ten years?" Gilbert frowned, wiping away the tears dotting his cheeks. "Mattie, that's really not good. This is gonna kill you, and I'm not gonna be able to be by your side forever," Gilbert kissed Matthew gently, tears still dripping down his cheeks.

Matthew said, "You don't understand... I need it! I need it so bad, Gilbert! I need that control! I just don't want to feel as powerless as I did... That day... 11 years ago..." Gilbert frowned slightly. Something had happened to Matthew, and Gilbert had to find out. "Mattie... what happened?" Gilbert rubbed Matthew's back, wishing that he could properly hold him.

Matthew broke down, and choked out, "I-I was r-raped! W-when I was 7! I _never_ want to feel that powerless again!" Matthew buried his face in Gilbert's chest and began to sob, miserably.

Gilbert remembered Alfred telling him about this, but hearing it from Matthew just made things worse. "Oh, Mattie. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry baby, you're alright now. I promise you, no one's gonna hurt you ever again," Gilbert rubbed Matthew's back soothingly. "Starving yourself isn't the answer," he murmured, knowing that Matthew wouldn't listen.

"You think I haven't heard that before!?" Matthew snapped. "That's all anyone ever tells me, but they don't tell me what the right answer is!" Matthew took a breath and pulled away he looked at Gilbert and explained, "You know how, sometimes, your teacher gives you a study guide in class, for a test? Well, when you miss a problem on the study guide, they correct it, and tell you what the right answer is... What everyone is doing by telling me that bull shit, is telling me I got the answer wrong, but not telling me what the right answer is... It's frustrating, and it gets me nowhere..."

Gilbert sighed sadly. "I don't know the answer, but... I think we can figure it out together. Just like a test problem. And... until we find the right answer, can't we erase the wrong one?" he asked, gently kissing Matthew.

Matthew nodded, and said, "Yeah... We can try..." Matthew decided to check his phone to see if his mother had contacted him (she hadn't), and he found a text from Kat with a link to a song. Kat had heard about Matthew's anorexia, and confessed that she struggled with the disorder as well, for a time. Matthew put one of his ear buds in and played the song. It was called 'Weightless,' and was told as though from the point of view of anorexia.

Gilbert looked over at Matthew and put the other earbud in his own ears. Gilbert heard the lyrics, and he felt disgusted. The song was treating Matthew's disorder like a culture, sharing it with others. The song almost romanticized anorexia. Angry, Gilbert turned off the sound on Matthew's phone, deleting the text. "Don't ever let me hear you listening to that shit again. This isn't helping, it's just making things worse," he said of the music, placing Matthew's phone next to his, and taking the ear buds out.

Matthew had heard the whole thing, unlike Gilbert who only heard a small portion. He whispered, "It's true, isn't it?" He looked at Gilbert and said, "It really is..." He let a tear roil down his cheek, and he whispered part of the lyrics Gilbert hadn't heard. "'I will help you to control. I will hurt like hell. I will swallow your sweet soul... I will make you steal and lie. I will hurt like hell... I will kill you in no time...'"

Gilbert listened to Matthew whisper the heartbreaking lyrics. This was terrible, it was horrible, Anorexia was hurting his sweet little Matthew so much. "Matthew, listen to me," Gilbert was serious, and gently put Matthew's hand in his, not wanting to hurt him. "This is just a song. It has no power whatsoever. You are a person. You are a sweet person, you are a beautiful person, you are a silly person, you are an awesome person. You have so much power inside of you, and I'm going to help you let that power out for everyone to see. I don't care what it takes, I will help you unleash that power and help you make it combat all of this shit. I'm going to try really hard to do the same. We'll work together, I promise I'll be with you, every step of the way," Gilbert pulled Matthew into another kiss, using just his lips to tell Matthew how much he loved him. Matthew had been crying before Gilbert's speech, but he was sobbing by the end of it. He kissed back, and tried to hug Gilbert as best he could.

Gilbert hugged Matthew tightly, smiling a bit. "Now, will you please please please just get something small for breakfast? We can get something vegan and healthy and share it, and... and I'll find ways to stop smoking. I know we're not both going to get better overnight, but starting today is better than starting tomorrow," Gilbert only wanted to be optimistic about this, even though the mere thought of giving up his drugs made him panic.

Matthew shook violently at the thought of food, but he nodded, hesitantly. "O-only if you'll call Ludwig and ask him to bring you some patches... I'd rather you not smoke anything, and cigarettes are included... a-and I'll e-eat some breakfast with you..."

Gilbert sighed and texted Ludwig, asking him for some, then he handed the menu to Matthew. "You can choose, just get something we can share... okay? And I can ask for maple syrup with it," Gilbert winked, knowing that would be tempting.

Matthew read through the menu, and looked very sick wile doing so, but he found some silver dollar, vegan pancakes, and pointed to them. Gilbert smiled, calling a nurse, and ordering them. "Just eat what you can, I don't want you getting sick," Gilbert always hated seeing other people throw up, especially Matthew.

Matthew nodded, and shook. In all actuality, pancakes had always been a major fear food, seeing how the maple syrup tempted him so. Matthew figured if Gilbert was willing to face a big new world, stone cold sober, then Matthew could face one of his biggest fears.

 _ **A.N. The song mentioned is Weightless by Mi. It's a really good song, and very brutally honest. I recommend you look it up if you can.**_


	16. Old Soul

_**A.N. I'm so sorry for the delay. I've been having family issues, but I'm back, and will attempt to be more regular. P.S. I don't really like to beg for reviews, but reviews are how I know with a single glance if people are still interested. Through the struggles, I lost inspiration because I saw that no one was reviewing, and that's really disheartening.**_

The longest time Gilbert had gone without drugs since he started them was two weeks. During that time, he started having terrible withdrawl, and was scared of how he'd react now. Every reminder that he was doing this for Matthew was overshadowed by selfishness. Gilbert just couldn't choose! He stared blankly ahead, then started to see something. Again, there he was. Roderick was leering at him, flanked by Vash and Eliza. He turned to the side, starting to make out with Eliza. Roderick began to unbutton her shirt, murmuring about how much he loved Eliza. Unaware that none of this was real, Gilbert started to yell profanities at Roderick, telling him that he was more of a slut than himself and Gilbert couldn't help but start to cry. He thought this was real, he was so scared of his hallucinations. Not only had he become part of the visions, they'd become a part of him.

All he could hear was Roderick's taunting. The Austrian and Eliza got even more sexual, doing all those things Gilbert wished he could have done with Roderich, if he weren't so scared about giving him HIV, even though he'd wear a condom and everything. "Fuck off Roderick! I fucking hate you!" Gilbert's voice was partially a growl, partially an angered scream. He reached out his arm, trying to strangle Roderich.

Matthew rubbed Gilbert's back, while the nurse came in with breakfast. "Excuse me?" He asked, becoming the nurse closer. He whispered to her, "Is Gilbert on any medication that can cause, or worsen psychosis?"

The nurse nodded quickly, and walked over to Gilbert. She unhooked the IV with his pain killers in it, and said, "I'm sorry, sweet heart, but this is doing you more harm then good..."

"Wh-what?" Gilbert crashed back down to reality, wiping tears away from his eyes. He glared around the room, searching for Roderich. "The little shit got away, didn't he?" He didn't need Roderick creeping into reality, he could barely handle him during sleep. "Um... where were we?" Gilbert looked down at the plate of pancakes in his lap, with two forks set on it. "Don't stuff yourself, just eat as much as you can," Gilbert picked up his own fork, trying to get a pancake with it. Since he was using his non-dominant hand, eating things with utensils was hard. He'd never had any practice before, so try as he might, he couldn't manage to get a pancake on his fork, just have the fork slip and slide around in the maple syrup.

Matthew watched Gilbert for a wile, before he took the fork from him, and used it to cut up the pancakes. He stabbed one of the little pieces and held it up to Gilbert so he could eat.

Gilbert blushed, looking more than a little embarrassed about having to be fed. He couldn't rely on Matthew forever, and it made him look so weak! Sighing, Gilbert leaned forward and reluctantly ate the piece of pancake. "I have a hand, I can eat," he grumbled.

Matthew sighed and said, "But you don't know how to use it..." Matthew shook like a little as he stabbed another piece for himself. He slowly put the pancake piece in his mouth, and ate it, choking down his feelings of self hate.

"Good job," Gilbert praised. He glared down at his fork, determined to find a way to make it work. He grabbed it in his fist, placing the spiky end on top of the pancake. Deliberately, he stabbed it into the pancake, but his hand slipped, and he instead stabbed his laptop with it. "Oh, come on. This isn't awesome!" Gilbert tried again and again, but just couldn't keep the pancake on his fork more than a second.

Matthew hated to see Gilbert struggle so much, and so he gently took the fork again. He stabbed the abused little pancake piece one last time, before holding the fork up to Gilbert.

"I told you, I'm fine," Gilbert sighed. He'd just have to find finger foods or other things that didn't exactly require forks. He needed that prosthetic hand now, since he wouldn't be able to eat or write or even drive. He ate the pancake, feeling melancholy. "I can't do anything now, can I?" he felt worthless with one hand, he couldn't do anything like he could before.

Matthew said, "You can still give awesome, heartwarming hugs... You can still dry my tears... You can still make me feel loved, and wanted..." Matthew averted his eyes and said, "I know you must feel like you're worthless right now, but you can still work miracles... You're still perfect to me..."

Gilbert smiled, hugging Matthew. "It's still shitty to not be able to do some things. I don't exactly think I'll be able to write... ever, and I'm so slow at things you need two hands to do, like typing or holding something," Gilbert sighed softly, turning around to grab his phone, which buzzed with a text. When he did, he felt pain shoot through his side, and he let out a yelp. "Fuck..." he muttered, gingerly touching his side. He'd forgotten that he'd been taken off painkillers. There was just a dull ache at first, which he could handle, but Gilbert was already in a lot of pain, and his arm began to sting a little.

Matthew gently hugged Gilbert, and said, "Do you want me to ask them for different painkillers?"

"Please?" Gilbert asked. He had a feeling that being taken off the painkillers wouldn't change anything, and he didn't understand why the previous ones had been taken away. Maybe the nurses thought he was getting addicted to them or something like that.

Matthew nodded and called for a nurse. He moved one of the roiling tables over to the bed, and put the plate on it. "Here we go..." He said, stabbing another piece of pancake for Gilbert.

A nurse came in, and gave Gilbert a different painkiller IV. She told Matthew to call her in if Gilbert had any more hallucinations, and that she'd have a psychiatrist check him out later that day. Gilbert sighed with relief, feeling the pain gradually get less sharp. He ate another piece of pancake, still feeling slightly worthless.

Matthew sighed and decided to make it easier on Gilbert. He stabbed the pancake piece, and said, "Here... Take the fork, and try to eat..."Gilbert let out a sigh of relief, and grabbed the fork from Matthew. He managed to eat the piece of pancake, only getting a little bit of syrup on his cheek.

Matthew smiled and licked some of the syrup off Gilbert's cheek. "Good job, baby..." He whispered.

Gilbert felt really happy from the praise, though he still felt sad that he couldn't exactly eat without help. He tried to get his phone again, but the painkillers hadn't completely kicked in yet, and he felt more pain when he did so. Gilbert hissed with pain, turning away. Embarrassed, he had to ask Matthew to get his phone for him.

Matthew kissed Gilbert's cheek and said, "Of corse, baby" He got Gilbert's phone and handed it to him. "There you go..."

Gilbert glanced at his texts, smiling. "Ludwig and Feli are gonna be here soon, with Toni, Lovino, and hopefully Arthur. They just stopped at your house and got your stuff, and they're trying to bring your mom too," Gilbert smiled, cuddling up with the boy. Matthew smiled, and said, "R-Really?" Matthew was so hopeful, and happy his friends would do that for him.

Gilbert nodded, and his phone buzzed again, with Ludwig saying that they were in the hospital's lobby, checking in. A few minutes later, the group came in. Ludwig handed a duffle bag full of stuff to Gilbert, and gave him a brand new phone, saying he'd bought new ones for them and that he was going to either get Gilbert's laptop fixed or get a new one for him, as their Father, would pay for those things. Feliciano bounced in, carrying a giant tupperware of lasagne, for all of them to share.

Matthew smiled at the rest of their group, but subconsciously flinched at the pasta. For one thing, it was a major fear food of his, and for another it was, most defiantly, not vegan, so dead animals.

Ludwig moved aside to let the rest of the group in, which included Akahana. Gilbert turned on his new phone, and began to transfer his contacts to it. He liked that Ludwig always knew what to do for him, he really was the best brother ever.

Matthew smiled, and reached out to Akahana with tears in his eyes. "M-Mom?" He choked, as his mother wrapped him in an embrace, and rocked her baby boy.

Gilbert couldn't help but be jealous of Matthew. He had a parent who wasn't too busy to care about their kids, he had a parent who hadn't died from HIV. He sighed, and let Ludwig talk to him. Speaking with Ludwig was hard. He said that the hospital had been talking to him, and Ludwig was seriously worried about Gilbert's mental health, as the hospital had suggested that he could possibly have PTSD.

Akahana and Matthew had been speaking softly in cree to each other for a wile, before Akahana asked Gilbert, "Why is he not in eating disorder care?"

Gilbert looked up from where he was, conversing with Ludwig, and tried to figure out the best answer to her question. "He didn't want to go, so I made a deal with him. If I quit drugs, he'd eat, and I'd make sure he didn't try to throw it up or anything. He told me how awful eating disorder care was, and I couldn't let him go back there, it sounded like hell," Gilbert then realized what she could be getting at, and he felt himself start to panic. "Please don't take him away! I need him! Please!" His breathing got fast, and Gilbert held onto Matthew, trying to stop himself from panicking more.

Matthew began to cry as he thought about going back to that hell hole. He begged, "Mom, please! I'm getting better! I really am this time! I don't need to be strapped down like some psychopath, and have tubes running through me to get better! I just need people, who care!"

Akahana sighed, and said, "Matthew... You said that last time..."

Matthew snapped, "But you didn't listen to me last time!" Matthew took a deep breath and said, "Yes I've said the same thing before, but you didn't listen to me then, and now look where we are..."

Gilbert held tighter onto Matthew, frantic by now. "Please, I'm begging you, please don't take him away!" Gilbert's words were a frenzied mix of English and German, and he held tightly onto Matthew with his one remaining hand, as though that would keep Matthew next to him. Matthew held tight to Gilbert, and looked at his mother with big puppy eyes.

Akahana sighed and relented, "Oh alright... But if I don't see improvement, I'm having you moved. Understood?"

Matthew nodded happily, and kissed his mother's cheek.

Gilbert breathed out, his panicking ceasing. "Thank you so much!" he hugged Matthew, kissing his cheek and smiling, forgetting about the 'two straight guys' act. Ludwig glanced up at Akahana. "I apologize for any trouble my brother has caused you. He's extremely unstable right now," he sighed, not knowing the true extent of Gilbert's problems.

Akahana smiled and said, "It's fine... Your brother's is an old soul, tired from wondering... I can sense it... Your's is not too young, but defiantly not old... I can tell you love your brother, but no matter how hard you try, you will never truly understand him... His soul is tired, and yours is simply too young to understand the exhaustion of an old soul... Too young to know that pain..."

To say the least, Ludwig was completely confused. He didn't want to be rude, so he simply nodded. Gilbert was once again cuddled up with Matthew, downloading games on his new phone and occasionally giving Matthew a gentle kiss on the cheek or nose. Matthew actually managed to fall asleep in Gilbert's arms, having slept little the night before.

Akahana smiled at her son and said, "Ludwig... A person has but one soul... Take good care of yours..."

Ludwig was quite surprised at this. He wasn't one to be spiritual, and he himself was atheistic, but put up with his boyfriend's Catholicism. Being polite, he thanked Akahana, watching his brother and Matthew. Gilbert was tired, but much too scared to fall asleep, for fear of screaming more, and waking up Alfred, Kiku, and Francis, whom he'd somehow not managed to wake up that night.

Matthew twitched in his sleep, and curled up to Gilbert. He looked so small and helpless compared to Gilbert. His thin arms tried to wrap their way around Gilbert's middle. Gilbert took a sharp intake of breath when Matthew accidentally touched his side. This painkiller wasn't nearly as effective as the other one he'd been on. He positioned them so that they were both comfortable, with Mathew cuddled up close to him.

Arthur joined the group late, having had some problems with a depressed polar bear, and instantly sat himself next to Alfred. He stroked the boys hair a whispered to him, as though he were awake. Arthur froze as he heard Alfred weakly call to him, and open his eyes. Arthur stood up so fast his chair tipped over. He watched as Alfred rejoined the land of the living.

Upon seeing Alfred wake up, Gilbert gently shook Matthew. "Alfred's up," he murmured, kissing Matthew's forehead. Gilbert smiled widely, wishing he could get out of his dumb hospital bed and hug the shit out of Alfred. If it weren't for him, they would never have saved everyone from the riot in time.


	17. Her Choice

_**A.N. I'm so sorry for the delay! I've started school back, and my brother just went to a war zone, so I'm in desperate need for inspiration to**_ ** _continue the tedious process of transferring this Role Play into a story._**

Matthew sat up so fast that his blood rushed away from his head, and he almost blacked out. Alfred was groggy, and in pain. His back hurt badly, and he mumbled, "Is eve'yone alright?" Arthur was in such a state of shock he couldn't answer.

Gilbert nodded, trying not to let Alfred worry. "Yeah, we're all fine," he said, somewhat truthfully. "Just a little scraped up is all," this was a complete lie. They were all hurt terribly in some way or another, the worst of which was poor Kiku. The commotion awoke Francis, who sat up groggily, glancing around. His eyes landed on Gilbert, and he began to pepper his friend with questions.

Alfred knew Gilbert lied to him the moment his vision cleared enough to see Kiku. Alfred gasped, and said, "Is eve'yone alive?"

"We're all alive, thanks to you," Ludwig assured him, giving Alfred one of his rare smiles. Gilbert and Francis were murmuring to each other, both glancing back at Matthew ocxasionally. Of course, they were talking about what had been going on with Gilbert, and how Matthew had for some reason made a nurse change his painkillers to something much less strong.

Alfred nodded, and said, "Tis good..." Akahana went to Alfred, and held her son's hand gently. Alfred mumbled, "Wat happen' to me?"

Ludwig glanced away, looking slightly uncomfortable. He didn't want to upset Alfred, so someone else could explain. Gilbert and Francis finally stopped conversing, both intently watching Alfred. Gilbert cuddled closer to Matthew, rubbing his boyfriend's back.

None of the occupants of the room thought Alfred could handle it, but Matthew spoke up, "You were shot in the back. The bullet lodged in your rib. It came very close to hitting your heart, and spine. You're lucky to be alive."

Alfred nodded, taking the information in stride.

Just hearing that made things even more real to Gilbert. He hated that inbred Austrian freak, he deserved to be repeatedly shot, have his arm broken then shot off, and have his legs burned with flaming gasoline. He deserved to live his ex friends' horrors over and over again, and hopefully he would when he got to hell.

Alfred was a very calm person when he needed to be. As annoying as he was, when shit hits the fan, Alfred was a guy who could lead you to victory. He took injury in stride, and he could organize his troops with a simple change in tone. Alfred looked over at Kiku and sighed.

Just thinking of Roderich made Gilbert start to panic. He kept seeing his face in his mind, leering at him. Those perfect lips pressed against Eliza's, a gun clutched in his hand, shooting everyone Gilbert loved. This repeated over and over in Gilbert's mind, his breath getting shallower and shallower each second. Gilbert grabbed onto Matthew, choking back sobs and screams. He was shaking as he tried to keep a tight hold on Matthew.

Matthew looked at Gilbert and began to pet his hair. "Ludwig!" He called, "Get the nurse!" Gilbert's pulse monster was through the roof. He looked as though he would give himself a heart attack.

Ludwig, who was worried out of his mind, ran to get a nurse. Gilbert sobbed into Matthew's chest, mumbling nonsense about Roderich. "He's gonna kill me, he's comin' after me and you and all of us. Fucking run! He's gonna shoot you," his voice was hoarse, his heart beating wildly.

Matthew stroked Gilbert's hair and said, "Shhh... Gilbert, You're safe, baby... I promise we won't let him hurt anyone..."

"Mon ami, Matthieu, what happened to Gilbert?" Francis asked suspiciously. Gilbert heard Matthew tell him that Roderich wouldn't hurt anyone, but he felt like Matthew was lying to him. He kept seeing the gun, he kept feeling the pain of a bullet slicing into him. "No! Mattie! Run, he's coming for you, he's coming for all of you!" Gilbert screamed. He was irrationally scared, screaming about something only he saw.

Matthew pet Gilbert's hair, and said, "It's why we had to put him on a weaker medicine... The last one could cause hallucinations... He think's he's seeing Roderick, with a gun, and he's terrified..."

Ludwig soon came back with a nurse, sitting back down in his chair. Francis was scared for his friend, he looked terrible, and Gilbert just kept seeing the images. They seemed so real, he felt like the voices were closing in on him, the images coming closer and closer to him.

Matthew rocked Gilbert gently, and told the Nurse what had been going on. "Can you help him?" Matthew asked. The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, but the most we can do is wait it out. In a few hours, he's meeting with a psychologist, and hopefully we can get these... episodes... to stop eventually. For now, I'd just say to keep doing what you're doing," Gilbert kept crying, but he wasn't screaming or sobbing anymore, being much too tired to do so. Out of all the people in the room, he seemed to be taking this the worst. Something in him had snapped, maybe it was because he'd always thought that mayne, just maybe Roderich would come back to him, and now he'd ended it in the worst way possible.

Matthew nodded sadly. Gilbert was taking this harder then anyone. Matthew had a feeling it had something to do with the face to face confrontation with Roderick, and their past history. Matthew took a looked at his phone, as it vibrated, and saw a text from Elizavetha, asking about them. Matthew was beyond confused, but responded anyways.

 _ **Elizavetha: Hey... How's everyone doing?**_

 _ **Maple: Why do you care?**_

 _ **Elizavetha: Because what Roderick did was wrong, and I left him... I'm worried about you all... Would it be alright if I came for a visit?**_

Matthew was confused, and upset. He didn't think he had the authority, so he called out to the room, "Elizavetha is repentant... She wants to see us..."

Upon hearing this, Gilbert started screaming again. "No! No no no! She's coming to kill us, she's getting revenge! Call the fucking police, everybody run!" He shrank back more into Matthew's arms, his breathing getting shallow and quick again.

Matthew rocked Gilbert again and looked to the rest of the room. "She left Roderick..." He stated, before beginning to text her again.

 _ **Maple: Why did you even stay with that jerk to begin with!?**_

 _ **Elizavetha: I had no choice at the time...**_

 _ **Maple: Why not?**_

 _ **Elizavetha: because of my morals... I promise I'll explain why I did what I did, but I'd rather do it in person...**_

"Sh's lying! She's lying! Don't let her come here, she's gonna kill us!" Gilbert's voice was getting even more scratchy and hoarse from how loudly he was screaming. Just the thought of Eliza coming to the place... where they were, sent a swarm of images into his mind, each one more terrifying than the next.

Matthew motioned Ludwig over and whispered, "Get the nurse, and see if he might need a sedative... We have Lovino if things get out of hand with Liz..."

Ludwig nodded and left, returning with a nurse. She had to give Gilbert a sedative, which calmed him down soon, and he fell asleep with his head in Matthew's lap, tearstains covering his white cheeks. Ludwig had made Feliciano leave much earlier, as he knew that Gilbert's outbursts would upset him.

Matthew told Elizavetha she could come, but warned her about Gilbert's outbursts. A few minutes later Elizavetha entered the room, looking worse for wear. She had been crying, and she looked a bit battered. Elizavetha looked as though guilt and illness had eaten her up inside, and it was obvious.

Ludwig looked up at her, not exactly knowing how to feel. Roderich was her boyfriend, she could have stopped him from doing this, couldn't she? Francis, however, looked angry. "Eliza, mon... ami," he said this coldly, eyes glittering with anger. "I'd like for you /not/ to be anywhere near Gilbert. My friend needs his rest, and you are only going to make things worse if he wakes up while you are here,"

Elizavetha nodded and looked at the rooms occupants. "I'm so sorry for this... You've no idea... If I could have stopped him, I would have... I can't believe this happened..."

Ludwig looked slightly sympathetic. "It's alright, what's done is done," he murmured. Hearing Eliza's voice, Gilbert shifted a little in his sleep, whimpering. Another nightmare was beginning, this one containing Elizaveta. She was going after him, as one of Roderich's henchmen.

Matthew stroked Gilbert's hair softly.

Alfred asked, "Liz... Why'd you stay?"

Elizavetha whimpered, "I had too... Or at least I thought I did... I was afraid..." Elizavetha sat down in one of the scattered chairs, and said, "I was terrified... He said he would tell everyone, if I left him, and..."

Ludwig was surprised at this. He didn't know Roderich very well, as his brother had always seemed to be occupied with him, but he'd thought, until the previous day, that Roderich was kind. Now, he was learning the truth. Gilbert's breathing got quicker, and he held tighter onto Matthew. He tried really hard, and managed to wake himself up before the nightmare got worse. With a sigh of relief, he cuddled up close to Matthew, not noticing Eliza.

Elizavetha held her tongue as she saw Gilbert was awake. Matthew shushed Gilbert, gently, and pet his hair, waiting for the sedative to take effect again.

Gilbert yawned, cuddling with Matthew for a few minutes, before layin his head on Matthew's chest so he could hear his heartbeat, and closing his eyes, falling asleep.

Elizavetha sighed and softly said, "I did have another reason for coming here... If I had know sooner... None of this would have happened..."

"And what would that reason be?" Ludwig asked. He watched his brother sleep, worried that he would wake up and see Elizavetha.

Elizavetha wiped a tear from her eye, and said, "I've been given a year to live... My kidneys... They've shut down... Dialysis would help under normal circumstances, but... God, I did something really stupid..."

"So that's why you went out with Roderich?" Ludwig asked. He felt bad for Eliza, but he also hated her. Because of that, Ludwig's heart had been broken.

Elizavetha shook her head. "No... I started dating Roderick... Then I did something really stupid... Then I was given a year to live... And Roderick wouldn't let me go, or he'd tell everyone about my mistake... Or force me to 'fix' it..."

Gilbert rolled over in his sleep, then snuggled up closer to Matthew, trying to push away the nightmares. They seemed to be closing in on him, Roderich, and Eliza, and Vash. "N-nein! Nein!" His voice was soft and scratchy, but filled with fear and terror.

Matthew shushed Gilbert and hummed to him gently, hoping to let his voice change the dream.

"And this mistake was...?" Ludwig asked, once Gilbert had settled into a slight half sleep state.

Elizavetha looked at the floor, with more tears filling her eyes, as she confessed, "... I'm pregnant..."


	18. Orange Juice Can't Talk

_**AN: I'm sorry for the delay guys... Lot's been going on lately... That's my only excuse... Sorry this chapter's so short...**_

Whatever Ludwig had expected, it wasn't that. "Do you mean, with Roderich's baby?" he hated Roderich even more now, he seemed like some sex addict. Ludwig had a feeling that Roderich had partially broken up with Gilbert because he wouldn't have sex with him, and this made him angry. Matthew's soft humming soothed Gilbert out of his dream, and he let out a relaxed sigh, falling into an odd half sleep, half wake state.

Elizavetha nodded, sadly, and said, "He's like a devil... He lures his prey with sweet words, and gentle caresses... All the wile, they are unaware of the true danger... When I told him I was pregnant, he was driving me home... The moment I told him he changed direction, and took me to an abortion clinic... He signed me in himself, and told me that if I didn't he'd turn me into a social pariah, and tell my parent, and they would have made me get one anyways... That was where they told me my kidneys were failing... They were afraid I wouldn't survive the abortion, so they sent me away... Roderick told me if I ever left him, he'd see to it that this 'mistake' was corrected... I was afraid for my life, and the life of my baby... So I stayed..."

Francis was the most surprised out of all of them. All he'd heard for three years was how sweet Roderich was, how he was composing his own symphony, how much Gilbert loved him. Francis could tell that somewhere along the line, something bad happened to Roderich to change him. "Mon chere, I'll always be here for you and the baby, because I know that Austrian bastard can't."

Elizavetha looked at Francis and smiled, "Thank you..." She sighed, and said, "I won't be able to raise it... I may not even survive the birth..."

Gilbert had heard everything. He buried his face in Matthew's chest to hide how much he was crying. "I'm really fucking sorry for thinking... you were gonna... kill me. I didn't know about any of this shit," Gilbert's voice was really soft and muffled, but he was beyond angry. Roderich was an asshole, an asshole that he'd once loved. Just remembering them together hurt Gilbert even more.

Elizavetha was shocked Gilbert had heard her, and began to cry more, as he spoke. "Y-you thought I was going to kill you?"

Gilbert nodded, holding tightly onto Matthew. The line between fact and fiction had blurred so much for him, that he felt like everyone on Roderich's side was going to kill him. He was scared, and Roderich seemed like even more of a terrible person now. Gilbert couldn't understand how the man he'd once loved could be so cruel and awful.

Elizavetha stood up and walked over to Gilbert, carefully. "I'm so sorry for this..."

Gilbert shrank back, shaking. He was still scared of Elizaveta, and didn't really want her near him. "It's not your fault, it's Roderich's" he mumbled, feeling himself start to panic when he said the name.

Elizavetha saw the panic, and fear in Gilbert's eyes, and could tell he had been damaged, greatly. Elizavetha nodded, and said, "I've got to go for my dialysis... I'll come back after, I'f it's alright with you all..."

Gilbert felt slightly more relaxed around Eliza, and gave her the okay to come back. Once she left, he couldn't help but burst into tears, clutching onto Matthew and sobbing more. He was really scared of Roderich, he'd done so much damage!

Matthew tried to rock Gilbert, and kiss away some of the pain, but he knew that there wasn't much he could do.

Matthew was trying so hard, and it was only working a little. Gilbert took deep breaths, choking back more tears. "I just want Roderich to leave me alone," he whimpered. Francis watched, sighing and looking over to Antonio. Gilbert had already stopped being his 'awesome' self once Roderich and him had broken up, but now Francis was scared that he'd never get the old Gilbert back.

Antonio looked at Gilbert and shook his head, sadly.

Lovino wasn't best friends with Gilbert (it was more of a love hate relationship), But it crushed him to see Gilbert so broken. He was officially ready for this war. He pulled out his phone and began calling his connections in the legal system. He wanted to get Roderick convicted fast. If Roderick was sent to prison, he could get his guys in there to take care of him, and no one would be any wiser.

Gilbert wiped away the last of his tears, still taking deep breaths and holding onto Matthew as though something bad would happen if he let go. He always tried to be the strong one, the one that could do anything, but he couldn't now. He'd been reduced to the weak one, with everyone worried about him, which he hated.

Matthew snuggled Gilbert and said, "Don't worry, baby... Everything's going to be okay..."

Akahana had, for the most part, stayed out of the group's business, but she added, "You know, it could be worse... I once knew a man who fried his brain on some kind of ecstasy, and was convinced he was a glass of orange juice... He'd just sit in the corner, and anytime someone would talk to him, he'd just say, 'orange juice can't talk!'"

Gilbert tried to believe Matthew, but he just couldn't. When he heard what Akahana had said, he tried to laugh, but just ended up with a weak forced chuckle. Francis glanced worriedly over at Antonio, whispering "He's not going to be like this forever, is he?"

Antonio shrugged. He really didn't know, and he didn't really want to know.


End file.
